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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband just walked out

57 replies

tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 20:01

my Husband of five years has just walked out on me an our 10 month old. He says he needs space to sort his head out. It is so hard as he says he fancies me, loves me, is my best friend but is not in love with me. He says he is empty inside.

So here I am alone and so confused! Any help out there?? X

OP posts:
fortyplus · 18/08/2012 20:03

Lots of sympathy - poor you Sad
But I've never seen a thread that started like this that doesn't eventually lead to the discovery of an OW

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 20:06

He has told me there is no one else and swore on our baby. I do believe him. But hay I maybe a fool!!

OP posts:
Bossybritches22 · 18/08/2012 20:06

Oh dear yes it's the script I'm afraid, they all follow it with variations.

Get the baby down, pour a large drink & come back for a chat.

It's a horrible time but loads of support on here.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 18/08/2012 20:08

Oh Tilly the not in love with you line is usually the one they trot out when they're either having an emotional affair and considering moving to the full blown version or they are already neck deep in an affair.

My ExH said the same thing to me at the time.

I am here and listening and offering you a virtual hand to hold right now. You must be reeling Sad I truly hope I am wrong though and there is no other woman on the horizon and it's just the stress of work and a baby.

Do you want to talk a bit more about recent weeks with him, how you're feeling? Would it help?

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 20:09

Baby down and drink flowing. I would have put everything on us lasting what a prat am I! But I dealt with it well and did not l

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 18/08/2012 20:09

Tilly, have your thread moved to relationships...you'll find more support for your circumstances there x

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 20:10

That went quickly! Was saying that I kept my head up and did not cry, he will not break me or my baby x

OP posts:
Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 20:15

How do I get it moved??

OP posts:
DontstepontheMomeRaths · 18/08/2012 20:16

You are in shock lovely. Have a good cry if you need to x

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 18/08/2012 20:16

I've just reported it and asked HQ to move it there. Mum2Fergus is right.

cakeismysaviour · 18/08/2012 20:23

Bless you.

Don't let him bullshit you. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't. The very least you derserve is honesty.

I have to say, this is usually the affair script. :(

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 20:36

He has gone to our best friends rather than another woman's. This is horrid who would do that to a new Mum??

OP posts:
cakeismysaviour · 18/08/2012 20:42

Other posters more wise than me will be along once this thread is moved, but you need to stand firm here.

Don't let him string you along whilst he 'sorts out his head'. Or as may well be the case - pursue the woman who has turned his head, whilst keeping his options open with you.

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 21:27

A fortnight ago I had it all now a key part of that has gone. To top it off my dad is very I'll with Cancer and my mum who looks after him full time is going in for a operation. This will stress them out so can't tell them.

OP posts:
Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 21:28

That was ill not I'll!!

OP posts:
Boggler · 18/08/2012 21:37

tilly so sorry about your dh, but I think the other posters are right and there is probably another woman. The reason I think this is that the line he's given you is exactly word for word what my exh said to me when he walked out. We had just moved 200 miles to a new town for his job and I thought like you he can't do this after 6wks in a new town with no family and no friends but he did. The ow didn't come out of the woodwork straight away but she was there all the time. Keep your head up and soldier on I know you don't feel it but this could be the making of you x

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 21:45

I will be strong for my 10 month old but this is crap. I am so alone and so scared of the future. I had everything but now I alone with pain until 7.39 when my darling daughter wakes up and gives me her smile. This is his loss, if there is another woman she is welcome to the shit! X

OP posts:
GrizzlyFrontBum · 18/08/2012 21:48

OP has he given you no indication this was on the cards?!

Do you have some one in RL to talk to?

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 22:11

No just here people seem to listen...

OP posts:
MrsPenrysJones · 18/08/2012 22:18

Sorry OP but it's a very rare man who leaves his wife and DCs without having the next woman ready.

Original poster
tillymint74 · 18/08/2012 22:24

Looks that way, well best rid if another woman has got his attention. All I have done is be a mum and wife. Well his loss and my gain. What type of person leaves their 10 month old and wife who is loosing a parent to Cancer, top bloke hay!!

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 18/08/2012 23:17

So sorry love. Have been there, had the I don't love you any more speech. He moved in with his best friend and his wife. The wife who he was secretly texting and emailing all day every day.

Still won't admit to an affair. We are getting divorced. We never argued snd he blindsided me by walking out.

I really hope there isnt an OW but sadly have to agree with everyone else that it's usually the case when you get the speech. Has he been more protective of his phone lately?

skyebluesapphire · 18/08/2012 23:19

Forgot to say that we have a 4yo dd that he worshipped. He still walked.

Original poster
tillymint74 · 19/08/2012 01:01

You were all so right!! He has just popped over to tell me it was a work colleague. Whilst I was visiting my parents they slept together and have been sexting since. He wants me/ us back but when I said if I don't take him back will he go back to her he hesitated without an answer! I have said no as I have self respect, plus not sure that is where the love has now gone.

Thanks guys your comments prompted me to send a text asking who she was!! X

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 19/08/2012 01:06

I am truly sorry that we were all right. I was horrified when everybody shouted OW when I posted similar to you but the trouble is everybody saying it has been there sadly. I now try to help people who post things like you. My H is still denying OW. I am divorcing him because he is a lying deceitful twunt.

Only you can decide what you want from now on, but don't be second best, don't be his backup plan.

Take care.