On the verge of throwing the meal in the bin and ringing DH's mum to tell her why.

[outthedoor]

It is his birthday. He was working from home today but had to go into the office for 'an hour' earlier. I haven't heard from him since. Not answering phone, no reply to text.

His mother is on the way, I've cooked a nice meal and have a cake.

I can't believe it has happened again. It's not the first time although never on a special occasion or with someone coming.

I am almost in tears. Two little dc don't know anything is up. I feel like running away.

I will often be later than I think if just popping into work as get caught up with paperwork.
I would be clearer about insisting he texts you if he's later than he says.
Was he expecting to be eating that early though? I wouldn't expect a special dinner to be before 6 and wouldn't expect my husband to be wondering where I was at 4.30 if he was cooking me dinner.
It sounds as though there is a basic lack of respect or consideration in this relationship though.
Time to renegotiate the basic groundrules of the relationship?

Controlling? because she's upset her husband who consistently lies with no regard for her feelings or concerns for his safety showed up 2.5 hours late to a birthday he wanted; he's his own boss and didn't even bother to text and say 'something has come up I'm so sorry?'

Hollow laugh< If that is controlling, I wonder what sort of marriage you have mate.

OP - I understand your frustration and anger. You could be me 10 years ago. I felt the same. Although I worked full time, my job could be fitted around the kids (unlike H's), so I was the one who picked them up from the childminders etc.

I understood completely that my (STBX)H had a demanding job and needed to work late often and also that he deserved time out with his friends once a week or so. However, bizarrely, I did expect to be treated as an equal and to be informed if he was coming home late/didn't want dinner/working till midnight. I did not see myself as his 24-hr child-minder and house-keeper.

God knows how many times I had the conversation about how I felt when he let me down and hadn't even texted to say he'd be late (and FFS how hard is that? to send a text?). When I'd worn out the discussion route and explaining how I felt, I then went on to anger, and then sulking. The result was always the same - he would apologise, improve for a month or so and then back to his old ways. Eventually I was a beaten woman (banging your head against a wall will do that).

My relationship is not yours OP. I have since found out that my H is a compulsive liar and a cheat. I hope yours isn't. However, he IS treating you as cheap labour. A non-equal who he will grudgingly inform of his whereabouts if it suits him, as opposed to someone who is equally responsible for his children or who he cares about and wants to make happy. You have every right to be angry and upset about this.

I hope someone can come and give you constructive advice on how to improve this.Whatever you decide to do or however you decide to tackle it, don't be told you are 'nagging'. If he wants the life of a single man, he is entitled to decide that and leave. You are entitled to be in a relationship where you are treated with respect.

I think it's difficult to change someone's attitude - that is his responsibility. Eventually he has to decide to respect others or you have to decide whether he is worth being treated like this. (Not saying that you shouldn't lay down clear ground rules, but I suspect you have already done this, and you can only decide what you will do, not what somebody else will do.)

But, could you arrange your life so that you have some concrete things that you get to do for yourself that he has to fit around? (E.g. taking a course? doing exercise?). "24 hour a day slave to a fully functioning grown adult" should not be part of anybody's job description, SAHM or not.

Also, would embarrassing him work? If he is out with friends, could you contact them if his mobile doesn't seem to be working? Could you drop them with his mother if he doesn't turn up when he said he would and you have to train for the London Marathon/volunteer for a charity/complete your OU degree/go shopping?