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Original poster

On the verge of throwing the meal in the bin and ringing DH's mum to tell her why.

79 replies

outthedoor · 16/08/2012 16:32

It is his birthday. He was working from home today but had to go into the office for 'an hour' earlier. I haven't heard from him since. Not answering phone, no reply to text.

His mother is on the way, I've cooked a nice meal and have a cake.

I can't believe it has happened again. It's not the first time although never on a special occasion or with someone coming.

I am almost in tears. Two little dc don't know anything is up. I feel like running away.

OP posts:
DrowninginDuplo · 16/08/2012 17:23

But he doesn't have to say any of that alaska all he has to say is, "please excuse me for a moment". Pop out make a quick call to apologies and pop back in. Hardly difficult. He knows what is planned he knows the effort gone to. As someone frequently on the receiving end of is and my personal favourite "I didn't see the time", Icahn categorically state he is being an arse.

Musomathsci · 16/08/2012 17:24

I don't think it is unreasonable or unprofessional to pop out for 30 seconds and send a quick text to let your other half to let them know you are going to be late.
YANBU. Been on the receiving end of this sort of nonsense so many times...

Schnarkle · 16/08/2012 17:24

Going into the office "for an hour" doesn't sound like any urgent meeting to me. More like an excuse to leave the house and it sounds like he has form for this sort of carry on.

Eat the meal and have the lovely cake with his mum and the children. Leave his in the kitchen.

puds11 · 16/08/2012 17:25

There must be an underlying problem if this is the reaction you have to him not having contcted you for one afternoon.

Do you mistrust him?

DrowninginDuplo · 16/08/2012 17:26

Agree is Scharkle, have a lovely time with his mum and the dc. The dc deserve it. Sort Dh out later

AlaskaNebraska · 16/08/2012 17:27

Oh yu think he's having an affair ?!!

puds11 · 16/08/2012 17:28

Thats what i thought Nebraska

nickelcognito · 16/08/2012 17:30

i don't think that it's unreasonable for a man to call his wife in the middle of a meeting if he's longer than he said.

this is how you do it.

"look, i had hoped that this meeting was only going to be an hour, but it's obviously going to take a lot longer. let's break for 5 to get coffee/call home/take a comfort break, and resume, okay?"
then he goes, gets his phone, rings OP "i'm sorry, i'm going to be late, overrunning. can you start without me?"

that's how an adult would do it.

AlaskaNebraska · 16/08/2012 17:33

Unless he's "otherwise engaged"

puds11 · 16/08/2012 17:33
Wink
stealthsquiggle · 16/08/2012 17:40

Stuck in an unexpected/over-running meeting with people to whom you can't say "sorry, I'm expected at home - I need to go" - possible.

Stuck to the extent that you can't say "excuse me a moment" and send a text - nope. Don't believe it. Not unless you are a surgeon or a theatre nurse.

DrowninginDuplo · 16/08/2012 17:59

Precisely nickel, precisely.

Original poster
outthedoor · 16/08/2012 18:23

Sorry. Didn't mean to disappear. He turned up at the last minute. His mum is here to so have had no chance to talk. We were having the cake because the kids like to make a fuss of us on our birthdays.. It was his idea to invite his mum for the meal.

OP posts:
bleedingheart · 16/08/2012 18:23

He could text or call. If he has a history of going out and 'losing track of time' and the OP expected him back for a prearranged event why can't she be upset?
I wouldn't think badly of a colleague you needed to call home when a meeting changed, what if it was a child care issue? He had an arrangement with his family which he reneged on. He wouldn't do that to colleagues so why them?

ceeveebee · 16/08/2012 18:30

So he had to work late on his birthday and you're annoyed - I am sure he'd rather be at home but unfortunately employers generally don't give you time off just because it's your birthday. Give him a break.

thisisyesterday · 16/08/2012 18:34

god, dont' you think if he was in a meeting he'd have said he was going to a meeting??

not needing to go in for an hour and then just never coming back or letting her know why he wasn't back.

OP yanbu.

ceeveebee · 16/08/2012 18:40

outthedoor are you saying you think he was somewhere else/with someone else?
Or just annoyed that he went to work and didn't come back until 'the last minute' (which unless you are overseas is still pretty early at sometime between 430 and 6pm?)

solidgoldbrass · 16/08/2012 19:18

There's obviously something behind this - a drink problem? A fondness for keeping the OP on the jump by disappearing and/or setting her up to fail because she 'should have known' that he wouldn't be back?

Original poster
outthedoor · 16/08/2012 19:25

Probably just a quick post again, not meaning to drip feed.

My problem with this is he left to do a few things in town and then rang at 1.00 to say he had to pop in to his office for a while, wouldn't be longer than an hour. I still hadn't heard anything 3.5 hours later with a meal cooked and his mum invited (by him). I had no way of knowing at that stage if he was coming back. The kids were waiting for him with his gift and card.

He is his own boss so that isn't an issue. He just gets caught up and doesn't bother.

It is rude, rude, rude to be 2.5 hours late and not ring/text.

Am I suspicious? Starting to be now, yes.

Freaking out to admit that.

Kids still up so will be back when I get a chance.

Thanks to all for your replies and advice etc

OP posts:
BelieveInPink · 16/08/2012 19:49

Hold on...is he still not back?

8pm, I would be livid.

4.30 I wouldn't be arsed.

puds11 · 16/08/2012 19:50

Has he done anything else suspicious?

puds11 · 16/08/2012 19:53

No he is back believe

Original poster
outthedoor · 16/08/2012 19:54

No, he came home just as I was really losing it. He arrived just as his mum did.

When he came in the kids asked him why he was so long and he said 'my work took longer than I thought'. I haven't had the chance to speak to him alone yet.

I just pretended everything was fine.

He has gone out before on nights where he tells me one thing and then does the exact opposite. For example he went to a work thing and said he was taking the car and not drinking, then he rang and said he'd had a few drinks and had a cab booked for later and then he didn't come home or contact me for hours til I was extremely worried and then he text and said he'd slept in the office because it got too late and he cancelled the cab.

I don't know what I think anymore.

I just don't know what I think anymore.

OP posts:
puds11 · 16/08/2012 20:12

Do you think he is having an affair?

shinyblackgrape · 16/08/2012 20:17

Right - well if he's got form for lying, then that needs addressed and I understand why you're pissed off.

However, can you please speak to him re work and try and find out the circumstances around that before you take a position on that. Yes, it is very annoying that he did the, particularly when MIL is coming. However, I have stopped counting the number of times that I've had to go in to work/or been caught up at work much later than Ive expected to be -including on my birthday etc

I've had times when I've literally sat at my desk for 12 hours without getting up or having a chance to have food because I've been on calls with clients and then been drafting and dealing with emails right after before phone again etc. The time just totally runs away from you and I've not even had the chance to get my phone out my bag let alone text DH. DH also does on call or sees private patients at the weekend and has come home tons later than he says he would and not texted either.

I am sympathetic to the lying thing and that really compounds the issue. But I do feel very guilty sometimes about letting DH and family down at very short notice and it does help that they do (or at least say they do) understand that work is just like that and it's not going to change. If his work is genuinely professional services type/medically etc, I do think some slack needs to be given.