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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

HELP BEFORE THE MORNING

75 replies

rightchoice2 · 06/08/2012 22:47

I know this is is the wrong section but think it is likely to get more answers here than on any other as it gets more traffic. I know you are mums mostly, and I am not but need some good sound advice by the morning. I was birthing partner to a friend she had the baby early hours of Sunday so still only one day old. I have never had children and am much older and am a very willing helper. I have taken a week off work to help and tonight is her first night home. I fed my friend, and held the baby and changed him. She is BF the little one and because of a 18 hour labour is tired and very very very tender, all sorts of things happened which were mind blowing.

Anyway I am going back tomorrow morning to help, what is the most important thing I can do to be the most help without interfering. Sadly her mum passed away a long time ago and by the way she is doing this whole thing alone.

OP posts:
cybbo · 06/08/2012 22:49

Do a food shop for her, Hoover, make beds, watch the baby while she has a shower and washes her hair or has a sleep

cybbo · 06/08/2012 22:50

And what a nice friend you are

BettySuarez · 06/08/2012 22:51

You sound like a very lovely friend and I'm sure just your being there will be an enormous relief for her Smile

beeny · 06/08/2012 22:52

You are lovely.I have no mum and was desperate for naps.

Signet2012 · 06/08/2012 22:53

I would say:

Hold baby so she can shower, maybe grab a nap if baby is happy. Keep the food coming, house ticking over.

Provide chocolate

then come to mine in a few weeks when I have had my baby and do the same :)

Original poster
rightchoice2 · 06/08/2012 22:54

Thanks - good start - by the way anyone reading this who has gone through what I witnessed has my total total admiration.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 06/08/2012 22:54

food, food, food and nipple cream.

Vassia · 06/08/2012 22:55

Sleep, food and showers were the 3 most important things for me, if you can provide any one of them you'll be helping enormously. I don't think you have to do anything special to be honest. Also, a few hormonal tears are normal. And reassurance that you are a good mum and you're doing things right in the early stages is a comfort and a relief.

PissyDust · 06/08/2012 22:56

Dow she have a partner a home?

Letting her shower, sleep and eat is a great help!

justonemorethread · 06/08/2012 23:00

Be very aware of whether she wants to chat or not. Help but also breezily make yourself scarce, she may want quiet time with baby sometimes.
Nice to have a friend like you!

ItsMeYourCathy · 06/08/2012 23:01

Can I just say what a lovely friend you are.
Wonderful!
Sleep. That's all I needed when I had a newborn. Sleep and tea and sympathy.

ImperialBlether · 06/08/2012 23:01

Don't get upset or let her get upset if the baby is crying. So, if she is having a shower and the baby is bawling, remind her that all babies cry, that he/she'll enjoy their food better if they've waited a few more minutes, that she should get showered and make herself comfortable and not worry.

If her living room is tidy, that will help keep your friend calm.

Change her sheets regularly so that they're nice and fresh for her.

Put the bins out regularly.

When you go to bed, put a snack in the fridge for her.

Encourage her to drink plenty of water.

Encourage her to talk about the birth - if it was difficult she may want to come to terms with what's happened.

Olympia2012 · 06/08/2012 23:01

I've been through it 5 times! Best thing in the early days is tea,snacks and keeping things tidy. And sleep! Fielding calls, and answering the door etc!

You are a good friend

LynetteScavo · 06/08/2012 23:02

Make sure she has enough to eat and drink (BF is thirsty work) and offer to go to the shop for anything she needs. I bet she will need more maternity pads than she actually bought.

Maybe catch up on any house work that needs doing - it can be difficult to do anything when you are heavily pg! But don't faff.

Original poster
rightchoice2 · 06/08/2012 23:03

No partner at home long story, but she is doing this alone. Having a year off work and until I get the hang of it, it is the blind leading the blind. Of course she is great, but I just want to be the most help possible and dont want to keep saying... what do you want me to do, I just want to know. Makes me sound like an idiot, but I have never done this before. I was privilaged to be asked as it was awsome but this bit is scary, he is sooooo small.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 06/08/2012 23:03

I think ImperialBlether is spot on, except, she will get upset if the baby cries. It's natural!

Spammertime · 06/08/2012 23:04

Oh blimey, someone saying that I could have a bath for as long as I wanted was bliss. Wouldn't even be for long as she'll worry, but saying you'll watch the baby or hold it would be lovely.

Or making tea.... or sorting out a pile of things next to her so she can sit and bf for ages and only need to get up for a wee.

What a lovely, lovely friend you are.

oreocrumbs · 06/08/2012 23:05

Lots of water/drinks if she is breast feeding.

Take charge of other visitors - play host, make the tea, wind down the conversation if your friend is tired or wants to have some peace to feed etc.

If you are there and have pottering time, make up some meals and put them in the freezer for times you are not there.

neontetra · 06/08/2012 23:10

You are very kind.
Bringing her drinks while she is bf would be helpful - it makes you very thirsty - with bendy straws so she can drink while feeding if positioned right? Sounds a bit weird, but that is the main thing I wanted. And loads of biscuits. Good luck to you both.

Original poster
rightchoice2 · 06/08/2012 23:16

Right, straws packed. Did a food shop earlier today. What about winding how many times do they have to burp. Told you I was a novice. The midwife is coming tomorrow afternoon, or the health visitor but neither of us was sure.

OP posts:
cybbo · 06/08/2012 23:17

Burp after every feed

ImperialBlether · 06/08/2012 23:17

Give her some time alone (well, with the baby) too - it's hard to get used to someone else being there all the time.

One thing that someone told me was that my baby preferred me to anyone else in the world - I found that a great comfort when she was shrieking down my ear. I hated the thought that someone else would be able to calm her when I couldn't.

Keep telling her how well she's doing, even if it's at your own expense.

lisad123 · 06/08/2012 23:18

Loads of tea, food and cuddles for mum. Cleaning and washing would be my dream Grin

MushroomSoup · 06/08/2012 23:23

It will be the midwife coming tomorrow, health visitor doesn't come for around ten days or so.
What a lovely, lovely friend you are!
You'll know when baby needs burping. They gulp in air when they feed (less if breastfed) and the air needs to come back out. If he doesn't settle after feeding, he'll need winding. Some babies hardly ever need it, some do after every feed.

defineme · 06/08/2012 23:23

If she's tender then my top tip is moist toilet tissues-andrex make them or kids kandoos will do.
Cake to dig into when anything else is hard to reach.
Do everything else in the house, but I never wanted anyone else to take the baby for at least a month.
I wanted dvds/books to see me through endless hours of breastfeeding.