HELP BEFORE THE MORNING

[rightchoice2]

I know this is is the wrong section but think it is likely to get more answers here than on any other as it gets more traffic. I know you are mums mostly, and I am not but need some good sound advice by the morning. I was birthing partner to a friend she had the baby early hours of Sunday so still only one day old. I have never had children and am much older and am a very willing helper. I have taken a week off work to help and tonight is her first night home. I fed my friend, and held the baby and changed him. She is BF the little one and because of a 18 hour labour is tired and very very very tender, all sorts of things happened which were mind blowing.

Anyway I am going back tomorrow morning to help, what is the most important thing I can do to be the most help without interfering. Sadly her mum passed away a long time ago and by the way she is doing this whole thing alone.

nankypeevy, count me in.... you've got a friend!!

Gosh rightchoice, I could have done with you 8 years ago What a godsend you are. As others have said, snacks and drinks constantly required with breastfeeding, clean sheets, fielding calls if she can't answer, hot baths in peace and just being there for her. What a gift you're giving her and the baby x

Oh and yes, yes, yes to the lactolose, 'specially after foreceps

On another note, be alert to her mood going down if it does, not that unusual, baby blues or more serious. If she needs some down time, don't be hurt, it's a terrible time for the hormones in flux.

Well, wbat a nice friend! All the above advice is great but I'll repeat to tell her "what a lovely mum you are, you're a natural, look at you, you're great at this!"
both my husband and my mother did this a lot and it boosted my confidence so much!

All Mums should have a friend like you Ms rightchoice2.
What a star.

Clean fresh smelling clothes, I got fed up with smelling of milk and baby sick. Lots of emotional support for the coming weeks, it's scary being left with a little person. Food, drinks, sleep and maybe as time goes by normal conversation.

Tidy house, washing, etc but also I wanted to do some normal things like washing up etc. it was familiar when everything else had changed.

Remember all babies cry, sometimes for what appears to be no reason. keep telling her how amazing she is to have made such a perfect little person and what a great mum she is.

Baby blues, like pmt but worse. She may want support she may want space, she may not know what she wants but you just being around is helpful. She will need tissues and a shoulder to cry on.

Plenty of dried fruit. Have a few pots / bowls on sofa, by bed. They are a good energy filled snack, apricots particularly are high in iron and they will help with any constipation etc.

Small, quick to eat snacks after night feeds. It's easy to forget that whilst by is a 24 hour affair, mummy needs to be too, and that means food. I found Cake bars were the perfect size. Also sandwiches cut up in quarters and kept in a ziplock bag can be eaten in small quantities at any time of night.

Ask her how she wants to manage visitors. I wanted to see everyone first time round and in hindsight was exhausted by them. It's her choice but try to get them to go after a max of 1/2 and hour and don't let 10 lots come in one day.

She is the most lovely mummy in the world and she needs to tell baby that everyday. Not only will baby grow up believing it (and we all should have the most lovely mummy in the world) but she will too and it will fill her with confidence.

Otherwise, just like she is doing for baby, you would be the best help by making it possible for her to eat when she's hungry and sleep when she's tired etc. She will love you forever!

Aren't you lovely?

Most important thing for me was to have a clean and tidy environment. Personally food and drinks I could deal with as they don't take long to sort - cleaning up was exhausting but essential. And she needs to have baths in peace.

Just wanted to add after having lots of damage down below from a forceps delivery, that soaking in a tub with a few drops of tea tree oil and a few drops of lavender oil really helps with soothing and healing, and the scent is very relaxing. Also good for piles. I soaked in the tub daily for about 2 weeks, it was fab.

Rightchoice2, you're a star!

Pre cook and freeze meals for when she has no help.
When my partner went back to work I hardly ate. My friend saved me by cooking meals like lasagne, pasta bake, cheesy veg bake and apple crumble, all I had to do was heat in the oven. Absolute life saver!

Again - what a lovely friend you are and firstly enjoy this with her, newborn is an amazing time.

The book I found most useful was by Penelope Leach, quite matter of fact and very much about doing what feels right and trusting your instincts.

one thing I got quite hung up about was feeding and how often/how much DS had, it might be helpful to keep track of that for her.

definately echo the lots of reassurance about how well she's doing as well. It's very scary.

Baby Blues are a killer! Like this huge tidal wave of emotion and it just wells up from nowhere, but it does go and those hormones are doing an important job.

Good luck and ask here - even if it seems like a silly question - I'll bet you I asked sillier ones when DS was a newborn..

Oh, and if you dont manage to do all of the things suggested, dont worry. You are doing fine, anyway.

Not many new mums get all this help and support, the list is merely what we, as new mums have found helpful, or would have been helpful!

UPDATE.....Well for all you lovely ladies who helped me last night this is what happened today. The plan was for me to go over today at about 9.00 am. However I did say call me anytime and I'll be there. Well at 5.30am this morning my text alert sounded it was my friend. The baby woke at 11pm last night for a feed, and then all hell let loose, he took two hours to feed, then was sick then wouldnt settle, then she broke the special nappy bin, then she herself had a 'little accident' and couldnt get into her old pj bottoms any more and they were the only ones left. She didnt cry but I did get a cry for help. I was up like a shot got there in 12 minutes, and took the baby who by then was just sleeping. She showered, I fed her cheese on toast and big drink. I put the washing on and basically cuddled the baby until his next feed whilst she wound down. The midwife came and answered all our questions, we had a list of about fifteen, poor woman, and they were all so basic but she was very reassuring and is coming back tomorrow. Tonight we have everything lined up, big bottle of drink, fresh pj's that fit, clean clothes emergency things all out and ready. I made her three meals today so she is fed watered, as this afternoon she got FOUR HOURS sleep whilst I held the baby and watched the olympics with him cozy and comfortable on my lap with a soft flat pillow at his head, it was quite an experience - four hours of cuddles until I had to wake her as he wanted a feed. She is human again and accepting her life has changed for ever but for the better as she is in love with her little boy, she feels confident and ll day I have told her that she is amazing and the best mum in the world..... Thank you for your advice last night I appreciated your time and very helpful tips. For me Im on had for the test of the week but work will feel like a doddle!

I can't believe how quickly we managed to train you up
Maybe the MNetters could train you for the next Olympics, you certainly get up to speed quickly!
Well done.

on hand for the rest of the week.....

You did good - well done! How lovely, newborn baby cuddles for 4 hours...bliss. :)

I know it's been said before, but you are a great friend, it's really touching that you are helping her muddle through even though I do know that bewilderment around your first baby, especially if you didn't have much experience before. Definitely get a lot of help from the HV and pace yourself a little, as babies don't sleep/feed for hours/are sick/you feel crap for days, weeks if not months after birth. You are a lovely friend and you will look back on this time and laugh together (and what a great lovely to tell this little baby when they are a bit older, about how Auntie RighChoice2 came to help).

Good for you, you're doing amazingly well yourself!

It sounds as though you're already over this, but try not to be afraid of handling the baby...just always support the neck and go slowly, but it's lovely for a mum to see someone hold their arms out with confidence and happiness to hold their baby, (even if you don't totally feel it).

It's hard at the beginning to work out where little limbs fit, so don't be afraid to just lie baby down on a swaddling wrap/muslin, then slowly re-wrap him into a swaddle sausage if you think he's uncomfortable.

Keep up the amazing work and reassure the mum that in a few weeks time, she'll be an old pro!

Thanks for the update.

You are so lovely! I think it's great that she felt she could ring you for a rescue - that is really the sign of a true friend.

This is just the most wonderful thread. RightChoice, you're wonderful!

I am expecting my first baby and haven't any parents or family to help etc and this thread has helped a lot actually - helps me to know what to ask for as help.

I am going to give this thread to my lovely DH!