Is this strange or normal being on a dating site?

[GemsAngels]

After my last post 'Whats wrong with me I cant get a date' well I managed to get a few dates. The last one being the one where we both agreed we would like to see eachother again.
We text and he rang every day and said how comfortable he felt, how beautiful I was and how he had been on the dating site 10 months and never felt like he had ever wanted a second date.
Anyway I also felt comfortable and was eager to see him again, we arranged to meet again near to where I lied which cost him both times as he had to cross the bridge, that wasnt a problem as he insisted he drove.
The second date was lovely and we chatted lots and he complimented me lots.
When he left he said we will sort out saturday so I agreed anyway I said let me drive to you this time and he said I will call you tomorrow to arrange. The next day a message to say hey sorry been busy call you later, no call?
I rang no answer. I text about 10pm saying hey all ok? If tomorrow is a problem its cool I will make other plans, just let me know. He text and said my phone has been on silent. I do like you but I feel your pressuring me. Im not ready for anything serious.
Wow! What did I do?
Anyway I said no pressure at all, you were the one organising the dates. He said true but he feels pressured. He then said I do like you but not ready for serious. I just said ok then hope you find what your looking for and he said can we keep intouch? I said we both know we cant just be friends, best not to and he said ok, good luck too.
I have no clue what I did. He said I was beautiful, lovely, good company, sent lovely tets to see how I was. Is this strange or normal, I have no clue what to feel about this dating site.

Having discussed the subject of online dating in the past with other men, I can tell you that most of them play a numbers game. The assumption is that most women who are good looking on the site will receive a load of messages in their inbox everyday, and therefore have enough dates from which to find a partner without difficulty.

Advice often given to men is not to take it too seriously, and not to take rejection personally, for the above reasons. So far not too bad? The advice continues that you probably won't get anywhere mailing one woman at a time, and that it is much better to send a load of messages to lots of women, with less time on each message, than to take a lot of time on one at a time.

Hence it might seem to a woman as if her profile has been skimmed, rather than read, at best.

You can call it bad advice, but that is commonly given advice among male-centered discussion about online dating. And having several, erm, possibilities on the go at once, might explain why some of you have one or two dates which then mysteriously don't make it to a third after looking promising. The man is, likely, dating several at once at the not serious stage.

Exactly why any man thinks a picture of his nob is going to help his cause, I have no idea.

I dont think men necessarily use the first date to work out the relationship/FWB thing - I've had sex on a few first dates, some snogging and a bit more on others, and a kiss on the cheek or less with the rest.

and it's made no difference at all - I've liked all the first and second group, most of the third, yet no second dates. Ever. The first group might reasonably have assumed I would be happy with a FWB, yet I never heard from them again either.

Your snogging them or having sex with them on the first date doesn't disqualify the idea that maybe they also have dates lined up with other women after firing off a load of messages, and maybe they hooked up something more permanent with some of those women.

BadLad - I think the 'strategy' you describe above is a good one for male and female, actually. I don't see anything wrong with chatting to a few men on a site at the same time and meeting a couple of them for a coffee in the real world. For me a first 'meet' isn't really a date, that would happen the second time of meeting, once you've had chance to work out if there's a spark in the real world.

Numberlock, I agree with you. The part of that advice I thought posters on here might disagree with is the advice that "women get tonnes of messages so no point spending much time on each one". Likewise, I see nothing wrong with keeping options open first.

The part of that advice I thought posters on here might disagree with is the advice that "women get tonnes of messages so no point spending much time on each one".

Nothing wrong with that either. Not just because "women get tonnes of messages" but also the fact that I think so many messages go unanswered it's easy to understand why most first messages consist of little more than a "Hi". I can understand men/women not wanting to write something detailed and personal to the receipient that is only going to get deleted. This is why I would always reply to a one-word initial message to see if they put more effort into the second one that they know will get read. If it's still a two-word reply on the second eg "Fine, thanks", I delete.

So every man I meet is dating other women at the same time, and every one prefers those others to me?

I think it's far more likely none of them are looking for anything more than one date, and simply can't be bothered, whatever their protestations to the contrary, to pursue anything further.

Funnily enough every single man I've dated in the past year is still on the same dating site, and presumably still single.

I think that speaks volumes.

Personally, I assume that men who just say hi, or send a generic message are shooting in all directions, and it puts me off.

I prefer messages that show that they have actually read the profile, or are willing to share something of themselves.

Although I also usually reply to all messages, giving them the opportunity to expand on first contact.

Also, Sponge, maybe you are right and they just company to go to the pub/restaurant. But not the effort of keeping up a relationship.

I think they want the company/their ego massaged/casual sex - delete as applicable. sometimes they get lucky and get all 3. but a date pretty much guarantees at least the first one. personally i find it a pretty depressing state of affairs having endless one-offs rather than any semblance of a relationship but men, or some men at least, clearly think differently.

Personally, I assume that men who just say hi, or send a generic message are shooting in all directions, and it puts me off.

Agreed but I also do this, given the amount of more detailed messages I send that get no response, particularly during my time on Match.

My messages are short, maybe two short sentences apart from hi but they usually involve something specific that attracted me on their profiles.

Perhaps to save time in future, we should just say "Hi, here's my number, 07xxxxxxx, love to see a pic of your cock!"

i have only just started online dating, this thread is making me afraid! i consider myself to have fairly high self esteem at the moment.. first man i spoke to, met with, ended up seeing for a bit. i called it off.

now i have a date with number two on saturday. although i would probably be gutted if either had said/will say they dont want to see me again, surely you have to go into each new thing with a positive attitude?? if youre waiting for it to fail, maybe it will. maybe the men pick up on this attitude and dont bother again?

singsing I agree, keep it light hearted and enjoy it, if anything comes of it it's a bonus. And if it starts to get wearing then give it a break.

Enjoy the date on Saturday!

will do :)

im secretly hoping to meet my future husband online, but you cant forget that in real life, you could meet him at any given moment! (my excuse for wearing makeup even to lidl on sunday...) so its not like a last resort.

Make up to Lidl, sing, like it - always be prepared, say I. Plus in
Lidl there's a very good chance he will be a secret millionaire doing undercover shopping to meet someone who's not just after his money!

hahahaha obviously!! lol i fully believe sexy hot millionaires hang around the dodgy areas of cardiff waiting for a girl who puts the effort into her appearance at all times!

it could happen..

Absolutely! Keep the faith, sing. And the best types always hang round the dodgy areas!

well just to add. i have started online dating and this kind of thing seems to happen alot. I had something very similar and spent ages wondering what it was i had done wrong. didnt even get an explanation just a made up excuse for cancellation of date. Knocked me alot but I am now back up again and back out there. its the only way but does seem very artificial. like someone above said - you can see they are chatting or dating others at the same time. horrible and daunting but just the way it is these days!