Is this strange or normal being on a dating site?

[GemsAngels]

After my last post 'Whats wrong with me I cant get a date' well I managed to get a few dates. The last one being the one where we both agreed we would like to see eachother again.
We text and he rang every day and said how comfortable he felt, how beautiful I was and how he had been on the dating site 10 months and never felt like he had ever wanted a second date.
Anyway I also felt comfortable and was eager to see him again, we arranged to meet again near to where I lied which cost him both times as he had to cross the bridge, that wasnt a problem as he insisted he drove.
The second date was lovely and we chatted lots and he complimented me lots.
When he left he said we will sort out saturday so I agreed anyway I said let me drive to you this time and he said I will call you tomorrow to arrange. The next day a message to say hey sorry been busy call you later, no call?
I rang no answer. I text about 10pm saying hey all ok? If tomorrow is a problem its cool I will make other plans, just let me know. He text and said my phone has been on silent. I do like you but I feel your pressuring me. Im not ready for anything serious.
Wow! What did I do?
Anyway I said no pressure at all, you were the one organising the dates. He said true but he feels pressured. He then said I do like you but not ready for serious. I just said ok then hope you find what your looking for and he said can we keep intouch? I said we both know we cant just be friends, best not to and he said ok, good luck too.
I have no clue what I did. He said I was beautiful, lovely, good company, sent lovely tets to see how I was. Is this strange or normal, I have no clue what to feel about this dating site.

I honestly don't think that a man saying he's not ready to be serious after 2 dates can be classed as him being a 'twat' or 'treating you badly'. Sometimes a little perspective is needed!

You'll meet all sorts internet dating. I dated on and off for years before meeting dp. Only one of them did I ever get hurt by, and that was simply because I really, reallllly fancied him. He didn't feel the same way about me. It hurt at the time, now I look back and laugh - I probably was coming on waaaaaay too strong!

He'd have treated you badly if he'd strung you along for ages. He didn't.

Tea - I stand by my assumption of twatishness in that the OP has said that he was the one that was doing all the running and he has accussed her of pressurising him. Doesn't sound like she was and if he is having second thoughts - I respect everyone's right to - say so, be honest and don't make it a blame thing.

Number - I don't know for sure but he subtlely put me off contact last night. I'm very au fait with dating rules but finding someone this way doesn't feel "special" it feels like shopping. We are about three hours from each other so as I've agreed to go to his home town as I am travelling on business next week, I know I have nothing to lose but I'm getting to the end of the line with all this dating stuff. It's affected my confidence after initially increasing my confidence.

Concentrate it is a rollercoaster of emotions, but in my 2 year experience of being single, its made me stronger and Iv learnt so much about life, people and myself. Its nice you have someone in rl to share your stories with :)
tea I agree that in my case this time he isnt a twat or acted like one, he was honest yes, it just kinda came from nowhere, and being new to the whole online dating I couldnt understand, but I do a little now. It just scares me a little to think that when you think someone likes you and you share the same views etc and then they can just change their mind, I guess Iv never been in this situation before.

Concentrate not sure if Im being too soft on him, as I liked him but I dont think he is a bad person, just not fair in how he acted maybe? My friend also said the same as you. I just couldnt understand it! Your right it does feel like shopping. I guess it works for some. I know how you feel, I feel the same.

He was probably just after a shag. I expect if you were to text him back and say 'that's ok I didn't want anything serious either, just some hot sex' he'd be round at yours by tea time. (not suggesting you do that BTW just pointing out that it not that you've done anything wrong).

Just be glad you didn't shag him on the second date or you'd now be sitting there thinking 'oh no I've messed it up by sleeping with him too soon'.

Gems - you met him twice, you can't possibly know whether you really share the same views. Sympathies though, honestly, I've been there. It's a steep learning curve!

I mean just in what we both wanted. Its so hard firstly to find someone you are attracted to and them to you. Then theres everything else that comes with it. He had been through the same as me so understood, also we both had the same views where step families were concerned. Im not sure if views was the correct word but it just felt like we connected, just havnt felt that way before. He kinda ticked the right boxes and I honestly thought Id ticked his. I know Im probably coming across quite deep here, dont mean to, its so hard being single again at 33, now 35.
I do honestly feel like maybe Im better off on my own, Im not too good with rejection.

Some people will tell you what they think you want to hear in order to get laid though.

Yeah I can imagine there are lots that do AKiss

Just wanted to say, I have recently been in this situation, but I was on the other side..

I had two dates with a guy, we called and texted but then I called it off, because he was coming on a little strong.

The thing is, what he felt was two way communication, was me replying to his constant texts/what he is eating for dinner updates because I am not rude enough to ignore him and he seemed like a pleasant enough chap. I thought he just liked me, so I would talk when he called etc, and he did seem nice. But then on reflection, after one day when he was busy so didnt contact me, I realised it was mostly coming from him and I didnt like him that much really, being nice isnt enough to sustain a relationship. I figured its better to let him down now before it gets serious.

Cant say if thats what happened with this guy of yours, but its possible. Doesnt mean you did anything wrong.

Thanks singsing I suppose Iv not been in this situation before and I know I have said I really liked this guy, I did but I think alot of it was because he had been through what I had and he just seemed so normal and just want normal. There are so many guys that dont want what I do. It was him that text alot and called me though not the other way around.
I can see where your coming from though, and I know he cant help how he feels, but its what he said, I dont think he should of said so much until he was sure of how he felt. It did just make me feel like what have I done.

yeah i understand your bewilderment. even i wasnt so harsh on that bloke.. lol i think honesty is good but theres not need to be mean.

Well I'm sorry you're having bad experiences ladies but also glad I've found somewhere to post my own Internet dating tales. My married friends say I should write a book. They'd be gutted if I ever settled down again and the stories dried up lol.

Gems it is crap BUT at least you did get some kind of an answer, albeit a bit of a bullshitty one where he tried to make you feel bad for just responding to him pursuing you, when in fact he'd got cold feet/wasn't single etc.

I know we've been on the same threads before about these internet men...I had one a few weeks ago who was interested, we had a 2nd date lined up, then got ill, we were still texting (not just me initiating the texts, from both sides) then all of a sudden he just stopped, and not heard from him since.

Then today I had a date with one I've spoken to for several hours this week & text lots. Before today he'd made it clear he was really keen on me, was looking for a relationship, etc etc. I feel today went well & we do already have date 2 planned for Tues (Tues was arranged as 1st date, then today was last minute as his childcare arrangements changed & I was visiting friends this weekend just down the road so we thought we'd take the chance to meet sooner) BUT apart from phoning him earlier to tell him I got home ok - he asked me to call when I got in so he knew I was ok - I've not heard from him. Normally we would have been texting all night...don't know if he's changed his mind, or just feels he can make less effort now we've had a date and another is planned.

I just feel like dating is one continual headfuck. I'm so cynical now & my expectations so low I'm just expecting it to go wrong. Worst thing for me is I never hear from my dates again so I don't even get a reason not even a bullshit one

He's just not that into you. The feeling pressured thing was just an excuse.

Try and relax a little bit about the whole thing, I know it's hard and I've got hung up on this in the past - constantly checking phone for texts, wondering why he hasn't text/rang, what did he mean by that comment etc etc. And when it got to that stage, I knew it was time to take a break from it. Not worth letting strangers mess with my (otherwise fine) head.

Enjoy the dates for what they are, ie meeting a new and interesting person who (hopefully) you had an enjoyable evening with. And after that, try and forget about them. If they get back in touch, bonus, if not, onto the next. Have lots of other things planned besides dating so you're too busy to notice whether or not they've texted you.

I agree it's bad form when they don't get back in touch, a short text to say "Nice to meet you, decided not to take things further, best of luck with the dating!" isn't rocket science, but it's so common as to not be worth worrying about. And not to be taken personally.

Not sure if that advice was to me - but I already have a very busy life, I work FT (have been in the office since 8am today) in a very demanding job, I have a wide circle of friends and a v active social life, childcare permitting. I have no time to be any busier than I am, pretty much every hour of my waking day is accounted for, yet there's no way I wouldn't notice the fact I hadnt received a text, and I honestly can't imagine how anyone would possibly say that's the case.

I do agree when you've exchanged a few texts with a guy, met for a quick coffee, peck on the cheek etc, then not hearing from them again isn't polite, but it happens. But having exchanged 400 texts in 5 days, and spent 6 hours yesterday with my 'date', I think if he does have cold feet about Date 2, it's only courtesy to let me know...

hatesponge you definitely deserve to know. Your right at least I got an explanation, although it was a shock, but I guess he wasnt into me and ok that happens, its just the things he said. I feel the same as you, like Im always gonna wait for it to go wrong as they say one thing and mean another.

well I've now had a text saying he's decided he's not ready for a serious commitment and doesn't want to hurt me.

yet he was the one who was saying I should refer to him as my boyfriend

So at least I've got an answer for once, albeit not the one I wanted :(

apologies for strikeout fail!

Aw hatesponge its not nice, I know! I dont understand why they say all this stuff before hand, its like to win you over.
Hope your not feeling too disheartened! Saying that I do today, its not a nice feeling, but we both know we will move on and start again with the next.

Thanks Gems, but this is it for me I think, I'm giving up, I'm not sure I'm meant to be with anyone :(

I was the one being a bit cautious last week when he was rushing into things 100 miles an hour saying he was falling for me, & now he's the one who's backing off! typical.

I honestly know how you feel and I have also thought exactly how you do this morning. Pm me if you want a chat. Its so disheartening I know.
These guys are so unfair sometimes.

There is someone for everyone. I know how you both feel @ GemsAngels and Hatesponge. Personally i don't think the net works for everyone no matter how hard or little you try. Perhaps you would be better doing something that interests you and you might meet a like minded person that way? I generally don't think internet dating works and it takes much longer to meet someone that way than if you were meeting face to face! My experience. Good luck.

Thanks ben82 I dont think it works for me, Im not very good at it.