Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Would you go to a wedding when you don't know anyone?

71 replies

OhEmGee24 · 03/08/2012 22:24

Apart from your (new ish - 7 months) boyfriend? He's an usher at his friend's wedding from a different part of the country and therefore I've never met any of his friends from there. Ive never even met the bride or groom!

OP posts:

CogitoErgOlympics · 03/08/2012 22:54

Yes, of course! The whole point of going to parties is to meet new people isn't it?

HecateHarshPants · 03/08/2012 22:56

Hell yes. Nice day out, hopefully good grub and wine, and the chance of meeting some new people. What's not to like?

Chelc100 · 03/08/2012 23:01

I'd go to support my partner, you will probably enjoy it and it's a good opportunity to get to know his friends and party! :)

EdithWeston · 03/08/2012 23:03

Definitely.

It's a great way to meet them, as you won't be the centre of attention and feel you're being inspected IYSWIM. Chances are you'll have a great time and enjoy meeting his friends there and it will cement you a bit further as a couple.

Or you might decide they're all hideous, but at least you'll know.

NagooingForGold · 03/08/2012 23:05

yes :) you can meet new people, and if you be a dickhead through beer, you won't know anyone that you shamed yourself in front of

2to3 · 03/08/2012 23:11

Definitely. Any excuse to dress up, drink bubbly and have a boogie.

Kellamity · 03/08/2012 23:12

Is there free wine & cake on offer? If so - absobloodylutely!

ladyWordy · 03/08/2012 23:14

Yes. Are you wondering if it's appropriate, or feeling anxious about it? Tell him, if it's the latter. Maybe he will introduce you to family members who will be especially nice to you, or advise you on whom to avoid.
I expect he wants to show you off!

ladyWordy · 03/08/2012 23:19

um, that'll be friends rather than family members, but you get the idea!

Triffiddealer · 03/08/2012 23:22

Of course, it's a chance to meet his friends, I'd love it. You might find out some interesting things about him.

Are you seriously thinking of not going OP? That would be a shame

Is it because you are very shy? I can understand that it feels intimidating, but if this is a serious relationship then you need to be there for your DP. Can you talk to him about your fears, maybe you can meet some of his friends beforehand and be put on a table with someone you know?

In any event, it's just one evening - and even if it's the worst evening of your life (and I'm sure it won't be) we are talking hours not years. I once spent an evening with a distant aunt (with no escape) who spent the whole time explaining how much she hated her neighbours' cats and the revenge she took on them (the neighbours - it was bordering on legal) and how much she loved her dearly departed mother (aged 98) and that the world was a cruel and evil place because rapists and murderers still roam the streets and her dear mother was taken from her. I've dined out on the anecdote many times since (I can do the accent - and it's hilarious when I do it, you have to be there!)

And ultimately OhEm, the day isn't about you at all. It's about the bride and groom and you being there for your DP. Do you want to go?

carefulobserver · 03/08/2012 23:57

Yes, don't worry that other people will think it's odd because it's normal - every wedding couple have a handful of people there that they don't know at their wedding and haven't met. They give plus ones to everyone and accept there will be a few partners of friends that will be new to them. Enjoy the day, and as said already, if you're uncomfortable, discuss it with your boyfriend, sure he wants you there or he wouldn't have asked.

LordOfThe5Rings · 04/08/2012 00:50

Definately. They may be your new good friends. Like the adage says "a stranger is a friend you haven't met yet".

Original poster

OhEmGee24 · 04/08/2012 08:47

Oh I'm flattered he wants me there and it sounds lovely, a nice weekend in a country club in Devon. (We're from London, so this is particularly appealing!). I wouldn't say I'm shy per se, I'm always happy to talk to new people. I suppose the awkward feeling stems from not knowing the wedding couple. I kind of feel like I'd be intruding or gatecrashing some strangers' party . But I suppose as one poster said, I won't be the only plus1 who's new to the group. There are smaller much more petty worries though as I don't know any of the other wives and girlfriends, what to wear. I don't want to look like a total twonk! And as boyfriend (is he a dp after just 7months?!) is an usher I know he'll be quite busy during the church service, will I even be able to sit with him?

Wow reading this back I sound like a lemon.

OP posts:

NagooingForGold · 04/08/2012 09:07

You'll be fine, and the ceremony will be 45 mins tops. then yoiu've got the nice hotel and time together. It'll be lovely.

LifeBeginsShortly · 04/08/2012 09:15

When's the wedding? Is there no chance to meet the couple before then? Or other wags?

After ditching my boyfriend of nearly 10 years, my dh came along 3 months later to my cousin's wedding, meeting 80 of my family in one hit (including my parents the day before) - and with lots of not-so-sotto-voce comments on "what happened to X?". He survived it with flying colours, even enjoyed it. We booked the same band for our wedding 2 years later.

mamalovesmojitos · 04/08/2012 09:16

Definitely go .

TDada · 04/08/2012 09:28

Yes. Weddings are fun

Original poster

OhEmGee24 · 04/08/2012 09:36

Wedding is next Saturday. Won't get to meet anyone beforehand. Sod all to wear everything makes me look shit. Really lacking in confidence.

OP posts:

Wilding · 04/08/2012 11:13

This happened to me once - my boyfriend was also an usher and I didn't know the bride, groom or anyone else! I still went and had a nice time - even though I wasn't even sitting at the same table as my boyfriend since he was on the top table with all the other ushers...

I wouldn't worry about the church service, it's not as if anyone really chats to each other during that time and the ushers' role is normally over once everyone's in and seated so I'm sure you'd be able to sit together then. Definitely go for it! Buy yourself something lovely to wear to give you a bit of confidence, and get to the church early so your DP can introduce you to some of his friends as they arrive. By the time you're a couple of glasses of champagne down at the reception you'll be wondering what you were so worried about!

izzyizin · 04/08/2012 11:14

It's so easy to dress for a summer wedding and you're not afflicted with lack of choice in London.

A simple floral shift dress (bodycon if you've got 'isshoos') with a clutch and shrug/pashmina matched to one of the colours, this season's must-have nude shoes to show you're on trend, and a hairclip/fascinator of the type that can be picked up for pennies in H&M, Claire's, or similar.

He'll plonk you in the seat next to his and join you before the ceremony starts after he's finished his ushering duties.

Are you sure this thread isn't a stealth boast to make me regurgitate again show how loved up you still are?

Original poster

OhEmGee24 · 04/08/2012 11:26

No iz! I've just had a little blub to my sister about it because I look like shite in everything!

OP posts:

NagooingForGold · 04/08/2012 11:52

If you have even a small budget there are lots of dresses in the sales ATM. And fascinators and stuff are £2 in boots where I live.

ChaoticismyLife · 04/08/2012 11:58

Em you'll be fine. Go and be with your dp, wrt the ceremony you'll probably end up next to your dp. Even if you don't all you have to do is sit there and listen to the officiant witter on for a bit and the bride and groom take their vows. The meal usually has a seating plan and I'm sure the people will be more than willing to chat with you, then in the evening you'll be with your dp.

I went to a friend's wedding once where I only knew her and her parents/brother, it was fine. I chatted to other people, even though I wasn't as confident then as I am now.

As for what to wear, go over to style and beauty and ask for advice over there.

EdithWeston · 04/08/2012 11:59

Oh dear!

Firstly, I'm assuming that your boyfriend doesn't think you look shite, that he wants you to be there and is proud/happy to introduce you to his friends just as you are.

Secondly, you might want to add more info here about what size/shape you are (or repost in S&B) for ideas for an outfit. It sounds to me as if you might be more comfortable in something appropriate but unexceptional rather than in trying to enter the fashion stakes.

Thirdly, iz's approach could be good if she's thinking od something like this from Monsoon which also sells a purple shrug cardigan to go with it.

flyoverthehill · 04/08/2012 12:01

have a great time, but get your friends in rl to help pick an outfit, as some of the suggestions here would be great as long as your over 50

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread