Dh wants to leave

[DreamingofSmoking]

And it has hit me a bit like a bolt of lightning, stupidly, on my part.
I just feel so sad.
He told me two weeks ago today, and has gone on to behave as normal, if not better company most of the time. But he still wants to leave.
He still loves me (although maybe is not in love with me, he doesn't know), but he definitely does not want to be married any more, although he will always care for me, and wants us to be 'best friends' (yeah right! How are we meant to do that without much hurt for me!) and continue to come over and see dc all the time, come on holidays etc.
He will be moving out in September/October time, and I am holding it together at the moment (with some gin and going out with lovely friend), but am terrified I won' be able to hold it together when he eventually goes. I suppose because I forget it's happening, until he brings it up again.
When I think of all the shared history he is throwing away, and all the family time he won't be part of, and all the nights I iwll sit here alone without him I feel so sad.
I really am scared of feeling lonely, and losing all the good times we spend together, but I am not sure I can cope with being great friends with him, because I will still want him to be my dh, not my pal
I just feel so confused and :(

Please don't feel shitty about yourself or ashamed. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, as you've done nothing wrong. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I very much doubt any of this has much to do with you at all. He's probably constructed a fairytale in his head (with or without someone else) and wants to get out there and live it.

Part of that fairytale is you, standing at the door waving a spotted hanky bye bye, wishing him all good things - and being his bezzie mate so that he doesn't have to feel too guilty.

Well, fuck that, quite frankly. I'd smash his stupid, childish notions to smithereens and put him out. Right now. So what if he's nowhere else to go? What's it to you? This guy cares so damn little about your feelings he has the nerve to tell you he wishes he'd never got married!! What an utter, utter arsehole.

Please, please take control of this situation. Make him see what his actions have done, make him face the reality of losing you.

Will you stop making excuses for him? His difficult life, dead mother, 'depression' etc. etc. do not justify the kind of selfish behaviour he's demonstrating, casually abandoning his whole family like yesterday's newspaper. If he needs to work out personal matters he can do so on his own time and from his own location. Sticking around your home simply to make you feel worthless, confused and miserable is just not acceptable. He is, of course, doing it on purpose. It doesn't suit him to move out just yet so he is being deliberately nice.....

Please wake up, smell the coffee, stop feeling sorry for him and find a bit of

I am shaking

Who gives a fuck if he is cross - he will be attack is best for of defence - it just confirms his guilt.

If phoning him means he's out and about, take advantage and pack his bags now. This is your chance to get him out of your house.

I agree, pack his stuff and leave it on the doorstep

:(

Agree with What - if he's cross, so what? I expect he'll bluster and blame you, but that will just be to cover up what he's done, which is gazillions of times worse.

Dreaming, please, pack him an overnight bag and leave it on the doorstep. He CHOSE this, not you. This is what he wanted, so give it to him.

God, I feel so fucking angry on your behalf :(

Who's he out with?

I'm so sorry dreaming...take control and chuck the lying cheating scum to the kerb!
I think your DH has worked hard on lowering your self confidence though dreaming as you keep making excuses and blaming yourself!
It is your DH that is being a total pig!
Please print off FB page for evidence of behaviour before he deletes/it/blocks you!

If you chase after him on trains you are losing your self-respect. Stay where you are with your DC, pack his stuff, stick it outside and bolt the door. Make him come to you. Don't give him the chance to flannel you with a load of old pony. He said he's going and you're just bringing the removal date forward a little.

He WILL lie to you, by the way. There are women who have posted on here who found cast iron evidence that their DPs were cheating, but it still took them months and months to admit it.

Just be aware of that - and be strong. Demand passwords to all email accounts and insist on looking at text messages. If everything's been wiped you'll know why.

Be strong xxx

How can he charge his phone if out...DH is he living double life?

Take control of the situation OP i know its hard.

He doesnt want to be with you and he is clearly fucking around with other ladies. Telling him you will get on a train to him if he doesnt phone back etc is just making things harder for you.

Pack his stuff. Tell him there is going to be no family holidays and visits and he doesnt deserve a family life if he is going to be a dickhead.

Hugs x

You don't need 'evidence'. Your husband has announced he is leaving at some point in the future. It's over. Why he's leaving is unclear but it is not for you to prove, it's for him to explain at some point. In the meantime, what is at stake is your self-esteem. The power-balance in this particular game is totally with him at present. If you want to emerge from this with a shred of dignity you have to shift it 100% your way. And that starts by finishing this ridiculous 'I'll move when I'm ready' rubbish and taking charge. Stay off FB, don't check e-mails etc.... basically don't chase after him, just refuse to be treated so badly.

It's evidence that he wants to meet another woman for a drink and feels sufficiently attracted to her that he calls her "hot ass". That's what it's evidence of, if nothing else.

Do you know this woman? Has he talked about her? Has he told you about wanting to meeti her for a drink? Nope.

Would be enough for me.

Please dreaming stop it! Eyour making excuses again! You don't call a friend's GF 'hot ass' unless you want a shiner!
He is lying to you dreaming! And as said ask to see mobile with texts!
Maybe because he has told you it is over he has already decided to move on...you clearly have not which is not surprising as such a shock! But you need to kick him out! Get support from family now!

I found flirty chat on fb between STBXH and his best mates wife do checked his itemised billing and discovered he was texting her at least 100 times a day..... He denied it all , but he left me a month after all this started. It came totally out if the blue when he announced that he didnt love me any more and was leaving me..

Please don't take any shit from him, he will lie about everything and make you out to be so bad that he had no choice but to leave..

And yes, forgot to say, get him out now. He can't leave when it suits him. If he had betrayed you tell him Togo now.

Well his phone will now mysteriously have no incriminating messages, because he knows you're on to him. I wish you hadn't confronted him, but what you've found indicates that he has been at the very least on a fishing expedition. I expect one of these women is significant and implicated in all this.

Again, you don't need evidence, just your own belief that this is what's behind his request to end your marriage. However if you need proof for your own peace of mind and sanity, then just get it. Can you get access to his phone bills?

I am going to see what he has to say when he calls. He was supposed to stay at his cousins tonight as he lives near the venue, is it unreasonable to think if he gives a damn he would come home and talk to me tonight rather than stay out?
I am waiting for him to call me.
I am sorry for being so pathetic, it is hard to get my head around it. All I want him to do is run home, say its all a misunderstanding and he wants to try again. That wont happen though.
I still don't think he has done anything, even if there is flirty messages on fb. I can't bear to go on there again and look more.

I don't think he has a paper bill.

He's probably not at his cousin's at all.

Yes, if he gave a damn he would come home.

It's just too much of a coincidence that he drops this bombshell and you find inappropriate messages to women on facebook. It's looking more and more certain that there's someone else.

I know you don't want to believe that, hence you're not answering questions about his recent behaviour and you don't want to look for more incriminating evidence. But putting your head in the sand and pretending he's having a breakdown or is just a bit depressed won't help you to summon up the necessary anger to tell him to jog on.

For many people, it's actually a relief that it's just another tawdry affair scenario rather than a genuine loss of feelings for a partner. That's because the fantasy of an affair causes people to behave badly to their partners and the deeper the infatuation, the more insistent people are that they must leave their relationship. Those feelings are often no truer than a fairy story though and discovery suddenly causes the person to examine their real feelings more objectively.

Finding out about an affair short-circuits all the waiting and hoping for a reprieve. It also produces the anger that's sorely needed to take back some control of a situation that was not of your making.

Try online billing then, although you might need a password.