Is this weird?

[MammaTonic]

I have two friends that this concerns: one I'm more friendly with (I'll call her Jo here) and Alex (name also changed). Jo and Alex are very close friends.

I met Jo this morning and as we were chatting, the subject of children's age-gaps arose. Alex's children have large differences in age: they're 16, 8 and 2.

It's nosey of me, but I've always been curious if the children are all from her current partner. It matters not, but I have been curious. They just seem like unusually large planned age gaps with the same partner, that's all. A part of me feels bad for even being curious, but I'm not friendly enough with Alex to ask her without being uncomfortable, and while we were on te subject, the question just slipped out.

So I casually asked Jo and she said that the eldest was with another chap, but that the youngest two are full siblings. She said that Alex planned the gaps and prefers it that way.

Fine.

Jo then called this afternoon saying she was racked with guilt because she actually didn't know as Alex never talks about it. She said she felt awful, never lies and has no idea why told me this lie.

Now, I really like both women (particularly Jo) but I have no idea where this came from, or why she'd lie. Our eldest children are the same age so we could get to be really good friends, but do you think I have any reason to treat her with caution?

I'd appreciate if you would be civil regarding my question about Alex. I know I've been nosey and shouldn't have asked, really. It was just curiosity on my behalf.

MammaT

It's a strange thing to lie about. She could have just said she didn't know anything. Weird.

Maybe it was true, but she wasn't supposed to tell anyone and feels guilty, hence the phone call?

Maybe she just got carried away with the gossip, maybe she thought she knew but realised she didn't, or maybe she does know but thought she shouldn't be gossiping about it. I don't know if you should tread with caution, is she normally ok? Ask her to have a good think about why she lied to you.

How very strange. Maybe she wanted to seem more clued in than she is?

Maybe she thought that if she had a gossip with you and could give you info it would make you closer? Something along those lines?

Maybe that is what she thinks, and it slipped out.

Was Alex's husband in prison?

It was an odd way to respond to you, however, as you say it was none of your business in the first place-why didn't you just ask Alex? My two children have a 15 year age gap and you can see people's minds wondering if they have the same dad!! Yes they do-it just didn't happen sooner for us. It was only when we accepted that it wouldn't happen that it did!!!

If you asked me that question I'd honestly think it was none of your business. Why do you even care??

I also think it's probably true but afterwards jo realised she probably shouldn't have gossiped with you about Alex hence the cover up.

I have a 7 year gap in mine and tbh that sort of question marks me. Everyone seems so surprised I planned to have a big age gap AND dh is the father to both.
Anyway, its weird that she lied. However, I don't think she did.
I know someone who has 4 kids. The eldest is not her now dhs. The other 3 are her dhs. She has never told the eldest and he thinks his step dad is his dad.
She always meant to tell him, but finds herself scared of doing so.
we were friends at school and our dds were on the same class. She blurted the whole story to me when walking home from doing the school run, and asked me not to say anything.
A few months later another mum mentioned that my friends eldest has red hair and all the others had black hair. I very almost said 'thats because he has a different dad' without thinking. If I had of said I would have back tracked.
Sorry I have rambled but want to explain why I think she is back tracking.

Marks me? I meant narks me. :)

Thank-you for all of your replies. I can honesty say that Jo is one of the nicest people I have ever met, which is why this action from her is quite out character. I will give her the benefit of the doubt as I cannot connect it with any other weird behaviour. It's probably a lesson to me to not get caught in intrigue and idle gossip. I meant no malice but I can see how Alex could misconstrue my intentions.

There is the possibility that Jo got carried away. She may have wanted to seem more clued-up about Alex ... I know that Jo has had issues inthe past about feeling unpopular with female friends, so that might explain things.

As I said, I know Alex's family is completely none of my business. It's not that I "care" as in am concerned or would let anything I learned affect my thoughts/responses to Alex. It really was/is just curiosity. I think the only ball I dropped here was vocalising that curiosity.

Thanks again,

MT

I have big age gaps between mine,the question always narked me as well.

No idea why your mate lied though.

We have a 10 yr old and then a 4 yr old and a 3 yr old. People often think our eldest is from previous....and sometimes even ask.

I can honestly say it doesn't bother me. Why would it?

Oh - should add...he isn't.

I think you should overlook your friend's embellishment OP. If she starts coming out with more pish, then worry....but otherwise not.