Why do women want relationships?

[LovesPeace]

I'm in my 40's and have just left a long term relationship, currently enjoying being single.

But everyone seems to think two things - 1. I need to find another man, 2. Because I am sooooo old, it will be impossible to find a good man, and I must be grateful for anyone who shows an interest.

Now, with ex, I did everything. I did all the housework, all the dishes, laundry, bill organising, reminding him to pay stuff, despite working more hours per week than he did, and paying at least half of our bills.

In return he was passive-aggressive, selfish in bed, whiny, and ultimately cheated on me with prostitutes, and online affairs with 20yr olds (although he didn't get far as they didn't really want him), and a failed attempt at swinging.

So, tell me regarding 'finding a man' - what's in it for me?

(And as a further point - why do podgy, balding, average looking, fairly dull men think that hot 20yr olds will be desperate for them? I am mystified).

Your dad sounds lovely, you must miss him horribly.

Your ex sounds like mine - all profusions of love and adoration, but all mouth and no trousers really. Those words are very easy to say.

I think if a bloke asked me out I would give him a clip round the ear, way I feel now.

Trust nae fucker.

You don't NEED to be in a relationship at all...only go into one of that is what you WANT.

Personally, like you, I'm happy being single and comments of "you need to get yourself a man/get yourself out there/keep a man" just makes me laugh and pity the one saying those things to me.

My wife was in her 40's when I met her. She had never brought any of her boyfriends home since her 20's - her mother and sister live with her, which might sound odd, but is not uncommon in this country.

She told me that they would put pressure on her to marry whichever bloke she brought home who seemed reasonably OK. I thought that was just an excuse, but accepted it.

Eventually she did introduce me to her family. After an uneasy language-barriered half hour, everybody relaxed, and the look of relief on my now mother-in-law's face took the biscuit. While I was chatting to my sister-in-law, I could hear my mother-in-law testing out her daughter's first name and my surname. Then she speculated on whether I could find a job in the area.

Before I left, she took a picture of me, my now wife, and my now nephew (son of sister in law) just to "see what we would look like if we were a couple with a child"!!

The whole family on that side wished my wife congratulations of her marriage and "isn't it great that you don't need to be alone any more".

So it's everywhere.

Hmmm.
Been married 13 years.
Together for 17.
And I honesty can't answer your question op
:(

I've been single a long time and have always preferred single life. Now that I've brought up children and have time on my hands I would love to meet the right guy. What I would hope to get out of it is regular sex with just one partner, companionship and happiness as I don't fancy growing old on my own.

I think that sex is a massive practical joke on everyone. I am starting to think that nobody actually has sex and it is like the emperor's new clothes and nobody admits it.

I look at my mum and dad and see two people who know each other better than anyone in the world, who've loved and supported each other for nearly 50 years, who make each other laugh and who get to reminisce over all the trials, tribulations and adventures they've had along the way (and still have room or a few more to come). The love and companionship they share is obvious to anyone who knows them. Then I look at DP's mum and dad and see ...exactly the same thing. To be loved by someone like that and be loved in turn seems like a wonderful thing, so I hope I'll get there too.

Teenagers have sex

No they don't.
Teenagers fuck :)
I vaguely remember that....

My XP's parents are like that - been married over 50 years, and until my XFILs recent illness, went out dancing 3 nights a week like they did as teenagers. Very much in love and always kind and thoughtful to each other seemingly.

Fuck it though. I am washing no man's socks again.

Why do women want relationships?

Because the relationships that people want are not much like how you describe your ex.

I think living with someone is hard, regardless of how much you love them, how wonderful they are, no matter how regularly he/she goes down on you......

And forever could be a veeeeeery long time

I'm very much looking forward to getting old, without having to navigate irritation etc

Forever won't be a very long time for me as I'm getting on.

I've brought up children and washed their clothes, cooked for them for a long time. As long as he takes his turn to wash my silk lingerie then I don't see it as that different. Obviously want some time to myself before I live with someone, if I ever do. A stable relationship doesn't have to mean living together but guess if you really love each other then it would progress to that.

I have always had sex, despite being single, but it's been with different partners and I would like to have just the one now.

I don't know, but I wonder if it's something to do with how distant we are from our extended families?

I think pregnancy and life with a newborn makes you feel very vulnerable and having more than one adult around makes life much easier in child-raising, generally. No reason why it has to be (1) a man or (2) my romantic partner, though. My parents or sister or brother would have been able to do all the stuff I needed help with throughout pregnancy and those blurry early days with a newborn breastfeeding all the time. But my husband was actually there and in the house, so he did them. Brilliantly, as it happens, but then I've got one of those rare breed: men who pull their weight.

I would miss all kinds of things about him - and about my life with him, mainly how much we laugh, someone to ask about my day and talk over my problems with, physical affection, sharing hobbies, talking politics... but I'm not sure I'd rush to replace him. In fact, his brilliance at parenting, housework, etc makes me (1) even more irritated when he moves something I'm looking for and (2) unlikely to ever replace him if he gets hit by a bus or something awful like that.

I read all these threads in relationships where the women are basically domestic appliances with genitals, as far as their husbands/partners think, and it makes me shudder with horror. If that's what most marriages are like, I'd not risk it again. I like my own company, I have all the children I want, and I do housework for NO OTHER ADULTS. So I imagine I'd never 'get a man' these days

I just couldn't be bothered to sit there on a date and listen to another man's dull bullshit, tbh.

I've just started dating again after a year single. I don't know either

But I do like sex, chatting, going to a a nice restaurant with a handsome man, being made to feel pretty... [is there a shallow emoticon?]

What I do not want is any hint of grumpiness, football on my telly or Man Products in my lovely girly bathroom.

So goodness knows

getorf

I'd quite like to go speed dating, and think of some really difficult questions to ask

Same here getorf...I've just had enough of it all...I don't even miss the sex one little bit.

Been single for...2 years now and loving every single second of it.

Hmm, yes the thought of going on dates isn't pleasant. I had been seeing someone who I would have wanted as my partner in time but he didn't want me, b-d. So I can draw on how I feel for him when I imagine a relationship. If I hadn't met him then I couldn't envisage ever wanting a relationship with anyone iyswim.

If I went on a speed date in my present state of mind, I would sit there arms folded like Lou Beale and be distinctly unimpressed by everything.

I am quite happy to be a spinster of the parish.

I want one for love, the sense of being together against the world etc. And regular sex.

I haven't been in a relationship for 4 years, and whilst being single has much to be said for it, I miss sex. A lot. And the reality of being single is the only sex you get is the odd one night stand here and there. Which is fine as far as it goes but not enough for me and never will be. The only sex I can get is one offs, I don't still want to be doing this when I'm 50, it's depressing enough at 40! But the alternative of no sex at all ever again is even less palatable...

I do know some really good marriages, but (as an outside observer) I also see a lot of crap ones where the men see their wives as a W.I.F.E. (washing, ironing, fucking, everything else). I did wish I had a partner on Friday, mind, when I had a really bad d&v bug, and had to haul my ass out of bed to get DS from nursery. But other than that, I like my own space.

Depends who you are and where you are in life. I think economic factors play a bigger part certainly in a lot of younger women's (and men's) decisions to be in relationships than we like to admit. Being single and being able to live and pay rent/mortgage on your own place is a luxury now due to cost of housing.

So sadly economic circumstances are actually reinforcing all the old cultural stereotyping about needing to be in a partnership at the moment.