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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SPEAKING TO HIS EX ON FACEBOOK. AGAIN. CHANGED HIS PASSWORD, I FEEL LIKE KILLING BOTH OF THEM!

52 replies

bellarose2011 · 29/07/2012 17:01

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice. me an DP have been together 6 years and have 2 DD's 7months and 2 1/2yrs. we have a far from perfect relationship and things have been really bad for the last 6 months (stress of having to small children i think) and we argue a lot. but we do really love eachother and i think its worth saving.
some background on the ex situation. they were together for 6 years but started when they were very young so only lived together as a serious couple 2-3 yrs. they lived next door to eachother there whole childhoods.
he told me he couldn't remember how many times he cheated on her because he was young and stupid. she a skinny bitch and im jelouse of her and hate her! sooo childish i know.
when me and him first moved in together he was always very secretive of his facebook and whenever he had worked away i would see on his phone they had spoke or txt but never in front of me so i was always paranoid about them. one day i found messages in his inbox between them, there was nothing sexual but at the end they had both put 'miss you so much' 'love you so much baby'. i went beserk and made him delete her off facebook.
this was in 2009 since then she has always sent him messages and freind requests that he has ignored. i know this as ive had his password but he didn't know so wouldn't have had a chance to delete stuff.
then the other day i was snooping and found that he had sent her a message just saying hello. thay had talked about him being under the thumb but wasn't anymore, he said we aren't together anymore and havn't been for months (not true) and how he was the best boyfreind she ever had.
i am so devasted, i just can't believe after all this time and 2 kids he's dragging her back into our lives. then this morning i went to go on his FB and he had changed the password. what do i do now??
he refuses to move out under any circumstances. i just wish she would piss right off.

OP posts:
nkf · 29/07/2012 17:05

He said you and he weren't together? Have I got that right? If so, that's terrible. Do you want to split up with him or to give her up? It sounds like both from your last sentence?

bellarose2011 · 29/07/2012 17:09

yes he told her we hadn't been together for months, i couldn't believe what i was reading. when i asked him about it he said it was because in blazing rows i had said i don't want to be with him anymore. i wonder what he would say if i slept with some one else and used that excuse??!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 29/07/2012 17:12

You need to get rid of your stupid boyfriend

He is the one that needs to "piss right off"

You are blaming her when the real culprit is sitting there laughing in your face about how he keeps making a fool of you, and you keep letting him

bellarose2011 · 29/07/2012 17:26

im blaming both of them, to be fair he instigated it this time. i just wish she didn't exist. also she has a boyfreind and wouldn't get back with him. and about a year after they broke up she tried to get back with him and he didn't so i don't think that would happen. they just seem to want to talk to eachother in a way that is innappropriate (spelling?) when you are in a relationship with someone else.

OP posts:
bundle · 29/07/2012 17:33

Change the locks when he's out

TheHappyHissy · 29/07/2012 17:37

He told her that you are not with him any longer?

Well then, you are NOT.

Tell him to get the fuck out.

Stand up for yourself love.

AnyFucker · 29/07/2012 17:37

it's a bit more than "inappropriate" to tell another woman a big fat fucking lie that he is no longer in a relationship with you

TheHappyHissy · 29/07/2012 17:38

((Hugs AF)) Long time no see....

AnyFucker · 29/07/2012 17:39

look love, what he did was a dumping offence

why would he lie ?

why would he want to deny a relationship with you ?

get your head screwed on, you are being taken for a mug

AnyFucker · 29/07/2012 17:41

hey HissPots, been on me jollies

hope you are well x

QuintessentialShadows · 29/07/2012 17:42

Ay, you are taking for a mug.

You have literally experienced a third party facebook dump.

LissiesAWenlockLass · 29/07/2012 17:44

I have to ask, why have you been snooping on him? The way he has behaved is terrible, and dh would be out of the door, the ex hasn't really done anything wrong, but you have been snooping on him for ages! I know dhs password and wouldn't dream of looking in his fb account or emails.

LissiesAWenlockLass · 29/07/2012 17:44

I have to ask, why have you been snooping on him? The way he has behaved is terrible, and dh would be out of the door, the ex hasn't really done anything wrong, but you have been snooping on him for ages! I know dhs password and wouldn't dream of looking in his fb account or emails.

Dprince · 29/07/2012 17:46

He sounds like a twat. Tbh, do you want to be in a relationship where you have to regularly snoop to ensure he is not being inappropriate with an ex? Sounds very stressful.
I don't want to sound mean, but he doesn't love you. He doesn't love her. He only cares about himself. I think he is attempting to line her up in case you do break up.

CuriousMama · 29/07/2012 17:47

Is he ever physically as well as mentally abusive?

PorkyandBess · 29/07/2012 17:53

What AF said.

Why would you even want a relationship with someone you don't trust? Snooping on his FB? No way to be happy.

bleedingheart · 29/07/2012 17:56

He is your problem, if the EX disappeared do you think your troubles would end? In your first post you said that he had cheated on her during their LTR. Stop trying to compete and snoop, it must be so tiring. What do you get out of this relationship? Do you love HIM or what you hoped he would be? This is so hard when you have small children, but try and get some time to yourself to think about what you want. I hope you realise that you are worth so much more than this.

AnyFucker · 29/07/2012 18:01

Don't have any more kids with this fuckaround, OP

SirBoobAlot · 29/07/2012 18:05

You obviously don't trust him as far as you can throw him, and evidently with good reason. Get rid, better off without.

SirBoobAlot · 29/07/2012 18:05

(And may I just say in my MN absence, I have missed you AF Wink)

bellarose2011 · 29/07/2012 18:12

i was snooping because i had suspicions about them obviously i was right. would i have been better off to trust him and never know this? im sorry but i don't trust any man and never will. i know that 99% of men would cheat given a chance of getting away with it.
and yes he has been abusive in the past.

OP posts:
ScarletSmellyFeet · 29/07/2012 18:13

AF where have you been, wail!! I needed you under a different name last week!!

Op get rid, it's him not her!

rainbowinthesky · 29/07/2012 18:13

Seems like the relationship is over.

NoWayNoHow · 29/07/2012 18:17

If it wasn't her, it'd be someone else.

  • He's at the very least had an EA with her in the past.
  • He's now instigated contact again and is pretending you're not together.
  • There is clearly absolutely no trust at all on your side if you've been reading his private correspondence on an ongoing basis, and this somehow seems so normal for you that you almost sound pissed off that he's had the audacity to change his password.

Please, do remind us what the hell are you still doing with him?

LissiesAWenlockLass · 29/07/2012 18:19

99% of men will not cheat. Yes, you have been proven right, but all these things add up to a toxic relationship that benefits noone. If I were you, I would get rid, be on your own for a while, get some counselling and learn to be happy.

Its not his exes fault he's a fuckwit. Most men aren't. Most men don't make you feel that you should snoop on them (which, btw, I think was wrong. Whether it caught him out or not, for a long time you were wrong. I would be furious if dh checked my emails and fb)