womens attitudes to crossdressing

[calikid]

hi everyone,

i write this as a response to the numerous comments on a variety of posts regarding reaction to any stories where crossdressing is a subject. Firstly i'd like to make it clear that i am male and as such appreciate i may be laying myself bare to the onslaught of comment that is likely to come my way. although male i love to wear "womens clothes". What I would like to know is simply why shouldn't I. can anyone give me one valid reason why I shouldn't? because I have never been able to think of one.
I am happily married with two dds and a beautiful wife , all of whom i love very much. My wife knows all about my dressing and has been with me to a couple of tv gatherings. i told her not long after we got together and she was totally fine with it, we have been married now for 8 yrs. we do not let the children know as they are still quite young.
In all other respects I am very much one of the lads......I like football and beer (but then so do many women!), i work in construction, I teach martial arts, I help with housework , I don't mind ironing(coz i can do it while watching tv!)
I take a size 10 and look pretty good in a skirt and heels, but then so does my wife, its just she can do it whenever she pleases and good for her. its just the injustice and ignorance of society that infuriates me.
I'm curious to know how the rest of women feel about the issue

Agree with you helltotheno.

Not necessarily, though it is for some people and it's percieved as one by others.

Clearly!

The thing that SGB brought up about children and them knowing about their parents/caregivers' sexual proclivities highlights some of the differences between recreational cross-dressers, cross-dressers of the fetish variety, TVs who are more into having a female alter ego, and men who feel confined by trousers and want to wear skirts for comfort and appearance reasons. All of these would need to be broached differently with children, family members and friends. I don't think children need to know about fetish games adults play in bed, but there might come a time to know about dad/grandad/Uncle Pete's female alter ego, if the man involved is passing publicly where other people the children know will see him. Likewise, if dad/grandad/Uncle Pete decides that trousers trap his widger too much and takes to wearing a Fijian sarong (if he isn't Fijian/similar origin), that needs to be discussed in a different way.

Do non-cd tell their children about cd tv and gay/stright couples?

I do and will continue to talk to my children about all the differet people and cultures and choices that make up the human race. I dont see the point in not telling ur children and not wearing what you want in your own home all the time.

I really wouldnt worry what other people think but i would expect to have to answer a few question by your childrens friends parents and to reassure them a bit.

You are lieing to your children and not showing them to respe t other peoples choices or to be open minded or to have confidence in who you are.

Also do you just wear skirts out side to feel the breeze or do you also wear them inside as well?

Do you wear womens underwear all the time as noone can see them?

Do do you think men see you? Do you think men and women see you differently?

My dc know about cross dressers, drag queens, gay & tv. Not sure how young there were when we first discussed things like this but it would just come up. For example, they watched Mrs Doubtfire aged about 7 or 8 I think and that raised a few questions.

Lots of 12 year olds watch Friends and in that programme Chandler's 'dad' is a woman.

In an episode of Miranda she got mistaken for a man in drag.

These are not taboo subjects and, provided it's not done for a sexual reasons, I don't see why it can't be discussed with the children.

My dc know about different sexualities, different cultures, not yet discussed in depth cd, have talked about tv - eldest is 7. Will talk about it when it comes up. Don't have a problem with it or with kids knowing. Sexual fetishes are a different thing.

Cross-dressing in theory isn't an issue for me at all.
In the specific case of my DH, I would be very shocked. I would need to take a long look at our relationship and the trust is was based on. The same would be true if he suddenly revealed any other, previously secret, activities that meant a lot to him and which he had not shared with me.
For example, if I found out my DH supported a football team and was a season ticket holder, this would be so far away from the man I met and fell in love with, who was apparently uninterested in sport but who had been taking steps to keep his real interest secret, that I would feel very shaken and unsure about our future together.

To demonstrate a point my dcs don't have to be protected from the existence of shoes just because some people have a sexual fetish involving them.

I wouldn't be questioning the relationship if my DH revealed he secretly cd tbh. In our relationship it is fine for us to have private lives, I get why people might feel betrayed if their relationship involved sharing everything.

Plenty, I'm fully aware of the pressures on women to conform to the idealised image of femmininity , and yes for most this takes alot of hard work. i am a very strong advocate of womens rights and the need to try to deconstruct this social structure we have which sets such high expectations. I do have 2 daughters and i would like them to have the freedom to express themselves in any way they choose without predjudice or social pressure. my dw has her own career at which she works very hard and i'm very proud of her for that, she is setting a great role model for the girls, as are countless other women in our society. pressures upon women in no way diminish the similar pressures on men to conform to their stereotypical masculine role, and that is the point i'm trying to make. we don't expect you to fight our battles for us, but merely to support the fight in the same way as many men support women in their battles. we shouldn't be fighting each other but together we can be stronger

as regards the issue of whether or not to tell the kids about my satorial proclivities, we decided rightly or wrongly some time age that we would not. from what i remember of the conversation , it was the suggestion of dw, although she does accept that at some stage in the future we probably will. I don't particularly see this as a deception or a lie as there are plenty of things thats plenty of parents keep from their kids. Thats not to say we aren't totally open with them as to the full range of types of people and relationships that exist. If they come across something and ask a question we don't shy away and avoid answering honestly. Logic being that if they are old enough to ask the question they are old enough to get the answer.
we are confident that we can guide the and educate them sufficiently so they develop informed views based on the truth and not on ignorance and predjudice. fingers crossed

It would seem that your 'sartorial proclivities' cause you to chose clothing which 'conforms to the idealised image of femininity'.

I ask the question again. Does crossdressing enable you to exhibit a feminine persona or alter ego? Or do you simply stride around in a pencil skirt and high heels?

Im not going to engage any more untill my questions have been answered even in a general none personal manner.

the idealised image of femininity to which I refer is of course merely a construct of society and the media, so to be frank , I don't actually hold any ideal image as the the range of femininity is so wide that it is impossible to pin down to a single one. That said , i merely dress in the style that makes me feel comfortable, nothing more. when i choose clothing it is for me and i wouldn't presume that it would be ideally suited to anyone else let alone everyone else.

Crossdressing, i suppose does allow me a feminine expression, but that is only because the clothes i would choose are presently intended for females. Were it that female clothing was accessible and accepted for all than it would no longer be a feminine expression but merely a personal expression. I guess the form of expression is determined by how the audience perceives it regardless of the wearers intention. as regards an alter ego, many cds choose a fem name for when deressed and going out. I have chosen not to do this and just use my own name

Op did say that he's not bothered with an altered name, and he did go out once or twice without wig and makeup as that's what he would always prefer to do, but given the rural community they live in he now only goes to meetings, in wig etc, as it's a clubby thing. The whole point is that he IS a man with man's face and hair and figure but just wants the choice to wear sensual clothes that are made for women (i.e. skirts of slinky fabrics). I really like this notion of not taking on female persona, to me this is a deeper psychological issue and very confusing to a cd sexually and socially.

I think it's also an artistic expression in case of OP, apart from how he feels in a tactile way, as he has the 'model's figure' with his proportions and looks probably quite stunning! male clothes just don't allow it, especially showing the legs/waist.

i prefer to wear them outside but of course i get much more opportunity to wear indoors, both of which i enjoy. and no i don't wear the underwear all the time, as i find its only in conjunction with the feeling of a skirt that adds to the sensuality.

good question about the difference between how men and women see me. I don't know to be honest. I would suspect that women would be more accepting as the wearing of skirts etc isn't alien to them, whereas many men might fight it totally mystifying why we would want to.of course another reason men might feel animosity is where cds attempt to present fully as women and this could be perceived in many ways. are they trying to undermine our masculinity, trap unsuspecting suitors...........you only have to watch a bit of jeremy kyle show and you get the picture.

but yes i'd be interested if there were any straight guys who want to give some input.

You haven't answered my question.

Do you behave in what may be perceived by others in a 'feminine' manner when you are dressed up in women's clothinng i.e. do you exhibit what may be called a 'feminine' persona or behave in a manner that is markedly different to that which you exhibit when wearing male or unisex clothing?

Do you alter the way you walk or carry yourself? Do you hope that strangers/others will see you as being a woman rather than a man in drag?

thankyou tonofbricks, again you 've got the picture

OP, you are shamelessly only responding to the people who validate your choices and ignoring the ones that ask you direct questions

do you want a debate or a whitewash ?

yes i do walk differently when dressed as obviously, heels are very different than mens footwear and require a great deal more composure. Stairs are more of a challenge and of course sitting requires more care, ie not sitting with legs splayed.........not exactly appealing! so if that is what you mean by feminine manner then yes, but thats really as far as it goes, i don't attempt to feign femininity in order to appear more feminine. I just act and talk as normal.
as regards whether i want others to perceive me, if I'm out in full drag makeup etc, I would like to appear as a woman to strangers and blend in as do most cds but I 've got no allusions that this is always or perhaps even ever achievable, maybe at a distance! I would say its a defence mechanism hoping to avoid negative reaction, but i do enjoy it if i am read and get positive reactions. at a cd party or meeting i prefer that i am read as a cd.

but as i've said a couple of times already, my ideal situation would be to dress in the clothes but present fully as male with no issue, but where i'm at in life at present thats not really an option

i don't think i am , just read thru a few of my posts and you see i am trying to answer as candidly as i can. which direct questions are you suggesting i have avoided?

ooh, look. You answered them now

i apologise if i don't respond quick enough, but i'm being asked some porbing questions and it takes a bit of time to gather my thoughts and then try to write without sounding ambigious or evasive, please bear with me