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Original poster

Are we Boyfriend and Girlfriend?

64 replies

becca44 · 27/07/2012 21:10

Been seeing a nice guy for couple of months and we agreed after the third date we were not interested in seeing anyone else.

We have a lot of chemistry and we both want to have sex but i said that i only want to have sex if it is a relationship as i don't do friends with benefits or casual sex. He said that he was fine with that however i don't know what i am with him. Am i his girlfriend or not? We act like gf and bf and spend time together but i asked him the other day would he like to be gf and bf and he wouldn't give me an answer.

What should i do wait for him or just ask him where he sees it going?

I cannot see the point in dragging out the dating process when you clearly like someone and want to have sex with them and would rather just give a relationship a go rather than take things extremely slow. I am not sure when people say take things slow whether they mean they don't really want to committ or want a relationship.

Am really confused as to where i stand.

Any advice and should i wait around for this guy to tell me if he wants a serious relationship or move on?

Rebecca

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 27/07/2012 21:13

Ask him. Communication is fundamental for a successful relationship.

Offred · 27/07/2012 21:17

Yes only he can tell you this really!

Original poster
becca44 · 27/07/2012 21:20

Im just frightened of being rejected :-(

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 27/07/2012 21:24

At least you'd know where you stand, though.

It is hard but you have to be tough to these things or you end up stuck in a relationship that isn't working for you because you're too frightened to let go of it in case it gets better, when usually, it won't!

Just ask him, face to face so he can't stall. "What's going on with us - are we in a relationship or not?" You can't be in a relationship on your own! :)

Original poster
becca44 · 27/07/2012 21:25

Silly me asked him by email. Perhaps not the best way to ask. Maybe if he can't give me an answer he isn't the one for me.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 27/07/2012 21:26

This article is good

EclecticShock · 27/07/2012 21:30

Face to face would have been better. If he rejects you, there's not much you can do...better to move on and find someone who wants the same things as you.

Original poster
becca44 · 27/07/2012 21:38

@EclecticShock Thanks for that advice. You wouldn't wait for him then?

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 27/07/2012 21:39

What do you mean wait for him?

EclecticShock · 27/07/2012 21:40

Wait for his response sure, but accept it for what it is. If you get no response, ask him face to face?

GentleLentilWeaver · 27/07/2012 21:41

"We act like gf and bf and spend time together but I asked him the other day would he like to be gf and bf and he wouldn't give me an answer."

Hmm, sounds like that is your answer. Surely he should be leaping to affirm commitment, if he's really into you? I would try once more to talk (even if you don't like the answers you get) and then back off.

Original poster
becca44 · 27/07/2012 21:43

Sorry, i meant if he doesn't want to be my boyfriend should i wait til he does want to be my boyfriend? Of course id wait for his response.

OP posts:
emsyj · 27/07/2012 21:43

Errrr, men don't become more interested in you the longer you wait, you know! "Wait for him" my arse!

I think you already know the answer to this, don't you? Don't waste time on someone who is just messing around if what you really want is a relationship. If he's looking for a casual fling, let him go and find one.

EclecticShock · 27/07/2012 21:46

If he doesn't want to be your boyfriend... As in give your relationship exclusivity and you want exclusively then I'd move on.

Original poster
becca44 · 27/07/2012 21:47

Well thanks for some of the advice. I will have to wait to hear what he says but going to ask him face to face when i see him next and if he can't tell me what he wants then its bye bye. Lifes too short to mess around and i don't need committment phobes in my life lol

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 27/07/2012 21:52

Better to end it now then when you are more involved. You have a right to have a relationship that is exclusive. If he can't provide that and you aren't happy, move on.

Original poster
becca44 · 27/07/2012 21:55

Yeah your right. Although im not a fan of labels being labelled 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' makes it clearer where you both stand but if he can't see that then thats his problem and may have an issue with committment.

OP posts:
EclecticShock · 27/07/2012 22:00

Good luck OP, thinking of you :)

Original poster
becca44 · 27/07/2012 22:05

Thanks EclectricShock will let you know the outcome :-) Have a great weekend!

OP posts:
Original poster
becca44 · 29/07/2012 16:52

Was supposed to of seen the guy i am seeing this weekend and he said we would arrange something for the weekend when i saw him Wednesday. Weekend arrives and don't here a thing or get a text so another weekend of let downs. This is the second weekend he has done this to me now and am getting fxcked off with it now. Why is it people always let me down? People today are so fickle and self centred. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

OP posts:
GiserableMitt · 29/07/2012 16:54

Well sorry to say, it seems you have your answer Sad

Original poster
becca44 · 29/07/2012 16:57

I think i shall stay single can't be bothered with dating anymore too much emotional stress.

OP posts:
OhEmGee24 · 29/07/2012 16:57

Becca - sorry but I think that's your answer darling. If a) he can't give a direct answer when confronted and b) you don't hear from him then I'd say move on. How old are you btw?

I asked my now boyfriend out right after just 4 weeks and he kissed me and said "definitely" straight away. If he'd hesitated like the bloke you're seeing, that silence would have told me a lot.

Original poster
becca44 · 29/07/2012 16:58

Im 30 and hes 47.

OP posts:
nkf · 29/07/2012 17:00

He's given you his answer. I'm sorry. The no answer was an answer, particularly when it was followed by not following through on the weekend date. Sorry. Hope the next one is better.

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