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Original poster

Found something out about DP today...

61 replies

Gettheetoanunnery · 26/07/2012 19:09

Went round for a bottle of wine cup of tea at MILs today, somehow we got on the subject of the fact DP has always told lies. I had no idea about this side to him as he's always gone on about how important it is for us to be truthful.
He told me he used to live in Canada, this is not true.
He told me he had 2 adopted sister's, one of them died when we were in our first years of the relationship and the other one moved back to Canada. This is not true, they dont exist.
He told me he was in the special forces, also not true.

Now I'm really confused. I keep looking at back over our time and trying to figure out what else he's been lieing about. I feel hurt :( I've always tried to be ultra sensitive about his sisters as it obviously seemed like a sensitive subject to him, he must have been laughing his head off behind my back.

If he's lied about this, then what else has he lied about? How will I ever find out? His mum only knows so much about his life and I don't think she'll want to get very involved.
I haven't said anything to him yet, I want to get my head together first before I confront him. I don't know what to do :( am I totally over reacting?

OP posts:
Babylon1 · 26/07/2012 19:10

Ooh what a shock Sad

Don't know what to advise. Did mil say why he lies?

LeB0F · 26/07/2012 19:11

How long have you been together?

lisaro · 26/07/2012 19:11

Er no, YANBU. I'd run a mile - he sounds really fucked up.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 26/07/2012 19:11

Fucking hell.

I'd be out of there like a bullet out of a gun! He needs serious help.

Pancakeflipper · 26/07/2012 19:14

Did he do this to make himself appear to be more 'interesting' because he considers his life to be dull?

You need to talk to him.

monstermissy · 26/07/2012 19:15

My ex told me bizarre lies when we first got together, about having children that didnt exsist for starters. 16 years down the line i wish i had walked away in the first year. The horrific aurguments we had about him refusing to admit to what were clearly lies. Goodness knows why he did it but it was a crap relationship looking back and now it would be a deal breaker for me. Wait to see what his reasons are and if they are not rock solid i would walk.

HeathRobinson · 26/07/2012 19:16

Could mil be lying?

pictish · 26/07/2012 19:17

Oh God - a fantasist.

Not for me the fantasist. It's kind of pathetic as well as dodgy. Very unattractive. I'd be for the off myself...no two ways.

BertieBotts · 26/07/2012 19:19

That was my first thought too - do you trust MIL more or him? Because one of them is clearly lying.

Although the fact he's always "gone on" about truthfulness would be a red flag to me TBH, most people just assume their partners and friends will be truthful, you don't need to spell it out.

However I also have a MIL (ish!) who is known in the family for making things up and just outright lying to cause trouble and drama Confused

ImperialBlether · 26/07/2012 19:20

You call her your MIL - are you actually married to this guy?

I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who even lies about what he's had for his lunch, never mind one who invents dead sisters.

If you think he has a violent streak, though, I'd be wary about telling him what his mum said.

LeB0F · 26/07/2012 19:21

Lying to that extend is kind of sociopathic or personality-disordered, isn't it? I only ask how long you've been together because if it's only a few months, I wouldn't even bother talking to him about it; I'd change the locks and phone or email him that it's over.

Oogaballoo · 26/07/2012 19:23

I wouldn't be able to trust him after this. Especially if it came to money- who's to say he won't start thinking up an imaginary pay rise or bonus, or that he can afford that nice holiday you always wanted because he's paid off the bills? Dreaming up a flash life while putting it all on credit cards, for instance. Bugger that.

Astr0naut · 26/07/2012 19:24

Is the red flag thread still about? I'm sure lying was on that.

It definitely was for my ex - along with shoplifting, drinking....

TheLightPassenger · 26/07/2012 19:24

You aren't overreacting. I'ld run for the hills on this one. The special forces thing is another red flag for a fantasist, isn't it?

Houseofplain · 26/07/2012 19:26

What a fucking nutter. He sounds batshit. The type you see turning up at military parades with their medals. The ones with 5 families on the go. Or the ones that lose it and do a hell of a lot worse because they are so fucked up.

So he's lied about having sisters, one of whom died, he's lied about living in Canada, and having relatives there and being sf. Fwiw, bit late now. But anyone who does any kind of job like that, never brags about it, even after. Risks are too high, plus they never pick those types. So I'd be inclined to think your mil is telling the truth and he's a fucking basket case tbh. I'm shocked!

Original poster
Gettheetoanunnery · 26/07/2012 19:27

Not married but we are engaged and have 1 dc together. Been with him for 5 years. I do trust MIL (I call her that cos its easier) and can't see why she would lie for no reason, she is soo not that sort of person. She said he's always either told small lies or exaggerated the truth but she was v shocked at the made up sisters. I've never heard either her or FIL talk about them, I should have guessed.

My ex told lies all the time, but they were more along the lines of lieing about where he was or what he was doing, not just total fantasies.

In a way I don't want to tell him I know, cos then I'd have to say it was MIL who told me and I don't want her getting in trouble. How do I even approach this with him? And how do I find out what else is lies?

OP posts:
pictish · 26/07/2012 19:27

He's got issues anyway.

I am not interested in taking on board, or sorting out anyone's issues. Of which he has many. I'm just not desperate kind enough.

Being with someone who makes shit up for drama is not on my to-do list. Ever.

cupcake78 · 26/07/2012 19:28

Yep agree, get out now!

pictish · 26/07/2012 19:28

Do you think he lies a lot then? Are you looking back at stuff he's told you and going hmmm....

Astr0naut · 26/07/2012 19:28

I do love how MIL knows about the lies though. Lying always seems ot be such a childish thing to do. I can just imagine her sighing into her cup of tea and giving a wry little chuckle over it.

Original poster
Gettheetoanunnery · 26/07/2012 19:28

He was in the marines like he said he was, I think he just exaggerated the special forces bit.

God, I'm totally baffled!

OP posts:
creativepebble · 26/07/2012 19:29

No, you are not overreacting. Sounds like a nightmare and I'd be very cautious now. They were very big lies.

Sorry, big red flag. If it was me, I'd be on course to consider leaving the bastard.... sorry.

pictish · 26/07/2012 19:30

If he were my son, and he'd invented dead sisters and stuck to his story into adulthood...I'd be worried what was missing from his brain life.

Houseofplain · 26/07/2012 19:31

Look. People who do really work in spook type jobs. Don't brag about it ever, they don't really tell people, or use it as kudos. It's the oldest red flag in the book. It's the talk of fantasists.

He sounds absolutely crazy. Where do you start? Well you don't know him at all. Would be a good start. The fact he's probably got some quite severe issues going on....I'd be running with your dc very far away :(

Original poster
Gettheetoanunnery · 26/07/2012 19:34

It's just a total shock. I put so much trust in him and now I have no idea what's real and what's lies. I have no idea where to start on finding out the truth, there's a million things he could have lied about. I just can't get my head around it...

OP posts: