The Brave Babes Battle Bus - All Going On A Sober Holiday! <crosses fingers that it stays sunny>

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, mouse

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus, grab yourself a seat, they're really comfy and a , oh and a home-made chocolate chip before they all get eaten!

We're a Bus full of alcohol abusers/addicts, some of us say it out loud, some whisper it and some aren't ready to say it at all just yet.

That said, there are a few of us who just have the occasional drink and that's something that they can handle. There are a few of us who must NEVER have another drink because that first one will lead to many, many more which will only ever end badly.

We're open to all....there are no requirements to join us on our journey to sobriety, there's support, great laughs, tears and tantrums here and that's just me!!!

If you'd like to see how we got here, follow THIS LINK

Good morning babes,
Just a quick check in.
Survived last night so Day 4 today

Will read back and catch up with you all later.
I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY

i'd forgotten how quickly this thread moves!

alias - mirtazapine is seriously crazy appetite wise and tbh sounds like a bit of a sledgehammer to crack a nut for cfs - it's usually for depression that has you lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean and when you're that low you don't mind piling on weight at a rate of knots. usually for cfs a small dose of amyltriptylene is given (old tricyclic AD) which is known to improve quality of sleep which is what you're aiming to do with an AD for cfs. mirtaz's other epic side effect is tiredness and wanting to sleep for england. it massively antagonises histamine receptors hence the hunger and the tiredness - basically it has a similar effect to getting stoned brainwise. sorry for that long blah - i have cfs btw hence the scraps of knowledge.

welcome to the bus mrsm and soma have a lovely holiday if you're still reading

went to the cinema yesterday with ds. i'm not a big fan of the cinema and used to cope by having a mini bottle of wine in my handbag or something stronger! but i did it and no one died.

monday i was really, really triggered for some reason into a state of agitation and irritation and yukness that i KNOW would have been the precursor for downing large amounts of booze previously. it was the first time in a long while i've had it that bad. it passed off course and on a positive note i guess it wouldn't have passed if i had been drinking - instead i would have drunk on it and dragged it out and i'd probably be depressed and drinking and irritable and blah for the rest of the holidays. i 'think' that drinking meant i just exchanged one problem for another - or one 'feeling horrible' for another way of feeling horrible. dunno - thinking out loud really.

anyway i am still irritable - ds is actually driving. me. mad. but i'll survive. have managed to book him into a playscheme for friday and monday and a friend has offered to have him for a couple of hours tomorrow so that i can get to a daytime aa meeting. this is great as all of my family is on holiday so without help from friends i wouldn't get to any meetings and i do need to go to as it turns out school holidays are a major trigger for me - if i can't physically get time alone i seem to crave a way to buffer myself or put a border between myself and reality (e.g. booze). having reflected on this this is actually the biggest way my drinking impacted on ds - by my not really being 'there', always looking for a way to be 'absent' from the immediate and present and therefore him.

wow epically long post sorry! happy hump day everyone x

saf thanks for the info about mirtrazine - I'm getting very anxious about it, as after the first 10 days my symptoms are starting to return. I have to go back to the GPs soon, should I ask to switch to amitryptline?

I know what you mean about needing time alone and creating a 'buffer'. Kids are no respecter of space, are they?! Mine have got used to me doing a sudoku after work and sending out 'leave me in peace!' signals! As they get older and go to bed later, quiet time on our own becomes more and more precious...

Saf my dcs are teenagers now and pretty much look after themselves in the holidays. But they are both naturally quite quiet, even when they were little they could occupy themselves happily for half an hour or so. When my niece came to stay, wow, was she loud! And she did not stop talking from the moment she woke. She's a lovely girl, full of fun (and high pitched giggles ) but I have to admit it was a relief when she went home .

So, what I am trying to say is that your ds is old enough now to understand that sometimes he has to do something quietly, on his own, maybe even in his room, away from you just for half an hour. Do you think you could both come to some sort of arrangement. It's not neglect, it's not bad parenting, it's teaching your child consideration for others and that we all need a bit of space sometimes. Does he play with lego or other construction toys? They can get so absorbed that they are quiet when occupied.

Just some thoughts, hope you don't mind x

don't mind at all faire! he's really pretty good as young children go - it's me who has a more extreme need for solitude rather than him lacking ability to give space/play solo iyswim. it's partly the cfs and being a bit of an introvert in that i find it tiring being around others and get energy from being alone. when he's not at school i miss that totally alone time in which i recharge. glad i've managed to grab a place at playscheme for a couple of days.

i don't know alias - that's up to you obviously. the people i know who don't have depression and use ad's purely for the cfs have tended to be prescribed a very small dose e.g. 25mg of amyltriptylene (can't spell it sorry) to take at night. the theory is that the quality of sleep that people with cfs is poor and ad's at a very low dose can help that. taking a strong srni with a hefty side effect profile when you don't have clinical depression seems very counter intuitive to me. maybe have a bit of a read around and think and then chat to doctor about it.

why does the doc think you have cfs? is there a point where it started? mine developed after bad glandular fever in my teens. sorry - clogging up thread - feel free to pm x

Hello all, delurking again just to mention my mirtazapine experience to Joey.

It is one hell of an appetite stimulant, and I came off them very quick as I have a history of eating disorders, (I started eating compulsively and scarily within a space of 12 hours, without knowing at that time that they stimulate appetite). Why the GP thought this was a good AD for me I'll never know!

She prescribed them for me for depression combined with massive difficulties sleeping. (They certainly helped me sleep, but the increased appetite and the consequent feeling of being out of control was a complete no-no for me).

I haven't yet gone back to discuss another type, but I'd rather battle with my depression in the meantime then go back on them! I did some research on them after first taking them, and it turns out they were originally used by vets to stimulate appetites in dogs, cats and other pets!

I'm not saying at all that they may not be perfect for some, but they were far from perfect for me and just wanted to add my two penneth worth

Hope you get it sorted Joey and find the right ADs for you.

Thanks for that curious

I have anxiety not depression, so not too concerned about that aspect of it. Sleep is a problem... I am probably slightly overweight (no scales in house, so not sure!) and definitely have no need for an appetite stimulant.

Right now I wish I could have a drink to take away all these worries.

Joey, don't drink!!!

I caved last week after more than two months sober (following an elevated liver test). It resulted in basically a week-long binge, 1 or more often 2 bottles a night. Somehow I managed to pull myself back and have not drunk since Friday but jeez it's reminded me that I can't drink normally (Bottles are in recycling concealed in all-bran boxes )

A drink won't make the anxiety better. Won't make anything better actually, each time I relapse it reminds me that ain't that the truth!

So sorry you're suffering. I don't know about anxiety and ADs but if your current ones aren't working for you definitely go back to the GP and see what else you could try.

Have to go now but sending you a big hug x

Hi everyone

Thank you all very much for the warm welcome and yes you are right, the first post is the hardest. After I sent it I felt like I wanted to send another one explaining that I am not as bad as I sound and although yes I did do those things I am actually a really nice person other than that, etc, etc...

The shame is always with me but the worry of doing bad things again doesn't stop me from drinking, its madness when you think about it. If it makes you hate yourself then why the hell do we do it?

I look as far ahead as this time next year when we are going on a big family holiday and I am worrying in advance about losing control and saying and doing stupid things and having a hangover and spoiling the holiday. My god surely that is enough for an intelligent person to say no more.

I feel ok today but I am drinking a glass of wine at the moment. I had one yesterday with dinner and stopped at one, tonight I intend to do the same. I am however not fooled by this, I have many times in the past kidded myself that I was in control and it always ends in a binge after a short while.

There was a time many years ago when I didn't even touch alcohol, I was frightened of the hangover that I might get, my god, I am now an old hand at it.

Hope you are all doing well and feeling strong

What a lovely, honest and open post MrsM and I'm sure there will plenty of babes nodding their heads. Yep, I know what that's like. Have you ever tried AA?

Evening,

Good on you Kotinka day, 3 is a good one to get past.

MrsM I can well understand the shame and worry cycle. I feel guilty almost constantly- about things I have done or might do in the future, makes me sound a bit bonkers actually. No one on the bus is 'bad' and on one would think that of you!

This is such a good place to be, posting saw me through the wobbles yesterday. I don't think that I can manage to be sober forever,I'm struggling tonight, for instance, but I know that there is fantastic help and support here when needed.Don't think about next year at all

Actually, Soma is just off on a booze free holiday and she has a great post about that - might be you this time next year

Also, MrsM I can highly recommend reading JWN's first post that started it all. Just follow the links back (the first one is in the opening post at the top of the page).

Skippy how are you doing today?

Good evening everyone,
soma hope you have/are having a lovely holiday.
gugg congrats on resisting the call last night.
you are doing really well go girl.
koti sounds like you,ve got day 3 in the bag,
Well done you.Scoffing pizza better than quaffing a bottle of Pinot

Hey, rural ta v much.

I'm not doing so well tonight think day 6 might be as far as I can go in one stretch. Don't know yet.

Day 5? Fab news- keep going. 1st week on the bus.

Ds constantly sings -The wheels on the bus.. think I might replace some of those words for my own amusement: 1st week on the bus goes ...

I think it would be wah! wah! wah! (stamps feet, pulls hair out)

Good one faire

Perhaps by the 1st year on t'bus we go: Ommmm,Ommmm,Ommmmm.

Here's hoping.

Checking in.can't drink tonight as have to pick dd2 up from rehearsals later. Have courage babes

evening babes! not too brill here, have stinking cold with fever, just over 2 weeks till dds wedding, mucho stress (in-laws to be have not come up with promised cash, we have to find a couple more K why promise something you dont mean? makes for bad feeling which i am swallowing down for dds sake, fiance pretty damn hurt and embaressed too)

all new and struggling babes, hang on in there! it gets better!!

off to bed with a lem-sip!

L XXXXXXX

Fairenuff, I havent tried AA but have thought about it a lot, maybe one day eh?

Phew! Just about made it through this evening.

Ma courage is what is needed alright

jesus hope you feel better soon

night babes

MrsM there are a few babes who go and/or have gone and they have wonderful things to say about it. If you would like to give it a try just put a shout out on the bus and they will be able to reassure you. Or even if you're just curious, post whatever you want to ask and I'm sure someone will be able to answer.

Evening everyone,

I hope everyone is ok this evening.

I feel like I have had a very long day. I saw dh off at 7, and he is playing cricket tonight so won't be back in until late.

I finished a college assignment this morning and went to hand it in, then did the food shop, came home unpacked, had a bit of lunch, and went swimming at about 5. I really, dearly wanted a glass of wine then, but made myself cook some healthy dinner (fish and stir fried cabbage) . Even so I was still battling in my head until about an hour ago, and it's too late now isn't it?

It's when I'm on my own so long, despite doing lots of things, really missing Dc2, no work tomorrow, that it really hits, so I've come on here and then going to make hot chocolate or eat something else .

Sorry to barge in, having a wobbler!

Anyway, JWN I hope you feel better soon, if I can guess the wedding date from what you've said, it is an auspicious one, my Mum and Dads anniversary, and they have been married 56 years this year on that date!

Much love
xxxxx