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Original poster

Just had a screaming match with DF over DD

64 replies

WillowTheWitch · 22/07/2012 15:27

Went to pick DD up from parents after work and DF started on at me about something I haven't followed up on yet . Then went on about how it's a disgrace I don't make her do something he thinks I should .

So I said thats not his place it's up to me to decide Shes my daughter and if its my choice . He then said well if that's the case you can watch you own kid .

Well . I exploded . I screamed at him so if I need him to watch DD to go to work that means I have to do exactly as he says . That he needs to remember I'm an adult and she is my daughter and how I bring her up is my decision . I told him he was out of order and id be getting an apology before I would speak to him again .

I then took DD and went home . I'm now sitting in a crying mess wishing DH was in Sad

I'm sick of him constantly telling me what to do .

OP posts:
BedHog · 22/07/2012 15:36

I don't think anyone can really comment unless we know what type of behaviour your DF was complaining about. If you don't make her ask before taking food from the cupboard, or wear clothes in the street, or refrain from hitting people or swearing at strangers, then he has a point. But if it's more like he wants her to sit nicely at the table with a knife and fork in silence, then he's being a bit controlling.

I hope you manage to sort it out, whatever it is.

rubyslippers · 22/07/2012 15:37

What was the Issue?

susiedaisy · 22/07/2012 15:42

Can't offer any magical words of wisdom I'm afraid your df sounds very similar to mine, I am in my forties and he's is still telling me when I need to cut my grass, feed my kids etc etc however I do now tell him to be quiet or help out one or the other,he seems to accept that now but when I was younger he would just kick off! My df also seems to think if he has done me a favour such as babysat for a few hours that gives him the right to dictate to me, all I've been able to do all my life is stand my ground and try to remain calm as he likes a spat, and walk away when I feel like really losing my temper, trouble is my df seems to bring the worst out in me by just pressing a few buttons!!! I feel your frustration!! I find ignoring the pettiness and changing the subject sometimes works! But it is a tough one, what does your Dh say?

WidowWadman · 22/07/2012 15:50

If you want free childcare from your parents I guess you need to make some concessions. Screaming at your parents, who look after your children so you can go to work, which means that they're doing you a favour, is out of order - even if you disagree with their ideas on parenting.

Not knowing what it is he wants her to do and you don't it's impossible who's in the wrong anyway. But surely if it is something which winds him up and gets in the way of enjoying looking after your daughter then maybe it's worth having a look into how to come to a solution which leaves everyone happy.

Also, children usually can cope pretty well with the fact that different rules apply to different houses.

What is it the thing he wants her to do?

Original poster
WillowTheWitch · 22/07/2012 15:50

Didn't really want to say exactly incase it outs me but it was because I don't make her brush her teeth every single night .

I'm 6m pregnant as well and he will do things like if I'm at his for Sunday dinner and everyone is having dessert he will say willow shouldn't be having any or say willow should just be drinking water (as opposed to juice/tea) willow should be doing this willow shouldn't be doing that . I cannot take any more !!

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 22/07/2012 15:52

Sorry, I'm with your dad on that one. Pregnancy is no reason to let your child's dental hygiene slip. The food thing, yeah, it's up to you what you give her, but I s'pose if you don't make her brush teeth every day he kind of has a point being concerned about sugary and acidic stuff.

QuintessentialShadows · 22/07/2012 15:55

Is this a windup?

You are expecting a second child, you cant even follow up the care of the first, you rely on free childcare to work, you scream at your dad who is looking after your child for free, because he is taking an active interest in something really vital. Why are you neglecting your childs dental hygiene?

Seems to me you owe him a pretty big apology.

StuntGirl · 22/07/2012 15:57

The dad is telling the OP she can't have cake because she's pregnant widow not the daughter!

glastocat · 22/07/2012 15:57

I'm with your dad I'm afraid, teeth brushing should be non negotiable. And if they are providing free child care you need to be more grateful flexible.

Blu · 22/07/2012 16:00

Oh dear.
Did your DD hear this row?
Why doesn't she clean her teeth every night?

Original poster
WillowTheWitch · 22/07/2012 16:00

Not every day . Every night . She brushes them every morning but not every night . And the stuff about eating was about me not DD .

And the free childcare comments . DD goes there because they insist . I'm not ungrateful but if I didn't have them I wouldn't struggle .

And you think it's acceptable for a man to scream at his daughter infront of her daughter ??

OP posts:
yousankmybattleship · 22/07/2012 16:01

I'm sorry but he's right. There is no excuse for not getting your Daughter to brush her teetth every night. I think you owe him an apology. Maybe balme it on hormones even if that's not the case. Most older men are a bit scared of hormone talk to he'll probably just accept the apology so you'll stop talking about such things!

Thumbwitch · 22/07/2012 16:02

How old is she?
You should be cleaning your DD's teeth every night - the only times I miss DS's teeth-clean are when he's fallen asleep and I'd have to wake him to do it. Other than that, every night. DS's dentist told me that ideally I should continue to clean his teeth, or at least watch him, until he's 7 to make sure he does them - and since my own teeth weren't the best, and I was a lazy sod and didn't clean them properly when I was young, I'm quite happy to do his for him so he doesn't suffer like I did.

As for the rest - he should mind his own business when it comes to telling you what you can and can't eat etc.

Your Dad and you have both had a massive over-reaction to this, IMO - neither of you are wholly in the right - and you should probably both back down and apologise for getting overwrought.

QuintessentialShadows · 22/07/2012 16:03

YOU subjected your daughter to your explosion. You should not have exploded at him.

It is pretty neglectful insane to let food and bacteria fester in your daughters mouth throughout the entire night.

IslaValargeone · 22/07/2012 16:03

I'm in agreement with the others re toothbrushing.
If you are letting stuff go now, what's it going to be like once you have dc number 2?

susiedaisy · 22/07/2012 16:03

I still think your df behaviour is over bearing, but I agree with others teeth cleaning is very important your dd can't maintain the health of her teeth at the moment that's your job op!

diddl · 22/07/2012 16:05

I agree that she should be brushing her teeth every night.

His GD-his choice to offer free childcare or not.

HellonHeels · 22/07/2012 16:05

Can I ask why you are not ensuring your DD cleans her teeth? That is a very important habit to establish both for dental hygiene and for health in general. Your dad is right IMO to emphasise how important it is.

However, he has absolutely no business trying to control your own eating habits and food choices. Two separate issues I think.

TidyDancer · 22/07/2012 16:06

I'm with the majority, and your dad was right to say something. You should absolutely be cleaning your DCs teeth every morning and night and being pregnant is no excuse not to.

To answer your question, no I don't think it's acceptable for him to scream at you, but neither is it okay for you to do it.

You are both in the wrong, but the route of the wrong is you I'm afraid.

Original poster
WillowTheWitch · 22/07/2012 16:08

She doesn't brush them every night because DH and I both work shifts so sometimes she is asleep before we are both in or sometimes she falls asleep before she does it . It's like the 5 millionth thing he has shouted at me for regarding DDs upbringing and I just couldn't take any more . And I'm sick of him speaking to me like a child infront off DD . She has already said I'm telling grandpa on you to me . Shes 7 .

OP posts:
WhirlyByrd · 22/07/2012 16:08

Why is it such a big thing, OP? Does she complain? If so, tough, IMO. I'd rather put up with 2 minutes fussing than subject my child to the trauma of having rotten baby teeth removed. And what makes you think that brushing them in the morning makes it OK to leave them at night? She's been eating all day, so it's worse to leave them at night!

WhirlyByrd · 22/07/2012 16:10

So if she's asleep before you are both in, whose care is she in? And at 7 it's adult teeth she'll be ruining, so I'm afraid I'm with your DF on this one. Will he be going to the dental appts with her?

diddl · 22/07/2012 16:11

Then you choose a time & that´s when it´s done!

Why do you both have to be in?

Original poster
WillowTheWitch · 22/07/2012 16:13

I honestly think what he was saying to me is irrelevant it's the way he was saying it . I agree that she should brush them every night . However I don't think it warrants him shouting abuse at me like I'm a child .

OP posts:
Oogaballoo · 22/07/2012 16:13

If he shouts at you about how you raise your own child frequently and it's got to the point where your daughter sees her grandfather as someone who she can get to tell you off then maybe you should have some distance from him.