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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please please help me. H has gone.

65 replies

Memoo · 20/07/2012 18:07

H has gone. My decision, but rather sudden so I am in shock.

I have no money, no job and no idea what to do.

I need to claim benefits I think but what exactly do I do?

Please help me.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 20/07/2012 18:09

You will have to wait til Monday now. What have you got to get through the weekend?

Akermanis · 20/07/2012 18:12

Go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau first this Monday, they will give you excellent benefits advice

find your nearest one via the link www.citizensadvice.org.uk/index/getadvice

MarigoldsInTheWindow · 20/07/2012 18:14

oh memoo, I felt the same way.

Youl need jsa or is, ctc, hb and ctax reduction.

how are you?

HecateHarshPants · 20/07/2012 18:14

Yes, get through the weekend - do you have family/friends in rl who can come and spend some time with you or you can call in on or chat with over the phone? and then go to the CAB first thing on Monday.

Mama1980 · 20/07/2012 18:14

It's going to be ok not now and not right away but it will be. Have you enough to manage on over the weekend? Then first thing Monday head to the citizens advice bureau, they are great and will advise you in benefits etc.

Kernowgal · 20/07/2012 18:15

Have a look at www.turn2us.entitledto.co.uk/entitlementcalculator.aspx to find out what you are entitled to in terms of benefits. There is also a benefits adviser doo-dah on the directgov website: www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DoItOnlineByCategory/DG_172666. The benefits line is 0800 055 6688. The crisis loan line is 0800 032 7952 and there's lots of info here.

Hope this helps :)

ANTagony · 20/07/2012 18:17

try this.

If you wish to start looking for work you can sign on for job seekers allowance online link via the above - no need to wait till Monday. You do then get invited into the job center to complete the application but it's from the day you apply you should be back paid.

Original poster
Memoo · 20/07/2012 18:17

I did a big shop the other day so we are fine for food for a week or so.

I have no one in RL. Don't really feel like talking about it to people any way.

I don't know how I feel at thr moment. Just in shock. Trying to keep it together and carry on with the kids normal routine. Just gutted.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 20/07/2012 18:19

How old are they? You should be able to start job hunting straightaway! Good luck!

purplerainbow · 20/07/2012 18:24

i was in the same situation 2.5 years ago, through my ex h out, had enough of how he treated me i had a 1 year old and 3 year old at the time. After the event realization set in and thought how the hell will i survive as i was the same, not working as looking after the ds's! Anyway, cut along story short it WILL get easier and you will soon see you are alot stronger than you think. FWIW, i rang my council (so i could apply for housing benefit and council tax benefit) then ring tax credits and they will fill out all the necc info for you over the phone, they pay child tax credits VERY quickly IME and they do back date it. You obviously already receive child benefit. Also if he is your dc father then by law he has to pay child maintenance. If you ring the csa they are very lovely and helpful and will contact your ex h if you want to , There is also a calculator on their website (if you know ex h salary) to work out what he HAS to pay you by law.

Original poster
Memoo · 20/07/2012 18:31

My dc are 13, 11 and 2. H is father to my youngest.

My whole life has just crumbled. We have so many plans.

We haven't had a holiday for a few years but had booked a week in a caravan the week after next. The kids have been so excited but I won't be able to take them now as bastard h has the car.

My fucking god I'm so gutted. I don't think I can do this

OP posts:
JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 20/07/2012 18:33

Sorry you're feeling bad ATM Memoo - but what a heartening thread of wonderful advice from MN friends Smile We're all thinking of you x
Carrying on with DC's routines as much as poss seems a very good start Smile

Original poster
Memoo · 20/07/2012 18:35

What do I tell the kids? It will destroy them.

OP posts:
JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 20/07/2012 18:39

I don't suppose there's any way you could still go on caravan holiday ?
I know it's a smallish thing, but it could be good to have that break if at all possible ?

StealthPolarBear · 20/07/2012 18:40

oh (((Memoo)))
What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 20/07/2012 18:41

You are doing it for the best for the DC's and for you x

Mintyy · 20/07/2012 18:42

What rl help and support do you have Memoo?

Coconutty · 20/07/2012 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joanofarchitrave · 20/07/2012 18:48

If it's the kids missing their holiday you are worried about, do you think your h will take them?

Geordieminx · 20/07/2012 18:51

How far is caravan from your home? Is public transport an option? Would your h maybe give you a lift, for the sake of the kids? If you were near me, I would drive you.

Have you got enough money to last you a week or 2 until your benefits start to come through?

TheHappyHissy · 20/07/2012 18:58

Could you hire a bigger car? I think the holiday may help you to distract yourself for a while and be with the kids. I'm so sorry that this happened to you love.

Go to Direct.gov and get the benefits thing started, it takes a while to get it all up and running and you need to do that asap

sparkybabe · 20/07/2012 19:00

Where are you OP? I'd hate to think that your dc have been denied a holiday just becasue you can't get there...

izzyizin · 20/07/2012 19:06

Presumably your h has booked vacation time from work in which case he can drive you and the dc to the caravan site and collect you after your holiday. Maybe he can come visit during your stay?

If not, public transport should ensure you get there and back.

As your immediate problem is lack of cash, I would suggest you apply to your h to provide child support up front and in advance until such as time as you can sort out your financial affairs with the help of a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law.

As for what to tell the dc, tell them an edited version of the truth in an age-appropriate way and reassure them that although their dps have split up, you're not going anywhere, they'll still get to see their df, and that you both adore them.

StealthPolarBear · 20/07/2012 19:13

Memoo, I'm sorry, I ahve seen a few of your threads (had no advice so didnt post) and understand you're worried about your health. Is that part of the reason you've asked him to leave?
Please tell me if I'm speaking out of turn.

yellowraincoat · 20/07/2012 19:15

Is there something easy and not too stressful or expensive you could do this weekend to take your mind off?

Any National Trust or similar places near you that you could go to with the kids? Take a picnic maybe?

It will be a difficult weekend, but if you can get a couple of hours respite from your thoughts, it will help you a bit.

When I claimed benefits, it was actually fairly stress free. Had it sorted in a week or so.