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Relationships

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Original poster

I don't want to give ...........

26 replies

flipzsake · 15/07/2012 17:47

fellatio. I even dislike the word. So, am I really the only person who doesn't find this a pleasure? I am in a fairly new relationship and up until recently it's been fun and all very pleasant, and I knew this was coming I guess, it has been suggested that I might like to give and receive oral. I don't dislike receiving it but that is not fair. I've been single for a while. This guy is a decent character and treats me well. He's a good bit older than me, and I imagined he might be grateful or something. I hoped he wouldn't push his luck if that makes sense. Maybe I don't fancy him enough. Although I'm attracted enough to him to have sex, no complaints. So what now? just wait to be dumped. Wait for it to become something he feels resentful about? Is every other woman out there seriously giving blowjobs on a regular basis? Am I really the only one who'd rather clean the toilet? I know there was a thread a while ago where a woman was wondering whether or not to dump somebody because he was not well endowed. She said he was her soulmate. This man is not my soulmate, but he is a very nice guy and it has been nice to have had somebody to chat to, go out with, to eat, drink, go to the theatre, he's into same sport as I am as well. It will be a shame I think. What to do. What to do. Do any men just accept this?

OP posts:

Dprince · 15/07/2012 17:53

ok, I quite like giving it and receiving it :). However I know dh would want it if I didn't like doing it.
Yes some men will accept it, some won't. If he won't accept it, is he really worth bothering with.

Dprince · 15/07/2012 17:53

Dh wouldn't want it

likeatonneofbricks · 15/07/2012 17:54

believe it or not some men DO accept it if your sex life is good otherwise and he likes or loves you. And no, not every woman gives these out regularly, for many it's a chore but they do it for partner's sake (I assume if they want one back - or purely as they love their P and he really likes them). You could talk to him frankly and see how he is with that, if he seems 'grateful' he may well accept it.

picnicbasketcase · 15/07/2012 17:56

A man who would place that much importance upon one particular sex act is not worth the effort. And you may be jumping the gun a bit anyway unless it's already come up in conversation how lack of blowjobs would be a deal breaker for him.

Alurkatsoftplay · 15/07/2012 18:00

He might mind, he might not. Ask him?

Alurkatsoftplay · 15/07/2012 18:02

I don't think he is 'pushing his luck' in asking!

SaraBellumHertz · 15/07/2012 18:05

I can't imagine not giving in a relationship but equally I cannot imagine being with a man who minded if I didn't.

Talk to him now - his reaction will tell you all he needs to know.

SaraBellumHertz · 15/07/2012 18:05

Sorry tell you all you need to know.

Original poster

Flipzsake · 15/07/2012 18:07

He has said he wouldn't want me to do anything I didn't want to do. He won't push it, he won't bring it up again. he won't say or do anything to make me feel bad about it. But he also seemed surprised that I wasn't keen, which I find really puzzling. Is every other woman seriously 'keen' to give blowjobs. He was married for a while and has had a few partners since then. Were they all lining up to give blowjobs? I wonder, how unusual am I? I am not generally prudish. I enjoy sex. But I don't understand why anybody would enjoy giving oral sex. I could bring myself to do it I suppose 9and I have done in the past). What is it about it that you can enjoy? is it easier with some men than with others? I feel there is a kind of submissiveness about it that I really dislike. #also just it doesn't physically appeal.

OP posts:

hairytale · 15/07/2012 18:11

I don't think you are unusual. I don't think there are hoards of women kern to give fellatio. And I dont think it matters what anyone else is keen on.

If you're not keen then it shouldn't be a problem. No man that puts pressure on his woman to do stuff she doesn't want to is not worth the energy.

Alurkatsoftplay · 15/07/2012 18:24

Well then you have your answer. He is not that bothered.

It's hard to say if most women do or not. I did once ask DH if every woman he had slept with did. He said yes. But that's hardly scientific!

izzyizin · 15/07/2012 18:25

You don't have to get carpet burn down on your knees to give a guy a blow job and it isn't 'submissive' to engage in 69 while on top

Alternatively, save oral sex for high days and holidays or for when you particularly want to give/receive a treat.

Frankly, if you have to 'bring yourself' to perform a sexual act and you don't get any enjoyment from seeing your partner derive pleasure from what you're doing to him, you might as well take that or those item(s) off your sexual menu.

balia · 15/07/2012 18:32

I like doing it to DH more than I have any other bloke - because he is always scupulously clean, for one, and because he is, erm, a bit smaller than other lovers I've had, (whilst being magnificent in every other respect, obviously) in case he reads this over my shoulder at some point so I don't get that choking feeling.

You seem a bit over-worried about it?

Malificence · 15/07/2012 18:34

I don't find it in the least bit submissive, I find it an extemely powerful act to give such pleasure and really do enjoy it, however if I didn't feel that way I wouldn't do it.
Do you see a man giving a woman oral as a submissive act?

You say you can't understand why it's enjoyable ? Giving pleasure to someone you care about is enjoyable in itself and seeing / hearing / feeling their pleasure is a huge turn on for many people.

dublindee · 15/07/2012 18:35

I love giving BJ's to DH. It's a real buzz seeing him totally lose it because of something I'm doing and he really appreciates my efforts - so it can work to my advantage when he reciprocates .

Having said that, DH is very hygienic and we tend to groom the area regularly as well. If either were not the case I'd be more reluctant.

It also helps that I'm crazy about my DH, love him to bits and don't feel shy saying what I will/won't do in the bedroom or anywhere else

If he's ok with you not doing it then great, maybe you could explore other things together to "make up for it"!!!

GiserableMitt · 15/07/2012 18:36

I like giving a BJ which usually only happens when we're on holiday, so not very often at all if I'm in the mood but I have to say that doesn't happen very often so no OP, you're not alone in not thinking that giving head is the be-all-and-end-all.

likeatonneofbricks · 15/07/2012 18:38

OP, you ask why can anyone enjoy - some people get turned on by partner's pleasure really. Some find that it they aer in charge at that moment while partner getting helpless with pleasure (same very much with women receing oral sex). And do you think a man giving oral is also submissive? if it's mutual it's hardly submissive. Personally I never liked it apart from once with an extremely fit good looking Italian (some bodies just taste better than most, fact).

likeatonneofbricks · 15/07/2012 18:39

cross posts with Mailficence!

dublindee · 15/07/2012 18:40

Balia - just proves the old saying...

It's not the size of the spoon, but how well you stir!

missdeelite · 15/07/2012 18:52

OP I feel a bit degraded and is not a regular thing, in fact makes me feel a bit sick! I love sex too nor sure why I don't find it sexy! Don't mind it as foreplay but if taken the whole way...
I think for me it's to do with how I've heard men talk about it or seen it depicted that turns me off. I guess people just have different tastes, some people like to be spanked for example. Now that would just never work fore!!!!!

missdeelite · 15/07/2012 18:53

For me

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 15/07/2012 19:10

You're probably not the only person. Haven't read the thread yet. But for me it would have never occurred to me not to do it. I'm not a lover of swallowing but I do enjoy giving and receiving it as part of foreplay when in a relationship. In fact my orgasms are far far better with a bit of fellatio beforehand tbh. I wouldn't want to receive unless I gave actually, but that's just me perhaps. I do think I would become very unsatisfied in a relationship with someone who never did it though.

I need to put my son to bed who is careering around like a lunatic. So the above may make little sense.

mrscynical · 15/07/2012 20:28

"He's a good bit older than me, and I imagined he might be grateful or something. I hoped he wouldn't push his luck if that makes sense."

You seem to have 'selected' him as a person who will accept you not wanting to give him oral. Which is fine if he's ok with that but I think ultimately it indicates you not really fancying/liking him as much as you should.

I personally would not want to date someone because I feel they should be grateful to go out with me.

jadebond007 · 15/07/2012 20:45

I have known of both men and women who don't like doing it.

You don't have to do it, any more than you don't have to get into any positions you aren't comfortable in.

But personally I love it. Absolutely love it

Rachog · 15/07/2012 20:57

I never liked doing it and saw it as a chore until I met dp, he really enjoys it and knowing that I am having that effect on him makes me feel great. So much so that I regularly offer it up these days instead of doing it begrudgingly when asked.

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