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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

999 replies

JackieandJudy · 15/07/2012 15:39

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after. Sad

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 02/08/2012 01:07

J&J - I've only just seen your thread, I read all of your posts (but only a few replies) and I'm now sitting here crying with you. It's not fair is it :( I will be thinking of you all tomorrow and I hope the nurse was wrong... the last thing you need is more waiting around and it's not fair of them to say it needs to be done now, then mess you around for a month, it's just not. Hang in there lovely - we're all there with you x

Homebird8 · 02/08/2012 01:28

Sending you some nice crumbly cookies JandJ (goodness, I've turned into a feeder!). Those hospital biscuits can only be described as 'somewhat disappointing' but worth forcing down if you can. As for the tea, which always tastes of soup and is lukewarm at best... Yikes!

I wish you happy tea times at home en famille with wholesome cake and sandwiches of naice ham Smile

Oh, and a couple of those cocktails for you and DH when the sun goes down.

sadwidow28 · 02/08/2012 01:36

Bumpety bump.

I am hoping that you are getting some well-deserved sleep before the anxiety of tomorrow JandJ.

sadwidow28 · 02/08/2012 02:35

Bumpety bump again.

I think your thread is staying near the top now but I will check again in an hour.

More prayers being sent. Torch

Homebird8 · 02/08/2012 03:19

Hoping you've found a place to lay your head JandJ. With Sad's prayers and mine you'll keep your strength, the surgeons will find a slot and have great success, and you'll be able to plan again.

Sweet and sustaining dreams. Tomorrow is another day.

sadwidow28 · 02/08/2012 04:43

Bumpety bump,

More prayers coming your way.

Homebird8 · 02/08/2012 06:02

Good morning to all the early birds of the UK crowd. Hoping that some of you are up and can keep JandJ company through today.

izzyizin · 02/08/2012 06:27

At the time that I'm putting my fingers on the keyboard to add to your thread it's 4 minutes past the witching hour for me, and throughout yesterday and last night I was giving some consideration to appealing to one or two of the other more general boards for more thoughts and prayers for you and yours, JandJ.

But something, someone?, compelled me to take another look at all assembled here and I saw all of the old and new friends gathered here, and the new friends to come out of lurking, as being all you need as, Bette Midler sang, to be the wind beneath your wings.

We will lift you off the ground, honey. Believe it. As I told you at the beginning, this is your thread and it seems to me that what you've got here - what you have facilitated and enabled entirely through your action in reaching out in blind faith, blind hope, or by pure chance or in utter despair, is the means for a group of disparate strangers to be drawn together in a common cause, and that cause is the welfare and wellbeing you and your dh.

You've given us the opportunity to validate ourselves; to show that we can put aside the trials and tribulations of the everyday to join together in unity, a demonstration that like attracts like, and that the power of positive thinking is a force for good to be reckoned with and, on behalf of all of us, I thank you for that Thanks

In amongst the assorted and somewhat diverse thoughts for day that I've dispensed on your thread over the past couple of weeks are a couple of quotes from one of my distant relatives, or more properly a twig on the family tree distant relative through marriage way before my dgps' generation.

I was saving another of their gems for today but I'm now moved to flit around your thread with a virtual Dyson and hoover up all of the varied thoughts of the past couple of weeks, and put them here in one place so that you can choose any or all of them to be your mantra today and in the days to come - but please rest assured or discombobulated that my huge sack little book of memorable quotes, which I first began to compile when I realised the significance of said distant relative on the world stage, is by no means exhausted and this means that there will be more to come.

So here they are in all their Olympian glory:

Torch Anyone who doesn't believe in miracles is not a realist

Torch A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow

Torch It's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain

Torch Know your limitations and then defy them

Torch When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in a perfect position to pray

Torch Pressure makes diamonds

Torch Live with no excuses. Love with no regrets

Torch When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves

Torch Uncertainty is the only certainty there is and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security

Torch Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out

Torch Life lived for tomorrow will always be just a day from being realised

Torch There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle

Torch To believe a thing is impossible is to make it so

Torch When it is dark enough you can see the stars

Torch When everything seems to be against you remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it

Anyone who elects to cross stitch any/all of these pearls of wisdom on a sampler or cushion cover is a better woman than I am, Gunga Din. And if my trusty but virtual Dyson has omitted to release a quote or two, I hope that a mechanic one of you will persuade the machine to disgorge it.

In faith, love, and solidarity, we will prevail, JandJ.

foolonthehill · 02/08/2012 08:42

Dear JandJ,

we don't really expect you to be able to post just now, but be assured that there are so many people wishing you and yours well. Here on the hill we have remembered you in our prayers and will continue to do so.

may the Lord bless you and keep you, may He make His face to shine upon you and be merciful to you, may the lord turn his face towards you and give you peace.

Homebird8 · 02/08/2012 09:14

Oh, fool, I sang this for JandJ today. It's a blessing we sing on all important occasions and it always brings comfort and hope.

Still here for you JandJ.

MushroomSoup · 02/08/2012 09:15

I'm here too. Just read through and wanted to add my love, support and prayers.

natsmum100 · 02/08/2012 09:38

Together with all the friends on this thread and the many more like me who have been lurking this week, I send all good wishes and prayers to you and yours.

sadwidow28 · 02/08/2012 09:51

I am here again, wishing you all the blessings in the world. I will pray very hard today so that your DH comes through the operation successfully and recovers with as little trauma as possible. We are holding your hand as ever JandJ and we will keep you both in our thoughts to give you the strength you need to face such a difficult time.

LordOfThe5Rings · 02/08/2012 10:54

I am back here to give my thoughts to you at the moment. I hope your DP is absolutely fine. I have you in my hearts and thoughts at this difficult time. All the love and support from LOT5R and family here :) x

TheSilverPussycat · 02/08/2012 11:17

You are in my thoughts too. All love xxx

ForeverAutumnNow · 02/08/2012 11:20

I too have felt compelled to come out of "Lurkdom" to offer my love, support and prayers, to you and your family. I believe that the way your very brave DH, and your DC`s are handling everything, is undoubtedly down to your example of total love and devotion. I pray that you all find peace.

lazarusb · 02/08/2012 11:42

Back again to send my best thoughts and hope that your dh has been able to go to theatre today and not have this postponed again. You (apart from not eating) are still dealing with this horrendous level of stress with dignity and strength and that is to be admired.

Update on my dh which I hope will make you smile (after vasectomy last week) - he is now complaining about having to wear cycling shorts for a week as he has developed a fungal infection. I had to buy him some Canesten cream today! He sat on the settee last night looking like a sad sack saying 'I need you to look after me' very morosely Grin I don't what he wants me to do - I made the dinner! Methinks I should have gone to classes on how to be a good and sympathetic wife!

sadwidow28 · 02/08/2012 15:06

Bumpety bumping the thread for JandJ tonight.

Still praying and still thinking about you and DH.

Come on lurkers - please get those positive thoughts posted! Thank you.

howdoo · 02/08/2012 15:47

Well, if we're all delurking...

JandJ, you probably have no idea quite how many people are thinking of and rooting for you and your DH today - sending you love and support.

Any more news on what they are going to do today?

LalaDipsey · 02/08/2012 18:36

JandJ you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you could tangibly touch the love and support sent your way through the 'ether' and hope it helps keep your strength up x

Homebird8 · 02/08/2012 19:02

I don't know if we'll ever understand them lazarusb. They come over all 'little poorly voice' with a bit of nappy rash, and then, when there's real reason like JandJ's DH, out pop the 'putting others first - frog turns into a prince' instincts giving everyone the chance to stand in the streets cheering.

JandJ I'm cheering already for the lovely family you are. So glad you found your prince and am standing by waving the banner of hope for you all. I'll be with you all night again. Hold strong and know that we are all here sending all our love and support and hopes for everything you need. Torch

lazarusb · 02/08/2012 19:03

I hope all is ok with you J&J. Thought about you a lot today. I hope no news means that the op went ahead after all and you are spending some time with dh now.

LordOfThe5Rings · 02/08/2012 19:09

I hope Op went as well as it could. Thinking of you hugs x

MsPickle · 02/08/2012 19:55

Hoping you're all in recovery now and on the home straight. We're all still with you.

sadwidow28 · 02/08/2012 19:58

Dropping in to see if we had an update. I dod hope that things went well today.

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