I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

[JackieandJudy]

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after.

Great idea izzyizin. Can we offer names for the cocktail? I'm going with 'Hope on a Rope'

Sending you loads of holding-firm thoughts JandJ, but they're right, tears aren't a sin! When they escape, I hope they heal you enough to carry on. Thinking of you and you DH through Thursday and onwards.

Hi J and J - good to hear from you. Just a quick point - the vasectomy failing is NOT an option, thank you very much!

Glad you had a good weekend. Please don't think you are weak for crying and finding this so hard. Anyone in your position would be struggling with this, it's huge! Lots of us struggle with a lot less tbh and we don't feel bad about that! Pathetic is the very last word that could be used to describe you, not just at present but all the time I suspect.

I am certain that in the next day or so you and yours will rarely be away from the thoughts of a lot of people on MN, even if they are just lurking. If the power of positive thought can help, you have a lot on your side

Just take today and tomorrow hour by hour, try and eat a little if you can, half a banana or a small sandwich. Sending lots of love and best wishes your way x

Just found this thread and read it all!!

All the best for you and DH. Will be thinking of you.

hi JandJ best wishes and lots of love.

Thinking of you and your H today. Not long to go now, don't worry about being strong. Let yourself experience all the feelings you need to.

Bumpety bump in case JandJ needs to find her thread tonight.

It is looking like DH has been admitted today ready for the op tomorrow.

Hope so, preops need to be ready for the long haul in theatre.

Thinking of you all JandJ.

Thinking of you all

Thinking of you and yours JandJ xx

Hi all, quick post while dh dozes! Thanks again for the thoughts.

We rang hosp this morning as instructed to be told no beds, ring again at one. Did so and told to come on in. Didn't know whether to feel relieved or not, and seeing dh and dc say goodbye was awful, everyone very tearful. Got here at 3, but only admitted about forty mins ago. Dh asked the nurse what time he was going down tomorrow to be told "you're only here for tests".

God, i've never seen anyone so crestfallen. Any test you can name, he's had it in weeks leading up to original date of admission. So now waiting for doc to appear to find out what's happening. He's mighty upset and says its not fair to have put me and dc through all the angst of past few days and today's parting. I still haven't eaten since Sunday (mind you, could do with losing few pounds!) cos feel sick. I, too, will be gutted if this is put off again.

Apologies for staccato like style of posting, am posting live from the ward!

Oh, JandJ I am so horrified at what you're all going through. I know that in hospitals not everyone knows the ins and outs of your situation but when a family is in your position you'd think that messages might get passed on better between staff and to you. I do so hope the doctor appears soon and has some proper news. You are being so strong and your DH so thoughtful about you all when he's every right to be a bit selfish. What a family! You are truly amazing.

I hope you don't mind prayers. I can't help it. One of them is for a little appetite to squeeze in some food for you. Keep coming back. There are people all over the world behind you every step of the way. I'm in NZ and can be here all night for you if you need me. ( Work will just have to live with it)!

Don't worry too much about what a nurse have told you but feel free to raise hell with the doctors and with the hospital managers, honey.

Someone needs to feel the angst you've been living with since they summarily cancelled your dh's op last week.

How bloody annoying, I hope you get some sense out of somebody about the operation.

but having a bed is a good thing. Inpatient beds are hard to come by and this may be the teams way of securing DH a bed for the next operating list....dragging out the preop tests can make sure that you are in for the scheduled procedure.

it's a rubbish way of playing the system but sometimes needs must with a seriously stretched NHS

As fool has said, your dh has got a bed - and I'm sure there'd be no shortage of mumsnet volunteers to turn up with placards and occupy it until your h gets the op he needs.

Just say the word, and when you're talking to hospital managers mention investigative journalists and the tabloid press.

In fact, mention that you'll post your story on mumsnet where it will be picked up by a journalist and they may find that they're on the receving end of negative publicity.

Just being here as evening turns to night. Hope you've got some answers and that everyone is right about the bed being significicant.

JandJ, I will do the night shift with Homebird8

Call in here if you need to chat - I'll bump the thread every hour or so.

I will get my extra speshully Rosary beads out now and do a full decate. (I make no apologies for my faith because prayers can't harm you even if you yourself don't believe in the power of prayers. Take them as simply positive and loving thoughts.)

Just found and read this whole thread JandJ, you clearly have an amazing group of supportive hands to hold already but I wanted to give you an overnight bump if you need it.

Wishing you the news you want regarding the op and every luck in the world going forward. Miracles do happen, mine is sleeping like the proverbial in the next bedroom :)

Where's julienoshoes? She was so remarkable in her empathy at the beginning of this thread. I hope she and DH are okay.

I have done a whole Mystery of the Rosary so far (I did the Joyous one - I am saving the Miraculous Mystery for tomorrow night )

If there are any lurkers reading this thread - please post a good wish for JandJ. She needs all the support that we can muster.

Lurking briefly as came across this via another post. Sending love, luck and light. You are in my thoughts. M x

Hard at work and dropping in for a quick tea break. I'm brewing up, fancy one? And a biccie? There you go

Tea for me please ....milk and no sugar. Thank You!

Just read and wasnted to wish you all well. Hospitals can be so frustrating - sorr its not been straight forward.

Extra wishing you well this evening

Best wishes and very positive thoughts to you and yours JandJ.

I have been lurking on this thread as I didn't feel I had anything useful to add compared to the other wise posters but I want you to know there are probably many like me here on MN silently sending our thoughts to you and your family, not just when we read the thread but throughout the days and nights out here in 'the real world'.

Best wishes to you all from the silent contingent

OP Sincere best wishes to you all. x