I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

[JackieandJudy]

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after.

Today's thought is:

'When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on '

the tag team are out today so bumping this up before I go.

Off to tie the knot that will stop me slipping....don't nobody lend a pair of shears to those who would prefer us to fall!

Good morning JandJ and everyone else on this thread. I am reporting again for bumping duty and positive thoughts - just in time for 2nd August I see. I was delighted to see that your DH has a rescheduled date.

We had a fabulous time meandering up and down the canal, picking up friends as we went and giving them a day of stress-free fun on the water in glorious sunshine. LN (yes, that IS Little Nephew) had a great time and helped with steering and mooring. He feels rather grown up now. Mind you, there was one day when he fell asleep in Dunham and woke up in Stockton Heath. I think the excitement and fresh air really knocked him out because he slept for 13 hours that day!

I call him LN because he is my youngest nephew (12 years old). My eldest nephew is 45 years old and has a 10 yo daughter himself. That's the thing with big families, the generations almost overlap. LN's daddy died 5 years ago so I have always helped his DM with child-care so that she can work and also build a new life for herself. She got breast cancer 2 years ago (she is in remission now) so he can be a challenging child after everything he has faced in his young life.

We have had 9 fabulous days together (I took him home last night). His DM had a date weekend with a new boyfriend, then spent a day on the boat with us doing her art; then she worked for 3 days; met some friends on Friday for a meal and attended a wedding yesterday. So that's how LN ended up having an unexpected holiday with me.....and my Border Collie dog who LN adores.

I am glad your DF is okay after his fall. It is worrying when they live a distance away isn't it?

Who let izzy escape to a different time zone? I turn my back for a moment and off she jolly well flew! SO we now have thoughts for the evening..... well they are equally inspirational so I will let her off.

I'll log back in later today and see if you have updated us on how things are going. Enjoy today JandJ and do something really special.

sadwidow So glad you had a good week. Quite fancy canals myself but afraid I'd crash the boat! Your family have been through some horrendous times, it's great that you can support one another in the way you do

J&J - hope your weekend is going well and you are managing to relax a bit. Thinking of you a lot. I know it sounds stupid but dh had a vasectomy this week and I worried myself silly about that God help us if anything more serious happens...I admire you greatly. I think it's right that your dd goes on holiday as planned - it adds to the 'normality' IYSWIM? Rather than add emphasis to the seriousness... I hope that makes sense?

Izzy Sounds like you are having a fab time - enjoy!

just can't resist using to bump the thread as I can't find a more appropriate use in my posts.

JandJ hope there is plenty of light and laughter around you at the moment.

I've just caught up with this thread and am (once again) delighted at the humanity which is mumsnet at its best! I only joined this year and lurk much more than I post but thought an additional comment would help the bumping. jandj one of the things which has struck me is how good your family sound, each offering the support that they can to each other. I'm sure that the 2nd feels like an insurmountable hurdle at the moment, keep running and I hope you all make it safely over to the other side.

Izzy has helped me a lot tonight and shown me this thread.

Mumsnet is a fantastic, supportive network and I wanted to show my support in your situation and send you my love and thoughts xx

Bumping this for you JandJ and lurking with love.

Welcome back, sw, and I'm so pleased that you and dn plus canine pal had such an enjoyable holiday.

Your dh has had the snip, lazar? Well done that man - what a star!

Torches, fool? They'll come in handy for shining a little light in the darkness until the sun comes out again for JandJ.

How have you been JandJ? I hope you know that even when I'm we're rabbiting on, we don't lose sight of the fact that this your thread and we're here to support you as best we can.

So, Bloody Mary Soup of which I had a large bowlful at dinner...
Back in the day, but not quite as far back as Prohibition , many States prohibited the sale of alcohol on Sundays.

In some, mainly god-fearing southern, States this ban extended to the sale of alcohol as an accompaniment to restaurant meals hence the addition of liquor to dishes such as the humble bowl of tomato soup.

In summer tomatoes or to-may-toes are cheap and plentiful and easily made into soup which can be served iced. Alternatively, use canned or buy one of the reputable ready made brands whose cartons can be found in the chill section of most supermarkets.

Chill a carton or a tureen-full for 3-4 hours in the refrigerator. When serving place 2 ice cubes in the middle of each individual bowl of soup, pour 2 shot glasses of vodka over the cubes and add a dash of Worcestershire sauce, a sprinkling of celery salt, a dash of tabasco, and black pepper. Serve with a fresh celery stick and wedges of lemon or lime and keep the condiments to hand so that you/your guests can add more to suit their taste.

In the winter months I've been known to heat up the contents of a can of tomato soup (Lidl's beats most brands), omit the ice cubes, and add vodka etc, for a bowl of quick,warming, comfort.

Today's thought is:

'To believe a thing is impossible is to make it so'

< hops onboard >

It looks like there is plenty of room on this bus. My best, best wishes to you and yours, JandJ.

Hope all is well JandJ and your weekend was a welcome, happy break. We will all be here for the next few days so just pop back when you are ready.

Hello AF, nice to see you back, hope you had a lovely holiday.

Izzy - Yes, it took him a lot to do that but frees me from another 10 years of being responsible for contraception and him from having to use condoms instead!

Nice hols, thanks, laz

As the storm clouds approach the hill and I am tucked up safe I hope that the unexpected bronze for the chaps in the gymnastics will lift spirits with you JandJ and be the harbinger of good things to come for you both.

Night all

Whenever I'm out of light-polluted London I reacquaint myself with the night sky. Tonight I was gazing at the stars of the Teapot and it bought to mind a quote from one of the US's finest thinkers.

The thought for today is:

'When it is dark enough you can see the stars'

Hi JandJ, hoping you are having a fabulous day with DH and it isn't all packing bags for the big day. I assume you will be taking him into hospital tomorrow so we will all be around in case you wobble before/on the 2nd August.

I am still loving Izzy's thought for the day. I see different ones are popping up on other threads now. That's brilliant.

Today's thought was really poignant because 'seeing the stars' was one of the last things that my DH wanted to do. We had always been great campers and would often lie on a rug looking up at the stars in awe - and chatting. So one clear night, I hoisted him out of his bed in his PJs and spread a blanket on his wheelchair. I pushed him to a grassy area and had a friend grab the otherside of the blanket to lift him out and put him on the ground. We looked at the bright stars for half an hour and felt totally invincible and full of hope (don't ask me why). We pointed out the twinkly ones to each other and just had the greatest, calmest half hour we could ever have wished for. You see, the special things of the day don't have to cost money or a lot of effort. They can be so simple but help to make your heart sing.

Its nice to see AF join the JandJ Cheering Team. And anyone can come out of lurking to keep the thread bumped.

I'll check back later to see how JandJ is doing today. I am sending really positive thoughts and lots of prayers.

Hello J & J. I hope all is ok and you aren't struggling too much. Thinking of you and yours a lot. Told dh about you last night (hope that was ok) and started crying! Your courage is admirable.

I hope you have been immersed in washing all the dirty clothes today - that's what weekends away are all about after all!

Hi everyone, lovely to come back to my thread and see all of the old timers, plus lots of lovely new people. Am touched that so many of you are thinking of us, and taking the time out of your busy lives to post. Glad you're back safely sadwidow, your family must be so proud of you, it sounds as if you are strong and dependable and very caring. I hope lots of the caring comes back your way. I bet your LN and assorted friends had a whale of a time with their fab aunty. And your stargazing story is amazing, you are incredible.

izzy , am taking note of your cocktail recipes, as soon as dh is out of the woods, I will be hitting the off license for some vital ingredients. I'm slightly worried that you're spending your holiday taking care of us all, I hope you're being spoilt too.

lazarusb - well done to you and your dh, fun times ahead now! Although I do have a friend (an actual real friend, not a friend of a friend of a friend!) whose husband's vasectomy failed first time round. He was very proud of his superhuman sperm!

fool am envious that you have the energy to go out dancing! Hope you enjoyed.

We had a great weekend, dm had arranged a family bbq for Saturday with several relations we hadn't seen for a while. She had even arranged for df to come - she and df divorced, very hostiley (don't think that's a proper word!) many years ago - which was a great surprise. Lots of laughter and reminiscing. All was very jovial until we said goodbye on Sunday when she (dm) and I dissolved into tears.

And, lovely people, I'm sorry to say that despite your best efforts, which I couldn't be more thankful for, I am in a bit of a state. I hope so much I can come back here on Thursday evening and say all went well, but at the moment, I just can't envisage it. I feel sick and haven't eaten since Sunday, and am fighting tears permanently. Am doing my utmost to hide all from dh and dc, which means avoiding them a lot, but I'm being so pathetic. I've never been like this with all the things we've undergone in the past. I read everyone's wise words, and izzy's thoughts for the day and take a deep breath, and for about ten minutes I'm strong. Then I've dissolved again. In all honesty, I don't think I will be anything approaching normal until Thursday and possibly the weekend, is over.

I'll try and post tomorrow, but if not, will update you all as soon as I can. In the meantime, can I say again, how amazing all the support you've given has been, and how I'm sure I would have gone totally under without knowing you were all here. x

But you don't always have to be strong...sometimes all you can do is hang on to the cliff face with your finger nails and keep praying that all will be well.

Every time you manage to do one ordinary thing to keep you, DC and DH fed watered, clothed, together that is bravery and that is coping and that is enough.

The future is unknown, we just ask for enough strength to get through each moment. This is my prayer for you.

For your DH it is for the best possible outcome and the least possible trauma and the fastest possible recovery.

Good luck for tomorrow, OP.

Let us know how your partners op goes. Hope your trip away was pleasant :)

Thursday why did I think today was the 1st? bangs head.

I am hoping to hear good news on Thursday evening OP!

I've been on MN for about a year, and only ventured a bit of inane posting recently.
I found your thread tonight JandJ, and am slack-jawed and bowled over at your bravery and sensitivity and generosity.
Another one here hoping for the best news for your family this week.
Big hug to you, I will be thinking of you.
And I wish we had a [huge respect] emoticon which I would liberally plaster all over this thread to the posters who have shared themselves and their stories.

JandJ, it is okay to go into a bit of a melt-down you know. I found that I had the cleanest bathroom on the planet because that was my 'bolt-hole' when I felt the leaky eyes start. I would run into the bathroom and start cleaning it so that nobody knew I had had a wobbly moment.

Even if you don't get back here until Thursday night, we will keep up the good vibes, positive thoughts and tons of prayers for you, your DH and family.

Don't you worry about me, honey. I'm being thoroughly spoilt and it never ceases to amaze me how quickly I can become accustomed to not having to lift a finger

My pa is working on a very special cocktail recipe just for you and every alcoholic beverage we now partake of is prefaced by 'Here's to JandJ and hers - their continued good health' and will be until your dh is safely out of the woods.

The thought for today comes from another late great American:

'When everything seems to be against you remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it'

A good morning bump for JandJ in case she needs to find her thread later today (I am still assuming that her DH will be admitted today to prepare for tomorrow's op).

Great thought for the day again izzy.