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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

999 replies

JackieandJudy · 15/07/2012 15:39

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after. Sad

OP posts:
lazarusb · 17/09/2012 19:15

My goodness - he is one clever man! I am in awe!

skyebluesapphire · 17/09/2012 20:29

Glad that Dr Hero is still coming up trumps.

take care xx

ForeverAutumnNow · 17/09/2012 21:14

Wow, Im impressed with Dr Heros credentials. He`s even on You Tube!!

Sorry to hear about the scary episode with DH. This actually happened with my late hubby, during one of his hospital stays, due to a TIA. It didn`t last long, but was very distressing.

Good luck to DS1 at Uni. Its a long time since we saw our elder son off, but I still remember that gut wrenching feeling of loss, as if it were yesterday.......then suddenly he was back home, plus three weeks washing! When it was time for our younger son to go, I thought it would be easier....it wasnt! They had a great time though, and it set them on the right career path.

Still holding tightly to your hand.....Much love.

Doha · 17/09/2012 21:56

wow Dr Hero is indeed a hero!!!!!

So please to hear your latest update after such a traumatic time hopefully things are improving

x

springydaffs · 17/09/2012 23:53

Now look here sweetie: people want to give, it gives them (us) a focus! We all like giving and we all like working on a project together, so don't spoil it with any (false) guilt! Take it like a lady Grin

we heart you Dr WhatWasHisNameAgainHe'sOnTheOtherPage (I'll look it up). We just HEART you!

sorry to hear you've had a trying time but glad DH is through that horrid bout (phew). thanks for the update and thanks too for the essay - anything less and I'd feel cheated!

prayers a-plenty from this corner of the globe. X

ladyWordy · 18/09/2012 01:11

...and some peaceful thoughts from here, with a Brew for good measure :)

Donkeysdontridebicycles · 18/09/2012 01:37

Another late night message to send good wishes to JandJ and family and all those well wishers.

Homebird8 · 18/09/2012 03:36

So sorry to hear about your shock phone call from DH, J&J. That call in the car with everyone listening must have been heartstopping. I am so glad that his memory loss was temporary and that there are plans for him to come home soon. I hope that the line goes in without drama and I'm glad that it can finally happen. Does that mean the clotting and blood pressure issues are a bit better?

Funny isn't it that Dr Hero can speak Hindi, Farsi, Urdu, Arabic, Gujarati, Sindhi, Marathi and English but hasn't mastered Bedside yet? Still, I think I'll forgive him in the circumstances. He seems pretty damn good at surgery and hospital management wrangling.

I'm really looking forward to doing my square J&J so just think about how much pleasure you're bringing by being a focus. DS1 is going away on choir tour on Friday until Wednesday, and with DH cocked up with a broken foot I'll be looking for things to do with DS2 (7). Maybe it's the moment to teach him to sew!

Homebird8 · 18/09/2012 04:51

Didn't actually mean 'cocked up', I meant 'crocked up' but actually...

izzyizin · 18/09/2012 05:06

I'm immensely pleased to read that your dh appears to be on the road to recovery and I trust that the insertion of his new line was merely by way of a minor procedure that hasn't set him back in any way.

A certain surgeon appears to be the hero of the hour. His obvious skills with a needle have given sw's talented team a run for their money - and I'd put money on sw prevailing on Mr P to sew a patch for your quilt in his minimal spare time Grin

However, the true hero is undoubtedly your dh who's unfailing courage and determination is an inspiration which is matched only by your own - you do know that you're our heroine, don't you, JandJ? Smile

At this point I humbly offer belated apologies for my absence. I've been here in spirit but my person has been required elsewhere. It very much looks as if I'll be staying this side of the pond for another 10 days or so and my new provisional date of return to the UK is Sept 30, although my flight is not booked as yet.

On the subject of spirits, on Friday I invoked Kumugwe as planned. It may be of interest to lasa that this particular deity lives at the bottom of the sea and has been known to appear as an octupus - who happen to be creatures I'm fascinated by. I was particularly intrigued by Paul the Pyschic Octupus who rose to some prominence for his ability to pick winning football teams during some international competition or other - would it have been the World Cup?

Btw, when I mentioned previously that Kumugwe is the master of seals, I was referring to seals as per Mumat's tale of the Cornish coast rather than blobs of wax embossed with a seal.

My equine pal and I embarked on our very long trek at daybreak and shortly after mid-day, having done the necessary, I poured a Hope on a Rope from my trusty flask and flicked a soupcon of the nectar into his water container prior to facing east and making the customary toast. Before taking his first thirsty gulp, my very good friend threw his head back and whinied in what I have no doubt was the horsey equivalent of 'Here's to the very good health of you and yours, JandJ'.

By the time we returned home I was somewhat bow legged trail weary but I made a mental note to tell lasa to let her ds know that a Western saddle is far superior to the English version for long distance riding. Without mine, I suspect I'd be sleeping face down Smile

Of necessity this a brief Hmm note from me. I have lots more to impart in my next missive; powerful gods aplenty have been directed to your dh's bedside, JandJ, and more will be following. 'A god a day keeps the doctors at bay' has become my new motto Grin

It seems that there's a need to despatch a god or 10 2 to sort out teach consideration for others to a certain group of schoolboys Angry It shall be done, sw, and I hope to respond to your kind invitation re 'the other place' sometime tomorrow.

Looks like sw and Pa are destined to engage in some arm wrestling to determine who's paying for what, where, and when. In the interim, if anyone can't spare the time to make a patch and isn't able to donate to the quilter's chosen charity please pm me and Pa will discreetly pick up the tab as neither he nor I would want anyone who's contributed to JandJ's thread to be left out of the finished project.

In the hope that my next response will follow in a more timely fashion, I'm now departing with waves to everyone which are also serving to waft more glittery magical sparkles over one and all.

PS to Homebird; may we take it that you're referring to setting your dh up with needle, cotton, and a selection of offcuts of material while you go have fun out and about with ds2 Grin

PPS to fool; I came across a wonderful depiction of the fool sitting on the hill with the world at his feet and the sun and moon over his head. May I pass it to sw to see if her quilters can replicate it and add it to the quilt on your behalf?

Homebird8 · 18/09/2012 05:19

Actually Izzy, that's not such a bad idea. My DH is stuck to the sofa as his foot is just too painful and the NZ medical profession can't seem to work out it's broken when even I can see the break on the X-ray. He too has been with J&J every step of the way (ever hop of the way now!) so maybe, just maybe...

springydaffs · 18/09/2012 08:59

izzy! how EXOTIC are you ?! Shock [awe]

as for my square, I'm up to my neck at the mo so should be starting on it in Oct if that's ok sw?

HOpe DH is ok and stable today JandJ. I tend to pray to the one God tbh, who has all the bases covered, I find Grin . Maker of heaven and earth and all that... Smile

springydaffs · 18/09/2012 09:48

that Smile looked a bit smug, didn't it? apologies Blush

jellibelli · 18/09/2012 10:31

JandJ thank you for your update and I too hope that all went well yesterday with getting the new line in. It sounds like DH has been fighting hard, I hope all goes to plan with getting him home. I am also glad that DS has decided to go to University, although, I will be thinking of you, in a different way, when you drop him off and drive away. I think someone upthread said it will be no time at all until he is popping home for the weekend though. In any case I suspect that none of your children will ever 'leave' you, but just live under a different roof to you and DH.

I know you first posted in July in desperation and had no idea what reception you'd receive, but thank you for continuing to share your trial with all of us strangers, as others have already said (and I imagine you have shrugged it off in false modesty) but DH is an inspiring, amazing man and you have such grace in your strength, at this most awful of times. You are an impressive lady Grin, thank you again for allowing us into you life.

lazarusb · 18/09/2012 10:36

Hi Izzy. Thank you for introducing me to Kumugwe. My marine favourite is the much maligned and misunderstood shark. Beautiful creatures which humans are destroying at a horrifying rate. I will also pass on that info re:saddles to ds Smile

I am an atheist but I like all the spirituality on this thread. It's nice that we are all rubbing along together - I hope you can all put up with my non-believer self! I tend to put my faith in humanity and love, no matter how much it's tested, I see good people and good things around me all the time.

foolonthehill · 18/09/2012 13:03

would love the fool's patch to be as described Izzy.

JandJ always in our thoughts. The stars have been fabulous here and have been a part of the naming of blessings for you since this thread began. Perhaps some gifted quilter could add a few of the same on an indigo background for peace and harmony in your future. And a reminder of the infinite whilst we toil on with our earth bound lives..

sadwidow28 · 18/09/2012 16:25

waves to everyone which are also serving to waft more glittery magical sparkles over one and all.

Izzy said that - we have forgotten to do our glittery circle of love....................

That was a profound moment on our thread.

runs off to record that in the other place! I have some beautiful sequined dresses that I can dismember (I used to do sequence dancing with late-DH and my beautiful sequinned dresses have never had a purpose since!)

sadwidow28 · 18/09/2012 18:45

I wave to JandJ and hope that she will allow me to bow out of her thread for a few days. I have that black dog of depression trying to catch me - and I will do anything I can to avoid it.

I am usually good at warding off the black dog - I know my strategies, and one if them is that I must not become involved with the problems of others.

So I'll give myself dispensation and have a few days with my lovely Birder Collie and go to my holiday home... and I should be back here on Monday. I will be well and vigorated when I return.

Love and blessings to all on this thread.

foolonthehill · 18/09/2012 19:34

then we will save a few prayers and blessings for you SW as the black dog needs chasing down and returning to his stalking of the lanes of my current residence, Thus leaving you free of his presence and he can resume his usual job as the bringer of bad news and ill fortune.

skyebluesapphire · 18/09/2012 19:36

SW- wishing you all the best x

izzyizin · 18/09/2012 19:47

Given all of your exertions here and in 'the other place', plus your ministrations to your dm and ln, you've overdue a break sw, and don't give a thought to that black dog snapping at your heels - I'm sending a god St Francis of Assisi to take the creature for a very long walk and he won't be returning anytime soon.

While you're away enjoying much needed r&r with your constant canine pal we'll keep this thead illuminated with magic sparkles and fairy dust and we'll chatter on amongst ourselves until your return.

Have a wonderful time!

Homebird8 · 18/09/2012 20:06

SW, what amazing insight you have to know how to take care of you first. I'm sending you vigour and clarity and a big muddy puddle for that ol' black dog to splash in and come to its senses and leave you to be you. Save one of those sparkly dresses to twirl in though I'm sure the quilt will be wonderful with a few sparkles!

ForeverAutumnNow · 18/09/2012 20:53

Im holding onto J with my right hand. That leaves my left one for you SW. Hang on tightly, and together well chase the black dog away. Much love and many sparkles.

ladyWordy · 19/09/2012 01:02

Hoping the days ahead bring healing and comfort, for all who need it...

izzyizin · 19/09/2012 02:35

There are many shark deities in the Hawaiian pantheon, lasa. The chief shark god is Kamoho who is guardian of the islands and also rules over the shark-men who are the fishy equivalent of werewolves. These beings are greedy humans cursed by Kamoho to transform into sharks periodically and can be recognised by the large shark tattoos that Kamoho brands onto their backs.

Kamoho is brother to the fire goddess (she of the volcanoes) Pele and was the only relative to come to her aid when she sought to avoid marriage to Kamapua'a the boar god, but he couldn't prevent the ceremony taking place.

After all of Pele's efforts to resist, her union with Kamapua'a turned out to be a happy one and their son, Opelu, is the god of thieves and doctors Smile and is ancestor to the chiefs of the islands.

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