I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

[JackieandJudy]

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after.

Bless you - may well ask your dh's advice but only when he feels better! I hope the nurse can put your mind at rest.

As for Sainsbury's - clearly a message to internet shop for a while.
Love the sound of your ds He sounds very cute!
Great to hear you wrote a letter, hope it jolts someone's conscience.

Hi JandJ, I am glad to hear that you wrote a letter of complaint. The Auditors can be 'copied in' later if that is necessary.

I don't do big shopping now JandJ (do you remember my trolley debacle?) I have T supermarket bring it to my door now. I buy the dog's food on-line also.

Why would I want to get in the car, pick things off a shelf, unload from trolley to conveyer, put back in trolley, load into the boot of my car, struggle with 50,000 shopping bags into the kitchen, stack in cupboards?

Nah! I have a lovely T man who delivers to my back kitchen door for £4.99 - £5.99 (depends on the delivery day).

All the big supermarkets do it now JandJ so if you have a favourite, start shopping on line!

Online shopping also has the advantage that it tots up as you go so you know what you are spending and reduces those impulse buys (like doughnuts ).

JandJ you are the first person for a while to accuse me of being nice and kind and thoughtful?.

Sending love and prayers to your DH. He needs to be feeling as well as he can all the time. Hope the nurse has something positive to say and he perks up soon.

Adding a bushel of prayers from the US to those from NZ and all of the homegrown variety, JandJ, and I sincerely hope your dh is feeling better today.

The thought for the next 24 hours is:

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Good morning JandJ. I am hoping that your DH is feeling better today. I am sending love and prayers as ever - and an extra lot for an improvement in his health now so that he is able to face the operation when the time comes.

Take care and have a good day.

Good morning JandJ, I hope your DH is feeling a bit better today. I am thinking of you and your family.

I'm glad you've written to the Trust. Yes, I'm sure that this does happen to lots of people every day, but the point is that it shouldn't. It's not so much the cancellations as the lack of compassion and explanation/reassurance that makes me angry. At medical school these days we teach them all about how a patient is first and foremost a person, with a life to live, worries, loved ones etc and their medical condition is only a very small part of the whole. Unfortunately this attitude often gets lost as they get initiated into hospital culture. There are lots of reasons for this, but the outcome is that, sadly, some Drs only see the medical condition, not the person. Complaints are a way of raising awareness of this problem, which helps us to try to do something about it. Sorry for ranting!

Hope the cocktails are going down well!

I hope DH and you are feeling much better today.

Continued positive thoughts of light and love to you all from the silent hand holders.

It's my experience that hospital Doctors see cases where GPs see people. Maybe I've been unlucky with hospitals and lucky with GPs. However J and J, I hope your dh is felling a bit better today and you are ok.

I too am glad you've written to the Trust.

I know where you got that thought, izzy . It's easy...

Hi ladies, hope you've all had some sunshine to enjoy! Dh is fine, thank you, think he was just in need of his machine.

Merlot and lazarusb - you've hit the nail on the head, and worded it much more succinctly than I could have done. That's exactly how we were feeling, ie, that to them dh was no more than a hosital number - another rat in the laboratory sort of thing. I'm so glad to hear that they are trying to incorporate the kind of teaching in med school which encourages would-be docs to look upon patients as people, that is really good news and I hope it doesn't take too long to filter down into everyday hospital practice.

But - I have today received two emails, one from the PALS service manager, and one from the Business Efficiency Manager of the Trust, both apologising profusely for our treatment, and promising to investigate further and get back to us. And, best of all, the BE Manager said he had looked into the admissions date issue, had found no clinical reason why Dh should be admitted on 18th and has adjusted the date to the 19th. So good result - and thank you to all those who encouraged me to complain.

Picked dd up from the airport today and, apparently, just as we got into a lift, who should get out of it but Davina McColl. I say "apparently" since, as usual, I didn't spot her at all!

Great news JandJ (about admission being moved to 19th). Why should your DH spend 24 extra hours away from his family just to massage the figures!?

Now, you have done well. You have hit some nerves with your complaint. You are getting results already..... this is rare! You have had a result within the 3 days of the 'acknowledgement deadline'.

When we need someone to kick some butt in future, I think we will be calling on you!

There is a statutory process - but don't worry about it JandJ. I'll remind you as the time passes. You just focus on DH and the family for now. You are truly remarkable.

Excellent news about the date being moved back a day, at least someone is listening to you.

I came face to face with Jo Brand once in our local small supermarket (she was on holiday in the area). I just gaped stupidly at her while she moaned about her bloke taking too long to get the shopping, lol

Glad your DH is feeling a bit better and it's really good news that the hospital are not only listening but also acting. The 19th sounds much more sensible and the system is working a little bit for you as well as for them!

It is sunny here thank you and today I'm getting the smell of Spring in the air. Still very odd having the seasons upside down but with daffodils bobbing their heads I can't help but think of hope and newness of being. Sending loads of those things your way!

As one who found it a tad ironical curious that Mr L would imagine having no possessions while living in the Dakota with an entire apartment devoted to storing his/her fur coats, I hesitated about reproducing one of his contibutions here, Pussycat

It got through the net because it gave me some comfort yesterday when I didn't hear as promised for 4 hours from my dc that they were safely on their way home after attending the morning's athletics session at the olympic stadium. Sleep deprivation played tricks on my mind and caused me to imagine all sorts of horrors which resulted in me wondering what the hell I was doing here instead of being there. Ah well, such are the joys of parenthood.

That's much better news JandJ. I'm immensely relieved you fired a shot across their bows as it can be the only way to concentrate the minds of assholes bodies such as hospital trusts and other impersonal institutions. Hopefully, your dh will now be treated with the respect and consideration he deserves and the revised date for his op will be honoured.

I'm another advocate of online shopping too. I save my energy and my money buying while lolling, as it were. Doughnuts as an impulse buy, laza? On my shopping list they're way up the table of essential necessities along with Belgian chocs and Bolly

Buying armfuls of early Cornish daffodils gladdens my heart and cheers my house in the murky gloom of late January in the UK, Homebird, and you've inspired my choice for today's thought:

Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again

And I sincerely hope this is the end of your drought too, JandJ.

Morning JandJ, I am feeling all spring-like after reading Homebird's and Izzy's posts. And I simply love spring and the feeling of new life bursting forth.

I hope you and yours have a wonderful day.

J and J - good to hear your dh won't have to waste 24 hours hanging around in hospital when he doesn't need to. Nice to know someone reads complaints. I complained to PALS once but didn't even get an acknowledgement. I must have been having a 'soft' time because I didn't pursue it. Hopefully no more messing around for either of you now.

Homebird - I think your spring has been transmitted through my laptop because we have crocus in our garden!
Izzy - I have recently started running again after back problems and the weight loss & toning up is a bonus so doughnuts really are a treat for me at the moment!

So with friends coming over this evening, I've just sent DH on the Hope on a Rope run to the shops. He's taken both DSs so I've got a very uncommon moment to myself on a sunny Saturday.

The duck is nearly prepared to go into the oven with yummy roasted veg (it is still winter here after all!) and the Christmas pud that's been sitting in the fridge since November when I made it has come out to be warmed through later. The Kiwis have a great idea of a 'midwinter Christmas' which seemed daft until I realised that you can have friends around, prepare food with love, and have none of the frenetic 'must be ready in time' feel of the real thing.

So, since I seem to be the one to turn the tables with my upside down seasons, I am turning the clock back. From yesterday's spring to today's Christmas. I feel a bit like the vanquisher of the White Witch who declared it always winter and never Christmas.

All the love stirred into the pud, and all the Hope on a Rope to be sunk, and all the feeding bodies and souls which will be done today and this evening, will be done with the unseen guests of JandJ and her family (with an open invite to all her lovely supporters to join us too). A space in our hearts and at our table for you all.

Sounds as if you need a recipe for baked doughnuts laza. All the taste of the shop bought varieties on the lips but much kinder to the hips. There's lots of versions on the net but use the Recipe Index to take a look under Breads (Yeast) on www.melskitchencafe.com for one of the best.

Dinner sounds delicious, homebird. If you've got any pud left save it to crumble and mix into home-made vanilla ice cream for a summer treat.

Btw, a lot of the prep for cocktails can be done in advance. Citrus zest will keep for days in the fridge - wrap it in clingfilm - or freeze portions with the juice of the fruit in ice cube trays, put the frozen cubes in ziplock bags, and keep in the freezer until needed.

If you're lucky enough to have a glut of citrus fruits, the zest, juice, slices, and quarters can all be frozen as can the whole fruits - although they won't be fit for decoration. If you've got frozen whole fruits in your freezer, defrosting and zapping them in a microwave for 30-60 secs or so will enable you to extract more juice than from an unfrozen fruit.

You can also bottle sliced citrus fruit in bar simple syrup or in vodka. As the fruit in the jar is used reward yourself with a shot of the liquid or use it to mix up a cocktail of your own invention.

Once you've got into the swing of things you can knock out cocktails in little more time than it takes to Sway and if you're making more than 2 drinks use a bigger container to shake them in - anything with a lid will do.

Here's a lighthearted thought for today from one of America's most beloved humorists to cheer everyone's weekend:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow

Homebird, that sounds fantastic. I hope you all had a great time toasting the good health and fortune of JandJ and her family.

Izzy, and to think I had only got the knack of putting off until tomorrow. I must try to get the hang of deferring until the day after

JandJ, here's hoping that you and the family have a great weekend and sparkle in each other's company. May you have much laughter.

Izzy - thank you! Baked doughnuts, who knew?! I think you're becoming my new hero
Homebird - may I suggest that if you have leftover pud with ice cream a drizzle of Bailey's wouldn't go amiss either?

J and J - I hope you are enjoying some sunshine this weekend and dh is feeling better. Glad your dd's holiday went well. Your Davina story reminded me of 2 years ago when we were flying to France on a budget airline. The plane was held up for an hour because a handful of passengers boarded late. A family got on, followed 10 minutes later by a couple. The couple were complaining that they couldn't sit together. I had a seat next to me and there was a seat across the aisle too. The wife suggested they sit there, separated by the aisle. He said, quite confidently, that someone would move so they could sit together. I said that I wouldn't, but someone did a bit further up the plane. So off they went. My brother (in the aisle behind) asked me if I was always so hostile to celebrities. I shrugged and told him I didn't recognise them and if you are so rude as to hold up a plane and then complain you can't sit together, tough.

It was Gary Lineker....

Having done a significant amount of Hope on a Rope testing last night I would like to assure JandJ that Izzy's Pa has come up trumps with a recipe that is actually good for you. We went for the rum version, concocted in a large Tupperware drum as a shaker, and ended up showing each other tummy strengthening exercises all over the living room floor and threatening handstands. All that and not a hint of a sore head this morning. I have also initiated DSs into the art of zesting fruit (with only a small bit of added boy flesh for good measure) so preparing them for adult life in the process .

It is small things that happy family times and memories are made of, so once more I sign off hoping the JandJ family are making some of their own. P.S. the Apple Pie's went down well with the kids too!

Dropping in briefly with another thought from Mr Clemens for your delectation today:

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place

Keep your spirits up, JandJ, or follow Homebird's example and try to keep them down despite tummy strengthening exercises and threatened handstands

Can it be that my pa has acquired the gift of alchemy and turned base alcohol into the elixir of youthful energy? Or has he concocted another variation of La Vida Coco Loco?

Whatever your Pa has done Izzy, it is certainly bringing fun and happiness to several households! I suspect that visitors from your brunch last week will be initiating their friends into the pleasures of Hope on a Rope and toasting the good health of JandJ and her family. You will be able to spot anyone who has partaken from their very firm stomach muscles.

I hope that you are enjoying your weekend JandJ and that you are having some silliness in your lives like Homebird8. Wishing all the very best to your DH once more.

Just catching up and it seems everyone on the thread is drunk! very jealous
I will def get round to toasting your DH with some HoaR but in the meantime can you tell me what to do (simply!) with a bottle of orange liqueur I've inherited?!