I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

[JackieandJudy]

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after.

You sound spectacularly calm J and J - much admiration to you and your dh. I could only hope to be halfway as rational in similar circumstances! I'm glad your dc had a lovely birthday and hope your dd is having a good holiday. I'm one of those that believe everything happens for a reason but I'm struggling to reconcile your situation with that.

Anyway, enjoy the supermarket today - hope you are stocking up for cocktail recipes (wish my Dad was like Izzy's!).

Oh, I've got a spectacular addition to the Apple Pie - put it in the freezer and serve as ice cream! Sooooo good!

How's it going JandJ? Izzy's thoughts are so profound. Don't know how she does it under the influence of her Pa's hobby but I hope it helps anyway.

Good to hear about birthday parties and holidays and maybe some of Merlot's insights will ease your administrative burden. Her view of the GP as the good old (I know, less of the old!) Family Doctor is a delight and might well be one worth pursuing.

I don't happen to agree with lazarusb on one tiny point, though she otherwise talks great good sense. I don't think everything happens for a reason. I think really rubbish stuff happens for no reason at all, but what you are doing with it JandJ, and what your family is doing with it, it truly remarkable.

So sending loads of love to be with you through the day. I'll be back this evening.

Homebird8- there are a fair few of us GPs who still aspire to be 'good old family doctors', you can tell us apart because our clinics always run at least an hour late

I know Homebird - I've been through enough crap in my own life to wonder why I sometimes still think that! That's why I said I couldn't reconcile it in this situation (and quite a lot of others). I think I should just accept that it's total rubbish and shut up

Love the idea of the apple pie dessert though - maybe a good toffee sauce to go with it too?

Things don't happen for a reason, imho, but resourceful people find the positives (as well as accepting the negatives and doing what they can to ameliorate them).

Home is the fisherman, home from the sea, except the only thing we caught was the sun and lunch on Block Island. Not quite the whaling trip I'd envisaged but we did get to give a rousing rendition of the Fisherman's Song after a few Mudslides

We're expecting 20+ for brunch tomorrow (which is today for many) and verdicts will be canvassed on the ability of Hope on a Rope's makings to complement various hard liquors. Once the jury's in, all will be revealed.

In the meantime the thought for today is:

Do what you can with what you have where you are

You know, a very kind colleague brought me a present into work today, a huge box of lemons! and you know what I'm going to say, 'Make lemonade' right? Nope,'Find 150 friends and share a G&T together'!

Well JandJ, you've got your 150 friends, here for you. And as we've all tried the Apple Pie, and in anticipation of the Hope on a Rope, we'll settle with the G&T's (or the lemonade if you prefer) for now.

Wishing you a good day. In the oddest of circumstances, and in the midst of a box of lemons, there are good times.

Sounds like you live a busy life Izzy. 20 for brunch eh? Still it'll give us a good representative test for Hope on a Rope.

High five, SilverPC, couldn't agree more.

Merlot, thank heavens for FD's like you. I have had the pleasure of knowing some great ones. Would love to 'name and acclaim' but possibly not the place!

Lazarus, the toffee sauce sounds great, a bit like toffee apples, mmmm. I'd thought of brandy snap biscuits too. What a combo!

SadWidow, you know what? I think you should stay on your high horse. Champions make things happen and that sort of passion can be a bit short on supply sometimes.

Now, I know I'm in anger of hijacking, but we're living proof that the world is a many and varied place, and that it's still full of love whatever happens. A big NZ goodnight to JandJ and good morning to the Northern hemisphere.

A good morning bump from the Northern Hemisphere!

Leaves a wave for Izzy and Homebirds8 for later tonight. I think we are doing a remarkable job of linking up across the world to keep this thread vibrant for JandJ to visit when she wants to. It was good doing the 'night shift' with you at the weekend Homebirds8. I got a couple of blankies made for the rescued kitties in between my bumping of the thread.

Izzy, as ever, your thought for the day is really helpful. I can't wait for Hope on a Rope to be revealed.

JandJ, you sound very positive and calm so that is good. Don't worry if you can't hold it together ALL the time though. You know we are around with waterproof shoulders, soothing words and an abundance of understanding. Izzy will be on the thread with a handy cocktail or two when you need it.

Have a great day with DH today - and don't forget to do something special again.... just anything that is special to you and DH.

having no useful skills (like remembering really good quotes or mixing pertinently named cocktails or living through similar trials)) I will just say that you continue in my thoughts and prayers.

the sun is shining here today...hope it is where you are jandj

Hello again J and J. Hope you are ok and managing to relax a little, enjoy the sun (or rain) wherever you are. I meant what I said about offering desserts for your party too! Don't worry about organising it, when the time is right, it will happen (although I think we should all go and visit Izzy's folks - they sound fab!).

SW - hope things have settled down at your end.

Hi JandJ, been lurking more than posting recently - but I wanted to say I'm still thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way

And this is my 'goodnight bump' from the Northern Hemisphere!

Over to homebird8 (NZ) and Izzy (USA - drinking cocktails with her Pa)

Now come out of hiding all you other Southern Hemisphere lurkers. We don't bite - and JandJ needs lots of prayers, good wishes, positive vibes and little posts/messages on her thread to keep her going. Go on,,, you know you can say "Hello". If you can make cocktails then you are especially welcome on this thread

Hope you are having a good night's sleep JandJ. I check back in tomorrow morning.

Having spent 2 inebriated exhausting days, I had to retire early for a spot of genteel mumsnetting to get my brain back into gear

Brunch was a truly delicous feast spanning a number of hours and attended by more than 30 adults and a dozen or so minors. A fun time was had by all. As expected, the usual suspects band of diehards lasted through dinner and I've been constantly interrupted by the need to pour a few into cabs join my folks in bidding adieu to the lingerers. At last, the house is quiet - until those marimba rhythms ring out again in about 12 hours time.

Pa's concoction has been tested to the max with gin, vodka, bourbon, rye whisky, scotch whisky, white, golden, and dark rums, and I had mine with tequila.

What can I say, it works! And it worked to great acclaim. After pa had made 70 we gave up counting and in case you think we're mean hosts, everyone had free choice of what they wanted to drink from an extensive bar list of booze from around the world.

JandJ, you need to know that not one glass was downed before a toast was given to the very good health of you and yours. Many of our guests have gone home with the recipe and they are going to continue drinking to you and yours everytime they serve it up.

Okay, folks, all you have to do now is make up a jar of simple syrup and we can get this show on the road.

You need 2 parts sugar to 1 part water. Bring water to boil and pour the sugar into the water stirring constantly. As soon as the sugar has completely dissolved, remove pan from heat and let it cool and thicken before pouring it in a jar or bottle with a lid/cap. It keeps for months in the fridge - and even longer if you stir in a spoon of vodka before bottling.

Alternatively, for those who can't wait, make up some bar simple syrup by pouring equal parts of sugar and water into a lidded jar/bottle and shaking vigorously until the sugar is completely dissolved.

All done? Right, my next response will contain the goods...

Hope on a Rope for all:

Frost the rim of a highball (tall) glass by either dipping it in lightly beaten egg white and then into castor sugar, or by rubbing a cut lemon or orange around the rim and dipping or rolling it in castor sugar, and standing it in the fridge. NB you don't have to do this but it does make a glass look darn purty.

Get Dean Martin's Sway ready to play - pick a 3 minute version from the many on offer on youtube.

Half fill a cocktail shaker - or a large jar/jug with a lid - with ice.

Zest one lemon and one orange either directly into the shaker or onto a plate and then scrape the zest over the ice in the shaker. Add 6 mint leaves.

And then add:

45ml of your favourite hard liquor - gin, vodka, whisky, brandy, rum, etc.
20ml dry sherry - feel to use Bristol cream if that's all you've got to hand
15ml of simple syrup - if using bar simple syrup add 20 ml
20ml freshly squeezed lemon juice
20ml freshly squeezed orange juice
30 ml cranberry juice
and a further 100ml of orange juice which can be freshly squeezed or from a carton

Press play and shake to Sway with feeling! Swivel those hips rumba style and give your biceps a workout

After 3 minutes, you're done and it's time to strain the contents of the shaker into the eagerly waiting glass. If you've used a jug to shake, strain the contents into another jug before carefully pouring into the glass - you don't need to be quite so careful if you haven't frosted your glass.

Gentlly pour a generous slug of grenadine into the glass to give it the rosy glow of hope of a new morning sunrise.

Decorate with a mint spring and an orange or lemon slice, or fresh strawberry (cut a slit in the bottom of the fruit and perch it on the glass) or a couple of Maraschino cherries on a stick.

That's Hope on a Rope in a glass - hold on and get tight

For any minors in the party; omit the booze, shake all the other ingredients together over ice, place a scoop of vanilla or chocolate ice cream - or both! - into a glass and strain the contents over.

Btw, feel free to vary the quantities given - making cocktails should be as much fun as drinking them and if you fancy more of 1 ingredient and less of another, go for it. If you've used a very tall glass, top up with more orange juice or soda/ carbonated mineral water if necessary.

And now, the thought for the day is:

"Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you can go"

Sounds delicious Izzy - making a special trip to the shops now!

Hi JandJ, a bit of a chaotic day at work today but even if I wasn't posting overnight I was thinking of you and hoping that you had thought of a lovely something to do with DH. May I suggest a lovely thing might be to join the rest of us alcoholics in a Hope on a Rope? One for the whole family if you do the kid version.

Izzy, I've emailed DH (on the other side of the room) with the recipe and a request for mass production on Saturday evening. Friends are coming over and one is expecting his DM to have a quadruple bypass on Friday. Whilst we will be toasting JandJ, obviously, I'm sure you and your Pa will be happy to hear that someone else who needs a rope will be getting some too.

I know you all think it's a bit weird to email DH. He's within grinning distance but needs a memory jogger to get the shopping right! He's a dab hand with a cocktail but they usually don't quite make the glass stage and we go for the bendy straw each in the jug! Promise to sugar the glasses on Saturday though

Oh excellent Izzy - we now have your Pa's recipe for Hope on a Rope. I did my shopping when you last told us to 'get ready' so I'll be trying a tipple tonight to toast JandJ and family.

JandJ, I hope you and the family have a great day. I'll check in later to see if there is an update. In the meantime, enjoy those special moments together, laugh and have fun.

happily imagining scores of MNers lining up the glasses to toast you JandJ.

Here we are more into rattles and maracas than heady concoctions but will be thinking of you none-the-less.

much love

Cocktail sounds good. Haven't got any ingredients bar vodka though, lol.

Love the thoughts for the day.

Jandj - hope all is well with you.

Skye - I only had vodka too but wasn't honest enough to tell you all

Just back from an extra trip to the shop with my Border Collie.... I didn't have the gernadine to do the "Hope" bit. If a job is worth doing, it must be done well!

I have two frosted hi-ball glasses in the freezer now.

Have been on YouTube and found Dean Martin: Sway

It's only 2:50 so will have to shakey-shakey for 10 seconds extra to get Pa's recipe absolutely right!

My canine companion is loving all the practicing we are doing..... he is going under legs and bumpety bums like a good 'un. We have developed his "High Five" trick to be Mummy twizzling on knees ..... it looks like he is swirling me round!

JandJ - you need to get on this thread! We are starting the Hope on a Rope pre-operation party!

Oh blimey, you lot have me in tears again. Why are you all so nice and kind and thoughtful? Where have you all been all my life?!

izzy, I can't believe the lengths to which your lovely Pa has gone to mix drinks - and to rope in all your family friends as well. I'm sorry you didn't get to spot any whales and that Rog didn't get gold, but I hope the cocktails are helping to erase any disappointment!

It's so humbling to think there are people as widespread as NZ and USA thinking of me and mine and offering up thoughts and prayers. Homebird, I'll happily accept a lemon or two from you - I seem to have gone right off tea, and hot water and lemon has become my replacement! So thank you for that - your colleague sounds lovely. Lazarusb - I hope you're ds1's girlfriend is ok - dh has only done his year's legal conversion course to date, but if you want to risk asking anything, he loves a good problem to get his teeth into.

Merlot, thank you so much for your posts, interesting to get an insider (as it were) point of view. I didn't know about that website so thanks for pointing that out. I did have a look, and I did start posting our story. I got about three quarters way through and then I thought "What, actually, have I got to complain about - I bet this happens to loads of people every day", so I deleted it all.

I have, however, written to the Trust's complaints people (haven't copied in auditing authorities yet, sadwidow, but I will if don't hear anything satisfactory from complaints people), making a particular issue of the admissions date. I have no idea who the doctor dh saw on the evening of the 1st was - and he obviously had no idea who we were. I honestly think he was the only doctor wandering around who the ward staff could get their hands on. However, he did see one of the surgeons the following morning - and his "couldn't care less" attitude doesn't inspire confidence.

Anyway, all this fuss about admissions dates may be moot as dh is unfortunately not too well . Nothing too drastic at the moment, so not too worried, and tonight he has a scheduled visit from one of his dialysis nurses, so we'll see what she says. These sorts of situations I take in my stride as they are part of our everyday lives, it's the threat of horrid dangerous operations looming that throws me out of kilter - so once again, thank you to all you lovely people.

I went to Sainsbury's on Monday primarily to stock up on cocktail ingredients and had to abandon trolley half way through the shop as I felt really sick suddenly - that's the third week in a row something unpleasant has happened to me in there! Could there be a message in that somewhere for me?! Came home and went to bed for the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself - but ds3 soon took care of that when he told me I was beautiful, even "beautifuller" than the Queen Ant he saw in the garden the other day

Hope everyone's having a good week. x

good to hear from you jandj I am waving a temporary goodbye as have to go and sort out some RL things over the next few days. but just because I'm not posting doesn't mean that I am thinking of you any less.

Much love

can you get the shopping delivered? Just for your own health!!!

Hope you're ok fool and get everything sorted. Thanks for your thoughts and good luck.