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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can there be any innocent explanation for this?

85 replies

Shh2012 · 12/07/2012 23:15

Went round to see OH this evening. He picked me up so he knew I was going ot his place.His computer was on at his email screen and I noticed a subject line in his Inbox was a confirmation of a hotel . Booked in the name of 'Miss 'Initial Surname'. The booking reference code was also visible. (I didn't open his email. this was all visible right there on the screen). I memorised the booking code then went to the loo with my handbag and wrote it down.

Just got home and went on the hotel site (it's one of the very well known chain hotels) put the booking reference and name in and found the booking. It's booked in the name of Miss Initial Surname, for four days, Monday to Friday, and a family room has been booked. One adult and 2 kids. It's a hotel that's about 10 miles from where OH lives, quite close to his office. The contact phone number on the booking is my OH's mobile number
OH doesn't have kids. As far as I know he doesn't have anyone in his past with the initial of this woman.

Obviously I'm suspecting something really bad. But a few things don't add up. The fact that the booking is 4 days midweek. The fact that she's got two kids with her. Why did he book it in her name and not his?
Any ideas??...can this possibly be something innocent?..
What should I do? Confront him now or observe how he behaves during the days she's booked into this hotel?

OP posts:

Original poster

Shh2012 · 13/07/2012 16:57

No problem at all Scrabbley. OH has a normal job, but he's also a private landlord. He's putting a new kitchen in one of his properties that week. Because the tenant has two young DCs he offered to put her in a hotel for the four days while they do work. It's easier that way for the builders, and it's better for the tenant and her children.
He phoned me this afternoon to ask if I'd go with him tomorrow to pick out some tiles for the new kitchen.

OP posts:

Scrabbleyurt · 13/07/2012 17:17

Phew!

garlicbutter · 13/07/2012 23:26

Hurrah! :)
Hope it works out for you this time round, OP.

ImperialBlether · 14/07/2012 00:11

I think it's true that the Relationships board (whilst marvellous) can make anyone absolutely paranoid.

CinnabarRed · 14/07/2012 13:31

Your OH sounds like a lovely, kind, thoughtful landlord too. A man who is more generous than he needs to be (i.e. to his tenants) will be special in other aspects of his life too.

I do think you need to work through your own reaction. Both in terms of why you would immediately assume he has another family (which is, let's face it, a real leap!) and why you didn't feel able to raise it with him there and then.

Original poster

Shh2012 · 14/07/2012 13:35

garlic - I hope so too. I'm optimistic. It fell apart last time because I had a rather extreme mid-life crisis where I just wanted to get away from everything. Packed in my job that I'd been at for years and wanted a divorce. I was suffering from a terrible case of the Grass Is Greener syndrome. It's better this time around than it was before, because we've both learned a lot in the years we were apart.

Imperial thanks for the reassurance there. I find this board so supportive (mostly) but it definitely stirred up paranoia in me.

We went out for the tiles first thing this morning. I mentioned to him what I'd seen, and how I'd had a horrible sleepless night with allsorts going through my head. He put his arms round me and gave me a big hug and said 'Well I understand how it would make you wonder a bit, I would in the same circumstances but I really wish you'd asked me about it, I hate to think of you having a sleepless night over it' .

Thanks to all for your advice and support

OP posts:

lauratheexplorer · 14/07/2012 13:41

He sounds like a great man, OP!

ToryLovell · 14/07/2012 14:04

So glad that it was nothing to worry about, and that you have a caring man

fluffychops · 14/07/2012 14:16

That'll teach you for being so nosey!

Original poster

Shh2012 · 14/07/2012 15:09

Thanks tory and laura. Yes, he's great, and I'm not planning to lose him again!

OP posts:

MyinnergoddessisatLidl · 14/07/2012 15:40

I went a bit melty at your last post OP! He sounds great.

Perhaps lay off the boards for a bit!??

AlmostAHipster · 14/07/2012 15:53

Hooray! I love a happy ending :)

Original poster

Shh2012 · 14/07/2012 16:17

Lidl I've moved over to Style and Beauty for a while after looking at the hideous contents of my wardrobe, I realised I need their advice

Thanks Almost

OP posts:

Condover · 14/07/2012 16:27

OMG you're so right about these boards changing the way you think (whilst also being a huge support at times)

My first reaction was what's he after to be being so nice above and beyond what's required of him as a decent landlord? Which is not a reaction I'd have to someone in real life at all. He sounds like a lovely man and great news that you've been able to put things back together after your wobble - I came very close to being in the same situation.

Original poster

Shh2012 · 14/07/2012 16:31

I know what you mean Condover.
He does treat his tenants well, male and female, because he wants to keep the good ones. I know there are some horrid landlords out there but there are problematic tenants too, of which he's had more than his share. It's also quicker for the kitchen fitters to work in an empty property anyway.
My wobble lasted for a few years, I'm just bloody lucky to get another chance with him!

OP posts:

Abitwobblynow · 14/07/2012 22:38

Shh he sounds lovely!

What happened first time round if that's not too nosy?

Original poster

Shh2012 · 14/07/2012 23:30

Abitwobblynow ...What happened first time round is that I was depressed after my mum had died- my dad had died when I was in my 20's and I just felt robbed that I'd lost both parents before I was even 40....I seemed to go into what I can only call a midlife crisis where I just wanted to change my life completely. Actually it was more like running away from everything...so I left a job I loved, after 15 years working for the same company, with great perks etc. And I left my marriage because I thought there was something more exciting or whatever, elsewhere....I was wrong about the job and the relationship. It took 4 years after we were divorced for us to get back together.

OP posts:

Glitterkitten24 · 14/07/2012 23:38

Yay! It's so rare that threads here actually turn out to have a perfectly reasonable explanation, I'm so happy this one has! X

StealthPolarBear · 15/07/2012 16:40

OP, the only nagging doubt I had left was about well if it's his cousin Doris, wouldn't that come up in conversation. This was a business thing, he was handling it (ie didn't need your help or advice) and therefore there was no reason to involve you. I'm sure he will be thrilled to know I am completely satisfied :o
(oh and good to read about a nice landlord too - there was a thread on here very recently that made me think and at the reaction of many posters to the OP - I can only assume they too were dodgy landlords!)

Original poster

Shh2012 · 15/07/2012 17:21

LOL Stealth yes I'll tell him you're satisfied now.
But what you said was exactly what was bothering me on Thursday night when people were trying to help and suggesting it could be family etc. I kept thinking 'Why hasn't he mentioned it to me if that's the case?'. Then Friday he just said on the phone 'I'm redoing the kitchen at Acacia Avenue the week after next, can you help me pick some new tiles tomorrow morning?' and then it all clicked into place. I mentioned the tenant having two young DC and he said 'oh I've booked her into the Travelodge for the four days, better for the builders and for her, and may get it finished quicker'.
And as you say, exactly the case, it was business and when he first booked the hotel, there was no need for me to know.

OP posts:

Abitwobblynow · 15/07/2012 20:58

Wow, Shhh, what a story, I love it.

How was that 4 years? What did you find out about yourself? What did you learn?

Who got back in contact w who? How did you get back together, and did you apologise to him?

Original poster

Shh2012 · 15/07/2012 21:29

Abitwobblynow actually, after the initial euphoria of leaving both my job and my marriage, I was scared to death. I moved away to a different part of the country and didn't know anyone. I struggled with depression for about 18 months. Then I moved back to the area I'd lived with DH (who was by now exDH) and one day I had a big problem and I didn't know anyone who could help me with it except him. So I phoned him and asked for his help. He left work and came immediately. Then he asked me out to dinner at the weekend.We were both still single. Anyway, we were friends for about a year before we actually got back together. I apologised, yes of course, but the marriage hadn't been blissful or all my fault we split up. If I'd been in a better place mentally I'd have 'worked at it' instead of running away but he also admitted some responsibility in it falling apart and never put all the blame on me.
We are so much happier now and so much more adult in how we deal with communication. I'm not sure if we'll ever get married again but we are fully committed to one another...we just don't live under the same roof any longer.

OP posts:

Less · 16/07/2012 08:52

This is a lovely story (although I'm sure very painful at the time) and I'm glad DP turned out to be without reproach, but something is niggling at me.

How is it better to be cooped up with DC, without a kitchen, outdoor space, the children's things and away from their friends, than it is to be at home with limited access to the kitchen, but with the option of sending the DC down the road to play with friends? At least at home you can set up kettle, microwave, toaster and washing up bowl in another room, you have more than one room to live in and DC have all their toys and friends.

I know living in a house while building work is done is no fun, but living in a TL room with DC sounds like hell on earth IMO. Has it's place when you just need a bed for the night, but to live there, even for a few days....?

Original poster

Shh2012 · 16/07/2012 09:56

I can't answer that for you Less. You'd need to ask the tenant why she prefers to go to a Travelodge for a few days.
He doesn't force his tenants to leave their homes when major work is being done, but he does offer the choice. There may also be a possibility of finding some type of asbestos in the property too once the renovations start - the house is an ex council house built in the 1950's and it wouldn't be the first time it's been found in one of his properties.

If you're trying to put some doubt in my mind about his story, I'm afraid it won't wash. He bought his first BTL in 1990 just after we were married, and I've seen how he behaves as a landlord ever since then, up to when we lived apart during our divorce. Over the course of those 15+ years there were a couple of other tenants (male and female) who have moved into a hotel or B&B temporarily. I'd forgotten about that in my paranoid, hormonal panic on Thursday evening.
And if he was shagging a tenant, he can quite easily do it in her home, his own property, without moving her into the Travelodge for four days

OP posts:

Abitwobblynow · 16/07/2012 10:09

I believe Shhh. I don't think this man is going anywhere. He loves his exwife

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