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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can there be any innocent explanation for this?

85 replies

Shh2012 · 12/07/2012 23:15

Went round to see OH this evening. He picked me up so he knew I was going ot his place.His computer was on at his email screen and I noticed a subject line in his Inbox was a confirmation of a hotel . Booked in the name of 'Miss 'Initial Surname'. The booking reference code was also visible. (I didn't open his email. this was all visible right there on the screen). I memorised the booking code then went to the loo with my handbag and wrote it down.

Just got home and went on the hotel site (it's one of the very well known chain hotels) put the booking reference and name in and found the booking. It's booked in the name of Miss Initial Surname, for four days, Monday to Friday, and a family room has been booked. One adult and 2 kids. It's a hotel that's about 10 miles from where OH lives, quite close to his office. The contact phone number on the booking is my OH's mobile number
OH doesn't have kids. As far as I know he doesn't have anyone in his past with the initial of this woman.

Obviously I'm suspecting something really bad. But a few things don't add up. The fact that the booking is 4 days midweek. The fact that she's got two kids with her. Why did he book it in her name and not his?
Any ideas??...can this possibly be something innocent?..
What should I do? Confront him now or observe how he behaves during the days she's booked into this hotel?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 13/07/2012 00:12

how long have you known him? has he lived in the area long?

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 13/07/2012 00:20

It's probably completely above board, booking for a friend or something.

I assume you'll be seeing him during these 4 days - will you be staying over at his, or spending the evenings over there? If there is anything untoward I'm sure you'll see a difference in him during that time.

I hope it's nothing.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/07/2012 00:24

" the one person I thought I could trust"
So does this mean your trust has been abused in the past? It's a pity you didn't just ask at the time, but I'd go with suzikettles' suggestion of just asking.

gingerchick · 13/07/2012 00:38

Sounds like a work thing to me and I am the most suspicious reson on the planet manwise

AltruisticEnigma · 13/07/2012 00:45

Ask him. If it's eating you up, ask him. Don't lose sleep over something that perhaps can be resolved.

maybe best to tomorrow

Talk to him about it tomorrow, when he's awake.

Inadeeptrance · 13/07/2012 00:46

I think there would be other signs if it was anything dodgy tbh. The fact that he didn't hide it from you is a good sign.

Just come out with it and ask him! I def would! (after stewing on it for a while and prob asking MN)

ImperialBlether · 13/07/2012 01:15

Hmmm. Well done you for having the foresight to write down the hotel code! Is the booking for this Monday? I'd be tempted to say nothing but keep a really close eye on him then. How often do you see him? Do you ever phone him at work?

Original poster

Shh2012 · 13/07/2012 01:22

Thanks everyone.
Imperial the hotel booking is for the week after next. I see him nearly every day, and yes I phone him at work. Not every day but on average twice a week.

OP posts:

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 13/07/2012 01:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justsofedup · 13/07/2012 01:40

Ask him to do something specific with you on one of days he booked the hotel for.

Tell him you booked a table somewhere nice for instance.

See how he reacts. If he seems fine then its probably nothing and then mention what you saw in a cool way. If he goes all cagey and flustered at the suggestion of doing something on one of tbe days then worry.

You could ask him outright -but then if it is dodgy he will only cover his tracks.

AnnaMosity · 13/07/2012 02:44

Dud he mention going away during that time?9

chipsandmushypeas · 13/07/2012 07:25

Agree with suzi you should've asked at the time. Call him this morning and ask! We won't know the answer and you'll drive yourself mad.

oldwomaninashoe · 13/07/2012 08:49

It could be a family member or friend that is visting so he booked a hotel for them fairly near.
Do you honestly think anything untoward is going to go on win a room with two children in it.

I think that there is probably an innocent explanation which he hasn't told you about because it isn't a big deal.

Original poster

Shh2012 · 13/07/2012 09:30

Oh gosh I seem to have upset a few people! I didn't ask him at the time because I wasn't thinking straight. I was just shocked.
And I don't read shitty novels - but I do spend a lot of time at MN .

I'm not so worried that he's simply shagging somebody else. It's important to keep this in context. We were together for 15 years. Then we split up. Then we got back together a few years later. I am worried that he has a 'secret' family. Perhaps he did have an affair when we were together the first time and has DCs from that relationship that I don't know about ? Maybe they and their mum live away in a different part of the country. The week after next is the first week of school hols in some areas so maybe she's bringing them up to see him? Our relationship is serious and as far as I'm aware we're both committed to a future together. If hes got DCs I dont know about, then I think that's a pretty huge deceit.

I'm sorry I've upset a few of you by handling this wrong, as I said my head was all over the place and all I could think was to get the booking details written down and remembered so I could check it out myself when I got home.

I'll be with him most of this weekend so I'll try to broach this then. Or I may wait to see if he acts differently during the time she's here....Someone asked if he's mentioned going away during that week. He hasnt.

OP posts:

Housespouse · 13/07/2012 09:44

It sounds innocent to me. Perhaps his sister is spending the first week of school hols in your town? Are you near any tourist attractions? As you say, he knew you were coming round and didn't hide it. You have no other reason to mistrust him. Don't worry about things that haven't happened!

ImperialBlether · 13/07/2012 09:45

Look, don't you think they'd be staying with him if they were his children? And, more importantly, don't you think she would've told him if she'd had two children by him and then he would've told you?

I don't know what's going on, but I don't think those are his children.

Dying to know what is happening, though!

What about a sister? Sister in law? Cousin?

cestlavielife · 13/07/2012 12:03

just ask him

TheHappyHissy · 13/07/2012 12:09

I think you have got the wrong end of a stick here. Does he have a sister, cousin?

Relax. If there has been deceit here, it has been perpetrated already. All you can do is manage YOUR reaction.

IF the worst happens, you will survive, you will grow stronger and you will learn.

Don't fear what you don't know, if everything else points to his behaviour being normal then he is probably not up to anything.

StealthPolarBear · 13/07/2012 12:14

please just ask him
"I saw something which I initially assumed was innocent but it has been bugging me..."

Plenty of people saying if he had children he would have told you. But on the other side, if youve made plans for those days and he has his cousin Doris and her children in town, wouldn't he have mentioned it then? All meeting up together?

MissFaversam · 13/07/2012 12:17

How long have you been back together? You were with him for a long time previously so you should know him quite well. What would make you think he could have had other kids etc. have you seen anything else?

Losingitall · 13/07/2012 12:40

Google her name or search for her name on facebook if you can't face asking him.

BUT

I'd ask him first.

Original poster

Shh2012 · 13/07/2012 16:04

God I feel like such a grade A idiot...
It's all legit. I didn't even have to ask him about it, it's just come up in a conversation just now.

Now I'm just worried exactly why this set up such a reaction in me. I absolutely trust this man. Always have done. I don't know why but this seemed to trigger something in me...I know there's been loads of threads about affairs etc on MN this past few months maybe I'm spending too much time here like I said earlier.

Anyway thanks for all your help.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 13/07/2012 16:11

Glad it was nothing :)

Original poster

Shh2012 · 13/07/2012 16:13

Thanks Stealth.
It was driving me mad trying to get to the bottom of this and if I was going to ask him about I wanted to do it in person not on the phone. So would have had to wait till tonight. I'd already ruled out that it was a family member, I know all his family - we were married for 15 years the first time we were together.

OP posts:

Scrabbleyurt · 13/07/2012 16:48

Do you mind me asking what the explanation was? Very curious (nosy?). I think reading mumsnet can make you a bit paranoid sometimes, when you read threads about previously trustworthy partners deceiving their partners.

I'm so glad it was nothing to worry about!

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