Ok so I had "the conversation" with DH...now please keep me on track

[bertiebassett]

A bit of background:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1484718-DH-doesnt-like-me-keeping-a-journal

So I had "the conversation" with DH tonight. I told him it was over. I want us to separate.

He`s fighting it. Trying to persuade me to give him another chance...more time...

I feel surprisingly calm

The apologies he gave and the promises he made tonight are exactly the same as the ones he came out with 4 months ago.

It seems like he didn't think the last time was his last chance...I thought my letter was fairly clear...

In fact, reading it back, it sounds quite brutal doesn't it?

I was just trying to be really straightforward so there wouldn't be any chance of a misunderstanding!

why are you still giving this twat the time of day ?

he had his chances, many of them

he blew it

end of story

You made it clear to him and he did not listen. He thinks that he will always have another chance. Be strong - you gave him his last chance and he blew it. His issues do not need to define your life.

Bertie, it wasn't brutal; it was honest, straightforward and clear.

If he had been listening to you we'd have understood what was expected of him (if he wanted to work on things).

You've been so patient, and have given him plenty of opportunities to change. He hasn't and I don't think he will.

gauchita he tried to change my mind.

I had to say it again and again that it was too late, he had had his last chance.

I hope he's finally got the message.

Straightforward as always anyfucker

Just remember you don't need his permission to end things, most break ups are not mutually agreed and are decided by one person, sometimes it's the way things have to be

You don't need him to agree with you, you can just say that you don't want to keep trying, that is a good enough reason

Do you think he got it? Did he look as if he had "got" it?
How did the conversation finish?

sometimes it really is cut and dried, OP

he won't change

you would be flogging a dead horse to hope for it

cut him loose, and mean it this time

There you are then, as AF, Tiagoand Gauchita have said, he's had his last chance and he blew it.
Everything was clearly stated in your letter, those were your conditions for him to respect or ignore. 4 months ago.
Clearly n.1 is the major one, and for starters he couldn't be bothered with it, which speaks volumes.
Why n. 4 though? Or is his work the only thing he talks to you about?

AF "flogging a dead horse" please be there for me when it's my turn to dismount!

Idreamof, you can bet on it

Already feel stronger, having you on my side AF

I was thinking.....wondering really...what it was that triggered me into saying it last night.

I'd like to write it down here incase I need to look back at it sometime...

1. He didn't want me to go out Wednesday night. Made a big fuss even though I hadn't been on a night out for months...and he always says I don't go out enough

2. Wednesday night DS woke up 3 times (he's been a bit poorly) and H was "on duty". H blamed me for DS waking. He complained about DS (and me) in front of DS. He also dragged DS out of bed and put him on "quiet" step as soon as his (H's) alarm went off

3. Thursday night H said DS was ignoring him. This also was my fault...because I have been criticised into the ground for years and therefore apparently ignore him too. This also was said in front of DS.

DS then said (when H had left room) "I don't like daddy"

You obviously want to stay with him else you wouldn't be engaging with him.

That's a shame.

Idreamof you ok ?

do you have your own thread ?

start one if you haven't, MN will support you

OP, why are you putting your children through this shit ?

no man is worth that

AF the phrase "flogging a dead horse" did actually come to mind when I was explaining for the umpteenth time why I didn't want to keep our relationship going!

gauchita he was upset at the end. He started off disbelieving and then was a bit defensive/angry. Then apologetic and professing undying love. Then threatening to harm himself. Then attempting to make me feel guilty.
But most of it was all about how it was going to affect him...which says it all really doesn't it?

Bertie, if you think of the practical side of things, would you be able to leave? ( at him saying he won't leave and putting you in the position of having to move with a DC)

Would you be able to move?

I don't know much about this, but I'm sure other MNtters have experience in the legal side of things and will be able to advise better.

idreamof his work has been a huge issue for many years. I was simply sick of hearing about it.

Seeing the abuse is not just for us and how it also affects the children is quite an eye opener...

when he starts threatening to harm himself, simply dial 999, hand over the phone and tell him to explain himself to the professionals

gauchita he said he wouldn't move out last night when (it seems) he didn't think I was serious. I do think (hope) now that he would be more reasonable...but I'm aware that there is the possibility that things could change and become nasty.

However i am prepared. I have RL friends to go at short notice to if needed...I'm going to sort out my own car on Monday...I have complete control of finances because he never wanted any responsibility and saw solicitor 4 months ago to get advice.

Onwards and upwards.

Your life is going to be so much better without him dragging you down