His fist line of defense...

[NarcolepsyQueen]

Is attack. I really need some perspective please. I am 14 weeks pregnant, and also still BF my 13 month old son - so perhaps my hormones are all over the place. I feel as though I can never criticise my DP, as he explodes. We can't have a sensible conversation about how either of us is feeling as he just gets so nasty and attacks verbally. He popped out to the garage earlier to buy some milk, but was gone over an hour. When he got back he explained why, and I said he 'could be a bit thoughtless sometimes' as I was getting worried. In return I received a volley of how ungrateful I am for all that he does, that if he isn't good enough I should 'fuck right off and fucking move out' etc. I've come to sleep in the spare room. He will now sulk for DAYS and not speak to me. He is likely to then just carry on as if nothing has been said. I feel vulnerable as I am pregnant. How can I handle this better please?

Hi NQ - maybe this isn't helpful but you do realise the email he sent you during your email 'dialogue' was all about him? His feelings. How his life is affected. You are pregnant with a year old child and on crutches.

I agree with others about implementing boundaries but I also second HotDAMN - how long will you put up with desperately trying to make him be a decent human being?

My attitude to these men has changed so much over the years...my best friend is married to one. Can't take criticism, on the attack, all me me me. I wish to God I'd been more honest and forthright with her 20 years ago. I saw red flags before I knew what red flags were (BM - Before Mumsnet!). She is still with him, still justifying his behaviour, still telling me she's in control, she doesn't take his shit anymore. She does. It's just an ever-shifting dance with him leading.

Hi ladyWordy, thanks for your reply! Thanks for the link- I had a quick look. I'm not sure DH is verbally abusive as such- but he is defensive and not what I would call emotionally mature. How do you tell the difference iyswim?

that's OK oaktreeroot :) Abuse is such a strong word that most of us reject it when we hear it. I would stick with 'defensive' if that feels right for you at the moment.

IMHO sometimes the only clue you've got that something is wrong, is the feeling of exhaustion. You can't pin it down, but you might feel quite depleted, upset or confused after talking to someone, without really knowing why. Or you might find yourself rehearsing what you say to them, or modifying comments so as not to cause a problem.

It may not be abuse in the extreme sense; but if you often feel bad in one person's company - something, somewhere, is wrong.