not sure what to think

[bleepfuckingbleep]

I have namechanged for this. Sorry if this is long but don't want to drip feed.

DH works in the entertainment industry and works away about 3 weekends in 4 a month. He is 'friends' with a woman on Twitter who is a bit of a 'climber' in the field of entertainment DH works in. This is how I came to know about her.

DH regularly bumps into her at events. I know for a fact that he has used his position to get her onto VIP lists at events. I know this because I read his email out of extreme nosiness and curiosity (and maybe a bit of paranoia too). I have asked him who she is and he has described her as someone he bumps into when away.

We were out as a family last weekend. I was taking a pic of our DD using his iPhone (whilst DH was there) and a text from this woman came up. I asked what this woman was doing texting him when she is just a 'fan' and why she has his number. DH was due to be going away that evening and it appeared from what I read that the text was about meeting up with this woman that night. I walked off to think about it. When I got back I asked DH if I could read the text and its history. He gave me the phone but when I looked he had deleted it. He said he deleted it because he just wanted it to be forgotten about and that I would get the wrong end of the stick about it.

He claims she is just a friend and said 'if it was a man texting me would you be so bothered?'. Which, to be honest, I wouldn't.

He has been away this weekend and I know she has been there. To top it all off, I am pregnant with DC2 and feeling a bit shit and fat, our sex life is crap at the moment and I have been sat here feeling paranoid.

This is the first time I have felt mistrustful of DH. I don't think he would have a physical affair. I just don't like all this smoke and mirrors thing with the deleting of texts sent by unknown women to him when he is out with his family. And the setting up of meetings on weekend jollies (which they definitely are jollies).

I don't know. This is probably all in my head. But it is toxic and niggling away at me.

If you trusted your husband then this woudlnt matter to you a jot, you would just brush it off, but for some reason that only you know, you are disturbed enough by this to post on here for advice. There is a reason why you don't trust him.

bleep, you do get that people are trying to help you, don't you, love ?

I don't think people are trying to get you to "do" anything

there isn't actually anything you can do, if he is going to cheat, he will

there is nothing wrong with giving your H the heads-up about the fact you have sussed him though, if only for being a little bit silly and allowing this woman to cross some boundaries that are not appropriate

what your H does with this, or whether he dismisses you as "jealous and paranoid" is up to him

anyfucker - yes of course I know you are :) I'm just trying to explain that I can only do what I've done already in getting DH to understand my POV and that he must change his behaviour with this woman.

I will speak further about this with him tonight. I think I need to reiterate more of what was said last night, if only because he came in knackered and I was a bit fraught too. He does need to know that I am serious about this and I am prepared to put my cards down on the table and talk about this when I am in a good mood, not just when I am feeling pissed off because he has been away all weekend with this woman.

Op what you say about this being 'totally out of character' is the biggest red flag for me. As in his behaviour has changed.

Sincerely hoping this came to nothing and your dh put in some boundaries with this woman.