tranny dh, do i get thw green light?

[LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay]

Dh is night time tranny, he likes to relax in women's gear after a bath. Didn't know this when we married. I don't like it, but support him in it cos it dies help him relax, and he's def a depressive so this helps keep the black dogs at bay. Trust me, when he's really bad, it brings me down too. It's v hard to help him out of it when he's there.
This isn't about whether he should.stop etc, not a convo that will help as when he has stopped before he hit REALLY low and frankly thus the lesser of two evils for him to x dress.
Our sex life is pretty much over now. It has killed all.desire in me for him. I'm kinda ok with this, frankly you don't miss what you don't get...

But am wondering. Once or twice I've had the come on for quick affairs. Am utterly disinterested in leaVing my dh. Not only do I love him, I also LIKE him ever such a lot. But sometimes I think Christ I'd love to have the best sex of my life. I aM quite sure it hasn't happened. When we dtd its ok but sometimes shit. ProbaBly like many others' sex lives. Sometimes good. Sometimea not!

So any other tranny wives haVe this problem? I don't know whether I would do if. I don't like the idea of infidelity, probaBly it'll never happen, so that's that. And I'm 40 now, so not like I'm turning lots of heads! That sounds vain, please see it as the humour its intended to be! But I do think bloody hello matey, did u change the gialposts or WHAT?

would I be tarred with the same 'slapper' brush? Sometimes my thoughts on thus go round and round till I think I'll pop!

You could talk to your DH and ask for an open relationship? Or are you worried this will spur on the depression further?
Is your DH interested in sex? and has he accepted your sex life isn't going to happen anymore?

I can't really relate to your situation, so I am probably not being very helpful sorry :/

You can love and like someone without being married to them. I can't work out why you'd want to martyr your sex-life on the altar of his depression or personal habits. If he spent all evening doing something else that you didn't like and was a turn-off, I wonder if you'd be so tolerant. The whole thing seems to be far too one-sided.

If you can't bear to leave him then indulge your fantasy and have a crack at an affair. Any questions and you can always say that it's the lesser of two evils and, if you didn't get some decent sex soon, you would be very depressed. I'm sure he'll understand. Sauce for the goose etc.

I have a friend that is a tranny, he seems to dress up more when he is stressed, don't know whether this is common. He is married and his wife is seeing someone else, my friend is accepting of this affair and even socialises with his wife and her 'friend.' I think that your unusual circumstances mean that it is acceptable for you to see someone else. Incidently if you didn't know my friend was a tranny you would presume he was happily married, him and his wife get on really well.

I do not think your life sounds horrible, just different, I feel that your husbands tranny instincts are just part of who he is. But it must be hard for you not having any kind of love life.

Your husbands crossdressing is a separate issue from whether you are happy in bed, or in the relationship generally. Somebody being transsexual or a cross dresser doesn't give you the green light to have an affair! By all means leave if you are unhappy. If you are content to stay, then stay. If you feel he might be accepting of an open relationship, then broach the issue and see what he says.

(He may have discovered he was into crossdressing during the course of the relationship, it's impossible to say)

Then she should leave if she feels that strongly, of course. What I mean is that plenty of people are in happy relationships with a crossdresser and they wouldn't see it as a 'green light' to have an affair. Or even as a problem at all.

I've been where you are now.

First, sod what other people think. It's none of their bloody business.

Okay, you're obviously unhappy with this in particular regards your sex life. I think you need to tell your DH everything you've written above. Explain it in a none-accusatory way. He may be happy with an open marriage. Who knows until you ask?

There is no need to be ashamed of your desires. You are a normal woman with desires. Accept that and you can stop beating yourself up about it. Then you need to decide what you are going to do about them. You need to speak to your DH about this and be completely honest.

He has certainly moved the goal posts which gives you every right to take the opportunity to modify the way you play the game.

Good luck x

If I had an mental image of my dp dressed as a women I would certainly be put off them. I really think this is one of those situations where you wouldn't know what to do unless faced with it.

Of course its not an excuse. At all. If you want to have sex with other people then either leave or speak to your dh. He might be happy, in the circumstances, to have an open marriage. He may wish to sleep with people who like that he dresses as a woman. An open marriage (if you really won't leave) may the solution. Doing it behind is hack is absolutely wrong.
Although I have to say, the one transgender person i know hates the term 'tranny'. I thought most found it offensive.

I don't personally think it gives you a green light to have an affair.

Sit and talk to your H.

If he is happy for you to have sex outside your marriage then go for it open and honestly.

If he is not happy for you to have sex outside your marriage then you need to make the decision as to whether you stay with your H and don't have the sex. See if there is any counselling you can have together or separately to bring back the sex in your marriage. Say with your H and go behind his back, have the sex and run the risk he will up and leave you if he finds out. Or leave your H and go and have all the sex you want with all the men you want.

I have dated a transgender person for a year and yes, I think tranny is often used as a derogatory term.

there is a difference between transgendered and transvestite isn't there I thought her H was the latter?

Yes their is a difference. However I thought both groups generally felt tranny was offensive.

That's illogical. People are happy in all kinds of dysfunctional relationships but it doesn't mean the OP has to be happy in hers. It doesn't matter that he's wearing frocks but it does matter that he's being supremely selfish. Right now the power balance is entirely with the husband... he uses being unpleasant and moody to keep the OP dancing attendance & justifies his recreational activity as a way to relax, not particularly caring that the person he is supposed to love doesn't like it at all. The OP feels guilty for wondering if this is as good as it gets and feels obliged to stay with this person out of 'love'. Exactly the same question being asked by every other person on this board trapped & controlled by an inconsiderate partner.

It just so happens the only person I have had this conversation is transgender.

I have hung around on trans related forums due to dating XGF. They tend to be a mix of crossdressers and transsexuals, so I am going by a general vibe. Generally when I have heard the word tranny used, it's been by narrow minded people on t'telly who were throwing it out as an insult.

But yes, cross-dressing is very different from wanting to be a woman all the time. Though sometimes it can lead to the person realizing they want to transition, it's not always the case.

Cogito, it's the same as the porn debate in some ways, some are happy to date someone who relaxes in that way, some are not. Everyone has their own level of what is okay. If the OPs DH is a bit of a moody, inconsiderate tit, that's another issue on top of everything and one she needs to consider carefully.

I once went out with someone who used pot as a way to relax. I didn't like it so I left. many would have been fine and stayed - neither would be wrong.

Firstly I'll use whatever bloody word I want. If its good enough for Grayson Perry its good enough for me. I've not come on here to be lectured about my choice of wording, FFS. There's more stuff going on in my life than whether I'm using z word you don't find acceptable. And no, don't bother extrapolating that into issues of racism or whatever. Not the point of my post, ill not be taking that re herring further.
As to those posters who addressed my query... Thank you. I haVe found much here to ponder. I tend to agree. I don't think affairs ate acceptable, and you've given me a few new angles to consider why they aren't. That is very helpful.

My dh isn't doing this out of spite. It's how he is. I want to live aNd support him in that, I guess. Luke I say, I like him, he has tremendous qualities which ate why I married him. This... Not so much!

Does your Dh want to have sex with you, or has his increasing interest in his femininity meant that he is happy for that side to disappear?

If he does want sex with you, would he be prepared to dress as a man to turn you on? Or does having seen him in his feminine guise put you right off him?

OP you really do sound like you love your dh, you have helped me understand my friend's relationship (described above) a bit more from his wife's perspective. I have described his wife has having an affair that he knows about-when really it is a kind of open relationship. It sounds like it is something worth you discussing further with your dh.