tranny dh, do i get thw green light?

[LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay]

Dh is night time tranny, he likes to relax in women's gear after a bath. Didn't know this when we married. I don't like it, but support him in it cos it dies help him relax, and he's def a depressive so this helps keep the black dogs at bay. Trust me, when he's really bad, it brings me down too. It's v hard to help him out of it when he's there.
This isn't about whether he should.stop etc, not a convo that will help as when he has stopped before he hit REALLY low and frankly thus the lesser of two evils for him to x dress.
Our sex life is pretty much over now. It has killed all.desire in me for him. I'm kinda ok with this, frankly you don't miss what you don't get...

But am wondering. Once or twice I've had the come on for quick affairs. Am utterly disinterested in leaVing my dh. Not only do I love him, I also LIKE him ever such a lot. But sometimes I think Christ I'd love to have the best sex of my life. I aM quite sure it hasn't happened. When we dtd its ok but sometimes shit. ProbaBly like many others' sex lives. Sometimes good. Sometimea not!

So any other tranny wives haVe this problem? I don't know whether I would do if. I don't like the idea of infidelity, probaBly it'll never happen, so that's that. And I'm 40 now, so not like I'm turning lots of heads! That sounds vain, please see it as the humour its intended to be! But I do think bloody hello matey, did u change the gialposts or WHAT?

would I be tarred with the same 'slapper' brush? Sometimes my thoughts on thus go round and round till I think I'll pop!

i think you should ask him for an open relationship. it's the deceit and breaking of trust that will be the big issue.

i don't see why you should split up with him if you love him so much. it's one aspect that is missing, that you hope you'll be able to fulfil elsewhere.

unfortunately i don't think it will be that simple though.

good luck.

Now I've heard it all!. Her DH is dressing as a woman, she finds it a turn-off, and she's the one who needs counselling

Apologies, OP, I have nothing useful to offer you, but you seem very honest and kind, I wish you all the best with whatever you decide.

You love him, like him but find the thought of him occasionaly in women's clothes a massive turn off. I can't imagine that...they're only bloody clothes! Sorry...I can't get my head around your attitude. It's not a green light for an affair at all.

Flim I thought she could do with talking to somene about it too actually. Its very shallow to be that affected by something as transient as clothing. He''s presumably not dressing as a woman during sex...that would be rather different. If he's just spending a few hours a day in a frock or something, why is that hard to deal with? It's only clothing.

Spoken, you have MI idea what you're talking about, with respect. I find your attitude "hard to get my head around". He shaVes as z woman would, wears women's underwear, likes to wear women's nightwear.... And yet you condemn me for finding it hard to be aroused by him? Hmmmm. Find another thread to spout your ignorance on. Most advice on here has been positive and cinstructive. Not yours.

To the rest if you.... Sorry for spasmodic replies, mowing lawn.... Gasps for tea...!
I am not unhappy, fae from. In many, tbh most ways, he is aN enabler for me. We will need to discuss this as our eldest DD gets older, no doubt...

One thing us plain, your dislike of the affair/uncomplicated sex has nailed it for me. I an v glad and grateful for that. I don't usually wobble like this... Am v grateful to those if you who posted constructively. In some ways, trannies have it hardest. Being gay or bi is more acceptable in society now, I think my dh has a long road... And I have to walk it with him I guess.

I'd leave.

If it's "only clothes" why can't he give them up? It's obviously something else. Not just clothes.

Wickety, I'd say you've just about nailed it! Wise woman. I guess I try to sublimate it and it is usually ok. But when I got the glad eye from a rather fit colleague (although he's clearly a shit!) it is then that it reared its head. And I think 'i'd live to be really fucked by a 'man'.

ui chose each word carefully. It goes without saying I waNt that man to be my husband. It's just not that straightforward.

So. Head baCk up my arse and baCk to mowing. Sorry for crazy writing, bloody HTC...

It is a problem that you still have sexual feelings only not for your husband. Wouldn't you be better off as friends?

"He's got a fetish with women's clothing - it's creepy."

In your opinion. Not everyone finds it "creepy".

OP I've been in a similar situation as you. My DH is also interested in x-dressing. I always used to think I'd be fine with it (I've always had a weakness for men in eyeliner etc) but I just don't find it sexually appealing. I just couldn't sleep with him while he was wearing a dress. Doesn't change the fact that I love and adore him.

Really you need to have a really frank conversation with him, I know it'll be really hard, but you can't keep your feelings bottled up. If he loves you then he'll want to know how you feel.

I feel extremely lucky that since having a child DH has decided that he doesn't want to x-dress as he's worried how it would affect them. I breathed a huge sigh of relief over that! I don't know what I'd do in your situation, but I wish you lots of luck.

OP, just a thought, does he have any friends or aquantances who also do this, belong to any online forums or groups? If he does there maybe some kind of support network for partners of cross dressers so you can get some idea of what others do in your situation.
Maybe if you both explore it together things might get a little easier perhaps?
I've no personal experience of this at all so sorry if that wasn't very helpful x

No personal experience of this, but it seems to me that if the sex life has gone between you, and that is in the open and sorted, then if he can do his thing without any hassle, then you should be able to do yours too.

I can see that he probably feels that he needs this in his life. Fair enough.

So you need sex in your life. And it isnt your fault that this issue has killed your physical desire for him, as opposed to your affection.

Lostyou never said he wears it to bed! You said "He wears it to relax in the evenings"

So how am I to guess he's shaving and wearing undies too!??

I think 40 is very very young to give up on a happy sex life, regardless of the rest of the complications.

i feel for you OP, i couldnt have sex with someone who liked to dress in womens clothing, if i wanted that, I would find a lesbian :/

it was pretty underhand of him not to give you the option about it before marrying you

dont know what to suggest - if you had an affair and got found out, what would happen then, would it be worth it for a good shag?

You either stay with him and accept him for who he is and all the trappings that entails. Or you leave.

Black and white.

Sigh.... That's the problem. I don't think my sexual fulfilment is worth his finding out what I had done to him.
Sure I would like sex that is really good. But do many othet aspects of our marriage are great, that I guess on balance its not worth it. Ok, he's a tranny but in comparison to what I read on other threads, I have nothing to complain of, I guess. he's an excellent father and I find him endlessly interesting and funny to talk to. We really are good friends.
It's just not straightforward. But I'm so glad that I read more reasons against being unfaithful. Thx to all

"You love him, like him but find the thought of him occasionaly in women's clothes a massive turn off. I can't imagine that...they're only bloody clothes!"

Eh? I would have thought it very easy to imagine how that can be a turn off. If you are a heterosexual woman, you find MEN sexually attractive, not women, and I cant think of any less of a turn on than to come home to find my husband sitting there looking like Lily Savage.

I know there are some women who dont have a problem with it, but I would imagine that most would find it very offputting in their relationship.

Look, spoken I'm not really bothered how you view my response. I would hope I've NOT come across as rather shallow on here (wtffff?) But if that is how you see me, let's just leave it, no offence aNd bygones, etc etc. As I said, I do have bigger fish to fry. (deep, not shallow, natch... )

glob if u knew him you'd know how utterly impossible he would find it to discuss this with others. He is ashamed of how he is. But he can't help it. I can only likened it to z gay wishing they were straight.
It's part of his make up.
Jesus. Im making jokes about it. WTF is wrong with me?!

gnocchi how is your easy view of the world working out for you?
I have no issue with your viewpoint. In fact I think I'm agreeing with you. Just remind me not to ask you for hints on giving palatable truths any time soon. There are nice ways to say things, you know...?
I think I'm very tired. Headfuck of a day, all in all. Sorry if I'm tetchy.

You asked for opinions. And advice. Some sugar coay it and some dont.

I`ll rephrase if you like but it probabpy wont sound very genuine (even though the sentiment is the same)

"your oh is who he is, unfortunatley, and sadly one must accept our OHs for the people they are or, sadly, make steps to find a life which fulfills the completely".

Id rather not waffle.

And fwiw, once I accepted the mantra I initially posted I have lived a very happy and fulfilled life with someone who I dont need to change.