What have I done?

[agedgoth]

I'm on phone so apols for typos.
Husand and I went for rare night out tonight to see some of his friends and pals who were in the band. I enjoyed myself, but not so DH in right mood and won't tell me why until tomorrow. Am home, in tears due to aggressiveness and genuinely clueless why I'm I'm in trouble. Am scared so have taken self to sofa. He says I'm in trouble but won't talk about it until tomorrow. I told him to talk to a solicitor and he said I'm a cunt. I can't see what I 've done to anger him
so much ? Am on sofa tonight.

You poor thing . If you have no idea why your in trouble, my guess is he's being a knob. I was married to someone like that. Has he been drinking?

This sounds terrible, OP.

Who is he to tell you you are "in trouble"? That's the language you might use to a difficult teenager who has stayed out too late or crashed the car, not to a spouse at the end of a night out.

Has this kind of thing happened before?

Have you been scared of him before?

Has he called you names before?

Is he angry because you enjoyed yourself? Does he try to control your outings and limit who you mix with?

Do you have to be at home in the morning when he wakes up? Can you not just take yourself out for the day tomorrow rather than wait for him to tell you off???

He has a lot of power over you at the moment. Even if deep down you know what you did to make him unhappy, he should be man enough to talk to you. Not tell you he will tell you tomorrow. That is a massive power play.

I agree with not being there when he wakes up. Take some of the power back. When you do finally talk to tell him you will not put up with that behavior. It is fine to be annoyed at you but not fine to treat you like this.

When he is ready to talk about it like a man, calmly and rationally. Then you can talk.

If you leave it like this you will have no chance to defend your self.

However. If you are genuinely scared he will hurt you. And that he is not capable of having this out with tou calmly then Pack your bags and leave.

You're 'in trouble' and he won't tell you why until tomorrow?

He sounds like a tosser. Was it your idea to sleep on the sofa, or his?

What a shit-bag. Where is the balance in your relationship? He sounds like an over-bearing bullyboy.

He's treating you like a naughty child rather than his partner.

My guess is that he's been drinking & he's possessive of you & this is all to do with the green eyed monster.

Even if you have to grab a quilt & sleep in the car, surely it's better than waking up in the house, waiting to he told off by this tosser?

How are you now, OP?

Hi, we'd both been drinking, but not loads. I slept on sofa, with the cat. I still don't know what I've done wrong. Been wracking my brains half the night to think if I did/said anything out of turn and I can't think of anything. He's a knob. No doubt he'll wake up soon and demand breakfast. He can piss off.

Look after yourself OP. I had a pretty much identical experience at my cousin's wedding. It was 4 years ago and I still don't know what it was. He would use behaviour like that to control me and 'keep me in check'. He is now my ex.

I hope you're okay. I can't believe that he won't say what the issue is and calls you a vile name rather than discuss it.
I had an ex like this, would change mood with no warning and I'd be in 'trouble.' Horrible way to live.

I hope you're ok OP. Can't offer any advice as I've never been in your position, but your partner sounds nasty, keeping you on tenterhooks as to why you're in trouble. If I've annoyed my husband he's fairly quick to tell me & vice versa. Surely that's how it should be. Is there anyone you can stay with for a few days? I would leave him to stew.

Lovey, why are you still there, waiting like a teenager sent to the headmaster's office for his caning ?

Get dressed, go out for breakfast by yourself.

Leave him to bully the 4 walls

Have you posted about him before, because he sounds like an abusive and inadequate man

You're "in trouble" and he'll tell you tomorrow. What is this? It's the wrong way to behave. Even if your behaviour was out of order, nobody should do this to someone. Keep them on tenterhooks. And being called a cunt. No. Not on. Can you go out?

It's a power play, basically. You are supposed to spend the night agonising over what terrible thing you have done. By the morning he may actually have thought of something to accuse you with.

Is this the roll on and roll off guy?

I hope you've gone out. Or he's up and apologised for being so idiotic.

Do you have children?

So he is nice and comfy and happily sleeping in the bed while you worry all nice and crash on the sofa scared of what you have done It can't be that bad or he would be too upset to sleep. Also what kind of vile man could upset their DW like this and then sleep happily?

Does he do this often or just when you go out and you manage to have fun? He has ruined the whole of your fun evening. You probably haven't done anything wrong or something so tiny and insignificant.

He is a nasty man and if you spend the night awake and worrying this is torture and abusive.

Yeah, I've posted about him before, for my sins. And yes, he's the roll on, roll off guy! I keep thinking it's me, there'll be a good couple of days/weeks so maybe I'm overreacting and then bingo, he does something horrible again.

Last weekend we went away. I paid for the whole damn lot. I earn more, so expect to pay more, but he didn't even offer a token amount, or say thank you, which is all I'd have wanted. Vaguely remember saying something of this last night, which may explain his offishness. Or it may be because I didn't do the housework to his standard. Who knows. He's a knob and right now I can't stand him.

He's still not talking to me, so I'm going out in a bit, clearing my head and leaving him to it.

Can I ask what's keeping you with him? You're not financially reliant on him from what I can tell. Demands breakfast? He knows where the fridge is.

There is simply no excuse for calling someone a cunt. Your posts have all the hallmarks of yer classic EA relationship and I can see a lot of my ex in your H. Note he is now my ex.

May I suggest you talk to a solicitor, and sharpish? In the meantime, have some hugs and go treat yourself to something nice.

If he wants the housework done to his standard hand him the marigolds.

At least you are doing some housework from the sounds of it. Send him around here he would come back and never complain about yours again

leaving him to it? re phrase to leaving him lovey, I remember your other thread, and dont think you should be wasting any more of your precious time on him.

aw, please leave him

what the hell are you wasting your time on a twat like this for ?

of course he will be nice for a couple of days...it's to keep you wriggling on the hook

if you've posted about this before though, I am sure all this has been said

when will you start to listen ?

what does he have to do to make you think "ok, enough" ?

You are still hanging around the house and giving him his supply of hangdog, submissive partner, aren't you ?

And you still don't know what you are supposed to have "done"

Get some self-respect and don't give him the opportunity to see how you are meekly waiting for him to decide when to tear a strip off you for fuck-all

I really don't think you need to be told, but honestly, leave the bastard.

"I keep thinking it's me, there'll be a good couple of days/weeks so maybe I'm overreacting and then bingo, he does something horrible again."

This is the cycle of abuse:
Honeymoon period >>>>> tension rising >>>>> period of abuse >>>>> honeymoon period >>>>> etc.

There's no rule as to how long each of these periods lasts, but they continue until the cycle is broken. For you own sake, break the cycle. And no, it's not you. It's him.

Have a look at the freedom programme. It's good.