Is this normal sexual behaviour?

[HereToday]

I just need some advice pls. I'm in my early 40s but inexperienced because I only had been with DP, who is now my ex. Anyway, met this guy, about my age, met up a few times, enjoyed each other's company and after a few dinners at each other's house we had sex. Two free consenting adults, etc. Bit awkward, I did not ... well, you know, but still enjoyed it. I did not know whether he had come, then we were lying in the bed and he says is it ok to get a beer and I say yeah, so he comes back with a bottle of beer and lies back next to me. So we are lying there and he starts... well, jerking off, and he says it's just so he will come. And then he asks me to tickle his balls. So I do it and he comes. Then I go home and he texts me saying oh, it was so brilliant, let's do this again.

I mean... is it normal for a man to do it in 3 different positions with a woman he says he finds attractive, and not come, and then jerk off openly, asking her to massage his balls while he does it, while having a bottle of beer on the night table...? Apologies if I am being stupid , it's just that my ex wasn't like this...

I'd say not.
Not that I've slept with any men, but it seems pretty weird to me.

Erm, no

If I were you I wouldn't be going back for more lets put it that way

There is no 'normal' when it comes to sexual behaviour honestly, I think that's one of the first things to realise. What's important is that everyone involved is happy and comfortable with what goes on. If you didn't mind, then there's no problem. If you did, ask yourself what it is that bothered you? And then from those answers see if the issues can be resolved.

Sorry, but this made me laugh. I'm so glad the bottle was only there in case he wanted a drink.

I think he's been used to too much porn. He's got used to too firm a grip so normal sex just won't do it any more for him.

Tis a recurrent problem in the dating world.

If you really like him, then you might want to get past this but it would have to be done with his complete involvement and honesty.

No it's not.

Maybe he's watched too much porn and gone solo for far too long that that's the only way he can come now.

All the same, I wouldn't be going back for more.

Agree with imperial

Thanks for the input, everyone. I'm just too confused at the minute. He has been wanting to meet up again but I've been evasive...

How much did you like him before this happened?

It's not very thoughtful...I'd be quite put off by it... But maybe he sees things differently? We're you comfortable doing it? If not you should speak to him about.

I instantly thought then tried to analyse why it sounds so wrong.

I've decided it is not so much the wanking, but the selfishness of it. If he wasn't done then he could have carried on by doing mutual oral or mutual masturbation rather than just finishing himself off. I mean you are supposed to be involved in this situation too, you know!

I would have been slightly annoyed by this. He's been flying solo for too long, clearly.

He might be inexperienced and use to flying solo... So may not know any sexual etiquette.

It sounds to me like it was all about him. You say you didn't...but you still enjoyed it. It doesn't seemed to have bothered him that you didn't but he made sure that he did.

Urgh.

I would be tempted to give him a wide berth unless you think he's worth discussing it with.

Hmm, I know it's not abnormal for women to help themselves so that they orgasm. Not sure for first time sex though :) I would get over it if you like him and see how it goes the next few times.

I must admit I haven't heard of this desensitizing due to increased porn use. Men have always wanked before porn was available.

Sorry, it made me laugh too.

Did he not get you a drink?

I'm imagining him watching the football while drinking the beer, and pleasuring himself.

Sound to me like he needs a lot to be satisfied. Is he quite old?

And only getting one bottle of beer was rather selfish

I would also add that if this is what he's like the first time when it's supposed to be all tingly and exciting and you're showing your best sides to one another, then it doesn't bode well for the future.

tressy believe me desensitising because of frequent porn use is a real problem for some men, and their partners.

It is weird he didn't ask you of you fancie a drink or if you wanted to continue...

It might just be a habit from a past relationship. Speak to him.

Yes, I'd be more annoyed he only got himself a drink!

It's selfish behaviour. I imagine him thinking "I've struck gold here, had a date, had a shag, got my beer, and her tickling my balls while I knock one out"

What about your pleasure and your drink?

Susie, I personally haven't come across it. I date single men so there porn use must be vast . I wonder why it has become a problem. Do they need the visual stimulation of other people. As I say men have always wanked like crazy even when in a fully satisfying relationships.

'Their' porn use damn it!

I wouldn't be bothered by him tossing off. I would be bothered that he didn't make sure you came before he tossed off, and that he didn't offer you a drink.

imperial I liked him quite a lot, he we had interesting conversation, he has a GSOH, however commonplace that is, and he was nice to cuddle up to. But then this happened :(

eclectic , no, I wasn't comfortable doing it at all. But.. I thought part of that might be that we were still getting used to each other's bodies, plus my ex was slim and not hairy at all, whereas this guy is the complete opposite, to say the least. I don't find him unattractive (obviously, lol :) ) but still, I need some getting used to. Or this is what I was thinking at the time.

Lifeissweet and Damsel , it's all so complicated. I'm not sure he actually knew I had not come. I did not fake but I did enjoy it... and to be honest I felt it's like making him feel bad if I let him know that I hadn't come.

Eh, it feels so weird, talking about this on the internet. But I'm grateful for your input because as I've said I really have so little experience.