Is this normal sexual behaviour?

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I just need some advice pls. I'm in my early 40s but inexperienced because I only had been with DP, who is now my ex. Anyway, met this guy, about my age, met up a few times, enjoyed each other's company and after a few dinners at each other's house we had sex. Two free consenting adults, etc. Bit awkward, I did not ... well, you know, but still enjoyed it. I did not know whether he had come, then we were lying in the bed and he says is it ok to get a beer and I say yeah, so he comes back with a bottle of beer and lies back next to me. So we are lying there and he starts... well, jerking off, and he says it's just so he will come. And then he asks me to tickle his balls. So I do it and he comes. Then I go home and he texts me saying oh, it was so brilliant, let's do this again.

I mean... is it normal for a man to do it in 3 different positions with a woman he says he finds attractive, and not come, and then jerk off openly, asking her to massage his balls while he does it, while having a bottle of beer on the night table...? Apologies if I am being stupid , it's just that my ex wasn't like this...

OP did you just have sex with my husband?!!!!

Okay I can relate to this, truly.

My ex when we first got together had a wank in front of me and I was a bit sweet naive ingenue that I was. But then I was 'Okay, fair play to him.
He's not embarrassed about masturbating nor does he deny he does!' (first bf never masturbated. Allegedly.

So I had no real issue with that tbh. Likewise getting to know someone, first time with that person etc can be awkward - what the real shame her is that he didn't verify whether you had come or not and whether you would like to come or not via mutual masturbation, finishing yourself off or him offering a helping hand or mouth.

But if you didn't say anything either because of awkwardness or embarrassment then maybe he thought you had or as you weren't asking that you weren't bothered. This would rankle.

As for the ball stroking my other half adores this and has been quite happy with this and an open wank when I have been unable to make love due to post birth trauma or indeed when I am knackered and also when I have come and he hasn't and I was giving him a Hurry up love expression the timing has sometimes been off and he didn't want me to have to keep at it if I'd already orgasmed which is actually quite considerate when you think about it.

But we have known each other for years.

In short

I would be fine with him having a wank
I would not be unduly concerned about him not having come
I would be unsurprised he likes having his balls stroked
I would be happy he was confident enough to express what he wanted

But

I would be a bit about the beer
I would be a lot about him not asking what I wanted/whether I wanted anything

If you like the guy you need to talk this through, get over your own shyness and say what you want.

As for him being hirsute that is something you can either get used to or not.
If not it probably ends now.

As for him wanking = porn obsession, no I don't buy that. Yes, he probably has a 'wank bank' of images, a lot of men do, in the same way many women have a fantasy that works time and again.

but he wasn't excluding you nor not making an effort prior (3 positions. 3?!!
Her on top. Doggy. And normal. Tis a Garth merenghi reference if you were wondering.

So either he is worth the effort of a post coitus post mortem...or he's not.
Communication is what is needed here.

Good luck!

I think it depends on what you're happy with and feel comfortable with. No shame in him 'finishing himself off' what's the problem? Why is it ok for women to want/need to come by other means than intercourse, but not men? If you like him, he's nice to you, you enjoyed it, you can also get what you want out of it sexually etc and feel that you have a choice/say then what's the problem? I don't see any problem in mutual masturbation...personally would prob have joined in or asked him to tickle something of mine! If you feel though that he is selfish and only thinking about his own orgasm/satisfaction then that's a different matter.

Oh hang on ... he asked you whether you minded him having a beer. No, then that wouldn't bother me either.

Would object to him wanking with a beer in one hand and cock in the other as would not want beer on my sheets but would be impressed with the multi-tasking

Did he have a box of tissues on stand by. That is the question...
Using the sheets, pants or his sock for cleaning up purposes...too much, too soon

I don't have quite such a strong reaction as other people(must admit to not reading entire thread yet). Some men, at the beginning of a relationship, have stage fright and find it difficult to come. My DH, right at the beginning, didn't come on several occasions and I felt really odd about it - he explained to me he couldn't come til he felt comfortable with a woman, and our sex life has grown pardon the pun into the most mind blowing one imaginable. The beer might jut be about playing down his embarrassment?

I'd run for the hills. Past bitter experience has proven such men to be wankers both in and out of bed.

No it's not normal but it sounds fun.

Just as sometimes we may find it hard to orgasm, so do men; they are not robots. It can be for all sorts of reasons so best not to jump to conclusions at this early stage. OP, it's not abnormal for a man to have great sex but find it difficult to come, so don't think he's a liar. Early relationship sex is when you are finding out about each other, what works and what doesn't, so try and relax and go with the flow and give it time. Don't feel bad that he had to finish himself off; remember, he knows his body far better than you do because you've only just started having sex with him. If you don't want to do something (even if it says it's "normal" in Cosmo magazine!) then don't do it.

But he didn't get her off. I wouldn't care if he needs to wear stockings with an orange in his mouth and a banana in his bum to get off, as long as he cared enough to make sure I was satisfied.

Another selfish twunt here OP.

Me, myself and I (yuck) Hope he eventually pulls the ruddy thing off

to carry on solo without involving you suggests to me a man who feels that sex is primarily for the purpose of his gratification..the womans pleasure is merely incidental

The men worth sleeping with have an attitude that sex is all about their partners pleasure because by pleasing them they get it all back 10 fold.

At least, that's the attitude my lover has. Which is why I kept him just for me

OP your man does not sound like he took any special care and considering it was the first time for you two together it screams selfish lover to me. I really would not bother going there again. Not even just to see if it was a one off.

is it normall behaviour? yes and no.

no, becasue well, it was your first time together, he should be making that connection with you, so you and he are comfortable together. i can imagin that him doing that made you feel inadquite? thinking did he enjoy it?

having said that me and my ex, used to do this some times, as at the beginging he would come really easly so he slowly traind himself to go longer, by stopping and starting so after and hour n half 2 hours im want done, iv come i just want to cuddle dude, so i would help him out.
but had he did this the first time we had sex, i would have to think about if i wanted to go back

i would prehasp, depending on how you feel, talk to him, explain how that made you feel. also there insnt alaw that says you have to see him again. :)x

I have occasionally given a man a second chance when first time sex was disappointing, it was never worth it.

Some men appear to view women as an aide to masturbation

did you decide to give The Tosser another chance, OP ?

I'd say its because he's been single for a while and they get used to their Own hand, it's rougher & they do it harder.
I wouldn't be offended, but if he wanted a repeat performance (and you do?) get him to show you how he likes it?
At least he didn't stand there and make a cup of tea!

did he wank into a tissue?

i would not be impressed with having to clean jizz up and not get an orgasm out of it.

i would be tempted to give him another try but i wouldn't put up with another non-orgasm.

A bit of a tosser by the sound of it. Deffinatly not normal behaviour .

Oh God, this brings back very cringey memories of an experience I once had with a guy I'd previously fancied for ages. After a lot of time and effort on my part, it became apparent that I wasn't up to the job (never failed before ), so the bloke took matters into his own hands iyswim.

And the overriding memory is that the way he touched himself almost brought tears to my eyes. It was almost violent. I didn't go back for more, I couldn't imagine that he'd ever be able to have functional sex, tbh. He was seriously desensitised. The memory of him going redder and redder in the face while he thrashed himself makes me want to bleach my brain.

eek Carly

I know. Yuk. Apologies for sharing that with you all, particularly if you were eating.

it just seems kinda weird for first time, sex, you'd hope the bloke would want to make a good impression so that he'd be invited back?

I had a 'relationship' like this once. In the end he stopped bothering including me at all and I would be awakened in the depths of night by similar sensations to a minor earthquake...

Very demoralising.

LMFAO - Sorry lol, but that does somehow show a stereotypical male with self-interest and satisfaction at heart. This could be good sit-com fodder but is far from weird as such and definitely not perverse. You could bin him on the grounds of not appearing to care whether you came or not. It's harmless but funny really