he Just wont clean the house :... (

[fedupwithDP]

DP and I moved in to a house together 9 months ago, he puts put the bins and every now and then mows the lawn, I clean bathrooms, kitchen, hoover and mop every single room, polish wood, clean skirting boards, every time I have a day off.

When I ask him to hoover (which he has never done since we moved in) he says "it's my day off"

tonight when I said that I would pay for us to go to the cinema tomorrow night (he's broke) he said, why can't we go another night- the foot ball is on.

We rarely have sex, we argue nearly every time we're together.

Then when I said to him that, if we can't agree on household things now what will it be like if we have kids? He said it will be your baby but it's scary.

I am so angry with him that I even have to ask he should just do it Im not his mother.

He doesnt buy food for us but will happily eat everything that I buy and prepare- argggggh

Sorry for self indulgent angry post Im just so upset to realise that maybe we dont have the skills as a couple to go the distance

Well I hope that this lasts but...

if you have a spare room you can get a lodger (not of the cock variety) and keep your nice flat!

Good luck!

So nothing has been resolved, you've just had a row and a shag?

i spent too many years in a relationship with a twat because i had nowhere to go - i moved to a strange town with him, and had no means to get a place on my own.

i did eventually leave him (for DH, but that wasn't an ideal way to do it)
we had too many flashpoints, and i hated him for a long time before i managed to leave him.

This sounds like crumbs to me....he apologised, which seemed great because he doesn't usually apologise, and you had sex.

So how he's going to show you long term that he's going to make an effort?

So what has changed OP? Has he suddenly started helping around the house?

No, he's apologised (which means fuck all if it isn't backed up with actions), and you've had sex. What a huge sacrifice he has made for you

That's OK then. He realised that he was in danger of being kicked out so he said he was sorry and gave you a shag. All sorted :(

Except that in a week or a month you will be in exactly the same place again and wondering why you listened to him.

You sound like a faithful, hardworking partner. You deserve so much better for your life. What a shame.

What a shame that right now you probably really feel that you're all lived up again and things will be just super
They won't y'know

Sallingforth is right - nothing has changed has it? Did he offer to do the shopping from now on? did he work out a rota for the washing up? will you pool your money and share bills and groceries? He now believes his penis gives him the power to shut you up - he's got that much right!

Work out what you want from him - present it to him and see how he reacts when he realises that on his day off he has to iron, hoover, tidy, clean and shop. Then hopefully he'll do the decent thing and leave by his own accord. Two adults living in a house are both responsible for the chores etc - hire a cleaner if that helps.

Ah, well now he's been rewarded with sex for shouting hurtful comments at you, he's sure to be a changed man.

He is communicating with you, you know. He is telling you that he will never do his fair share of housework or childcare or cooking. He has told you that his time away from work is his time off to do as he pleases- and, by implication, that you are responsible for servicing the household. He is communicating, he just isn't saying what you want to hear.

In unhealthy relationships there is almost always a cycle of good and bad. So don't be fooled by the good parts, judge it by the bad.

Don't have children, don't get married, and do read Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft.

There will be a cycle.

Keep a diary OP and you will eventually see a pattern.

Also, I agree with the idea of splitting the housework. Make a schedule together and observe how he acts, what he says and how he communicates with you.

If he agrees, see how long he sticks to it without you having to remind him (he will call it nagging).

Good luck