Will give background to our current relationship situation first. DP and I have always had a great relationship ( or so I thought), and we have 2 DCs aged 16 months and 6 weeks. Things have been quite stressful over the last 7 months or so, we have moved house, then moved out of house whilst it's being renovated and are currently living with his parents. Work for DP has been fine but busy, we've had our second baby, but she was hospitalised for a week a month ago due to nasty virus (is ok now), then I was hospitalised for a week with an unrelated condition, I'm ok now but will need outpatient treatment. All in all, a very stressful time, but I thought we'd coped well and we've always talked and despite the odd bit of bickering have never really argued. We're due to move into our new house this weekend.
So I'm at home with the kids, and yesterday was checking my emails on the pc. His work emails also sync to our pc, and up popped one containing a conversation between him and his PA, along the lines of him saying "I'm really glad you didn't leave, I'd have really missed you if you know what I mean?!" etc etc with definite flirting from both sides. I felt a bit sick when I read this, and subsequently searched his other work emails, and discovered one 15 May which is from 5 DAYS after DD was born when he was here at home on paternity leave, with both of them arranging to go out for dinner together, and discussing where they could go where they wouldn't be caught. :-(
I then called DP and confronted him, going nuts and crying, and admitted that they had kissed 3 months ago on a work night out, but nothing else had happened apart from a few flirty emails. He says they have never been alone together, slept together, or gone out for dinner. DP came home from work to sort things out, and appears to be devastated that he's fucked up, crying hysterically and saying that he loves me and it was just an escape from all the pressures of the last few months and that she means nothing. He told his parents straight away, crying whilst doing so, and they too are gutted.( I said he had to tell them as I couldn't live a lie whilst in their house). I'm inclined to believe him when he says she means nothing, and he doesn't have previous form, this is very out of character.
I am just devastated that he cheated when I was pregnant, and that he was arranging a meeting with her so soon after I had given birth. I thought he had seemed a little distant lately but never suspected this. I am so angry that he has ruined everything, and I'm not sure how we can move on from this. How can I wave him off to work everyday knowing he'll be working so closely with her? I hate him for tainting was should be such a happy time with our son and newborn baby girl, and moving jnto our lovely new house. I think I am still shocked and feel sick and can't eat and can't stop crying. He wants us to talk again when the kids are in bed tonight, but I don't know what to say, and how we can move on as the trust is gone. I love him and he says he loves me and will do anything to keep me. I've never seen him so upset. My confidence has now taken a massive blow and I feel numb. I just feel so vulnerable too having just given birth, and knackered from looking after 2 tiny children. I'm almost too tired to think straight and gain perspective.
He might be upset and sorry, but I worry that the email sent yesterday morning was still über-flirty, and if I hadn't have caught him, these emails and possible meet ups would have carried on. I have put this to him and he says he's glad he was caught as it's made him realise how much he loves me and how much he's got to lose.
I guess I'm asking what would you all do? I can't see the woods for the trees at the moment and can barely function. Is there hope? I'm just not sure I can ever trust him again or forget what happened. I feel so miserable.