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Original poster

Dad wants me to get a legal agreement before buying house with DP - would you?

63 replies

thornbury · 20/06/2012 19:29

Almost half the equity in the house will be due to the sale of my property. We will have a joint mortgage. DP earns about £30k more than me. We don't live together at present.

My dad wants me to protect my interest, his main argument being that I must protect the money exH has given me to put a roof over my children's heads and that both exH, and my parents, would be upset if I 'lost' it through splitting from DP.

DP feels like my parents don't trust him...yet knows that I love and trust him 100%. I can see his point...and also theirs.

WWYD?

OP posts:
apachepony · 20/06/2012 19:32

Legal agreement. Definitely. But then I am a solicitor so aware of how things could go wrong! Still, definitely get an agreement.

sparkles281 · 20/06/2012 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teeb · 20/06/2012 19:35

Absolutely. I don't think there is any reason not to, particularly with you being divorced, you must be aware that relationships are very rarely 'happily ever after.'

Sunflowergirl2011 · 20/06/2012 19:36

Hi
Yes I would ( and have).TBH if you have children, which it sounds like from your post that you have, I would not even consider moving in without doing so. when my now DH and I moved in together we had an agreement drawn up to say the house was owned in equal shares, we both put in equal amounts of capital and shared the mortgage so it was quite straightforward. a good friend of mine didn't have such an agreement when she moved in her her partner. Her parents gave her (them?) a large amount of cAsh toward the house, they split up and bf claimed it was a gift to them both and when the house was sold they got equal shares back. there was nothing she could do about this as there was no agreement. PLEASE, listen to your dad. For your sake, and more importantly, for the sake of your children. It's not about trust, you never know what will happen in the future.

Hebiegebies · 20/06/2012 19:37

Yes I would defo get an appointment with the solicitor to talk this through.

Dad and I jointly share his home. We have a legal document even though we trust each other. It smooths things out for my kids and all his family should one of us die suddenly.

It doesn't mean I don't trust him!

EverybodysSleepyEyed · 20/06/2012 19:38

Listen to your dad.

This isn't about trust, it is about practicalities

Northey · 20/06/2012 19:41

It's not just about trust in each other and your relationship. If he were to die, his next of kin would inherit his estate. You need to make sure your estate is protected by being identified as separate from his.

glastocat · 20/06/2012 19:42

Definitely listen to your dad!

mercibucket · 20/06/2012 19:42

I wonder why your dp sees it as a trust issue? You aren't married so there is no financial cover for either of you. He might come out worse if he's paying more on the mortgage because he earns more but the house is 50:50 and you are putting in less than half the equity

mercibucket · 20/06/2012 19:42

I wonder why your dp sees it as a trust issue? You aren't married so there is no financial cover for either of you. He might come out worse if he's paying more on the mortgage because he earns more but the house is 50:50 and you are putting in less than half the equity

EclecticShock · 20/06/2012 19:43

Yes.

EverybodysSleepyEyed · 20/06/2012 19:45

And just to point out - your parents are unlikely to trust your new partner 100% having seen you go through a divorce. It isn't personal to your dp, they are just looking out for their little girl!

EMS23 · 20/06/2012 19:46

Your Dad is right. Make sure you get out what you put in. That's fair enough. Your DP is being unrealistic to expect anything else.

RandomMess · 20/06/2012 19:46

Yes get a legal agreement so your equity share is protected for your children (current and future), reminding your dp that the grief/atmoshpere of not doing so from your ex isn't worth it.

ENormaSnob · 20/06/2012 19:48

Definitely listen to your dad.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 20/06/2012 19:48

Yes do it. You're worried about hurting DPs feelings and also wanting to respect your Dad imo. This is the right thing to do, it's very sensible, even if you live happily together for life, this is still a good choice. Just in case Smile Nothing to feel bad about.

Or I'm barking up on the wrong tree here and you're not worrying at all!

twostraightlines · 20/06/2012 19:48

Trust is all very well until it's broken. Few people who have been screwed over by a partner or spouse will have lacked love and trust at the time of buying a house together.

Your Dad is definitely right.

WaitingForMe · 20/06/2012 19:49

We have one as I put in 60% of the deposit. It's called a statement of trust and your solicitor can write it up at the same time they do the house sale. It doesn't cost much extra.

Turn the OPs words around. If he's trustworthy why would he have a problem? My DH wasn't bothered in the slightest, I was just asking for facts to be put in writing.

Alameda · 20/06/2012 19:50

why on earth wouldn't you?

do people actually buy properties jointly and trust it to the fates to decide what happens if one party dies or wants to sell?

mrsbugsywugsy · 20/06/2012 19:51

DP and I were going to do this as we were in the same situation (reversed).

However if he is putting more in towards the mortgage than you, will this be reflected in the agreement?

Also what happens if house prices fall? If your agreement says that you own (say) £100k of equity in the house, but house prices drop, will you still get your £100k back? Or will you own a percentage of the value of the house, do if prices drop, your percentage drops too?

I'm not sure if this makes sense. DP and I found it all too confusing in the end and didn't bother getting one (yes I know that is bad).

ANTagony · 20/06/2012 19:52

I'm with the man who is now DH2 and have 3DC. 2 from marriage with (D)H1. DH2 had no capital when we moved in together, I brought the house. We have renovated it together which has cost the same again but it has always been made clear to DH2 that the house is mine in the event of any separation.

If he's not with me for the money and doesn't intend to leave its not an issue!

scaevola · 20/06/2012 19:53

Would you buy with a flatmate without as watertight an agreement as possible covering what happened of you died, became permanently incapacitated, or just wanted to sell up?

Thought not.

As you are not married, you're legal situation is that of flatmates. Listen to your father. This isn't love. It's the legalities of property and money.

Original poster
thornbury · 20/06/2012 19:54

merci, it's not that he thinks I don't trust him, only that he was saddened by my parents' opinion of him...perhaps he has taken the suggestion more personally than he needed to. He also has a child, and resolved things with his exP without taking a penny from the house, despite having paid towards the mortgage and spent over £30k doing it up. He says 'I don't want anything that isn't mine', and is the kindest, most decent man I have ever known. He has so much integrity that it could almost be a fault!

We had already planned to make new wills when we buy the house. At present, my DC get my entire estate and that wouldn't change. If he dies while working for his present employer, he has put the payout in my name and asked me to put £100k in trust for his daughter and keep the rest myself. We already have joint bank accounts.

I understand why a legal agreement is recommended, really I do. I am confident he wouldn't ruin me, since I have seen him walk away from a 50% share of his exP's home, which is worth over £400k. He did that before we planned to buy a house together, so it wasn't in the expectation of getting his hands on 'my' money instead!

I am also confident that I will spend the rest of my life with him. My marriage is a different story, that I won't go into now, but there is no comparison.

OP posts:
Alameda · 20/06/2012 19:56

if he is decent to a fault why would he even raise an eyebrow at this, he'd suggest it surely?

if you die, how will you protect your stake in the property for your children without this agreement?

NatashaBee · 20/06/2012 19:58

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