Dad wants me to get a legal agreement before buying house with DP - would you?

[thornbury]

Almost half the equity in the house will be due to the sale of my property. We will have a joint mortgage. DP earns about £30k more than me. We don't live together at present.

My dad wants me to protect my interest, his main argument being that I must protect the money exH has given me to put a roof over my children's heads and that both exH, and my parents, would be upset if I 'lost' it through splitting from DP.

DP feels like my parents don't trust him...yet knows that I love and trust him 100%. I can see his point...and also theirs.

WWYD?

I gained £88,000 on selling MY house and paid £70k nearly off our new joint property, £8k on clearing H's loan and the rest went in fees, stamp duty, carpets etc.

We then put the house in joint names....... Now 6 years later my H has walked out on me and legally I haven't got a leg to stand on. We should have put it in two thirds mine and one third his. Now I'm dependant on him morally agreeing that I can keep what I put in. I have no idea if he will do that..

Protect yourself whatever happens. I wish I had and I certainly will if I meet anyone else...,

Yes, you must draw up a proper agreement taking into account all permutations of death, disability and splitting up.

Say you were joint tenants and you and then he die in rapid succession (e.g. as the result of a car crash). Your interest in the property would disappear on your death and the house would immediately become the property of his daughter when he died. Your children could very well get nothing, because you wouldn't be relying on his good will, but on the good will of his daughter's other parent.

What happens if he becomes disabled, you take on the mortgage payments, and then you later split up? You would have contributed the greater part of the equity and might not get a fair amount back.

Finally, is he seriously trusting you to set up a trust for his daughter in the event of his death? Why on earth isn't he protecting her himself? Frankly he sounds like a fool not to be doing at least that.

ABSOLUTELY.

Listen to your father.

Legal agreement. Your parents are right and are only looking out for you.

My Mum made me get a legal agreement when my now DH moved into my house before we were married.

Your dad is a very very wise loving man OP.

Let's say, for arguments sake, that he and his daughter both die at the same time. Perhaps his Ex-Wife is the daughter's heir and you would be fighting her for your house. Or fighting some distant cousin or something. You have to make sure that you get what is yours and that you are protected, as are your children, regardless of what happens.

Legal agreement all the way. But, like apachepony, am also a solicitor.
It's not that you don't trust your other half, just that you're protecting your children.
I don't think he should take your parents advice so personally. They're slightly detached from the situation and looking out for you all.

You're Dad's right. It's easy right now to put trust in your DP; but things can change radically if your break up. The legal stuff could protect you at a difficult time later. It goes against romantic notions - but those don't keep money in your/your children's pockets - or a roof over your heads later.

Listen to your dad, get yourself covered if you split

yes, do it. I was with someone for 12 years and thought it would be for ever. So glad I had a similar agreement in place.

Yes, I did. Altho I love my DP you dont know what the future holds and I put £130k in and he put nothing.

Another one who has got a legal agreement in place, done at time of buying house, no big deal. It did take a little bit of talking through to be sure we were both comfortable with the exact details but all perfectly sensible and not a question of not trusting each other.

Your dad is right. If he can walk away from all the equity in his last house, and leave his daughter's future finances up to you, then it sounds like he is a bit 'woolly' when it comes to finances.

It is not 'your' equity that you are trusting him with, its money that your ex settled on you and your children, to provide a home for your children. IMo that part of the equity should absolutely not go 'into the pot'. If he had taken equity out of his other house then he would be able to go in equally with you. So why should your children potentially suffer in the future because of his past financial decisions?

I bought a house with someone once. It was never going to go wrong, I trusted him completely.... I learned the hard way that love should not come between you and sensible financial arrangements for the future.