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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Having a hard day today

78 replies

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 09:22

Xp is supposed to be going to look at a flat and a house today. His dad has agreed to help him out with deposit etc (i think) and so hopefully if either place is ok, he could be gone by end of next week.

I am so sick with nerves though, mainly because I know if he comes back and says neither was suitable, I will wanna jump off the roof.

He has just gone off to CAB to sort out what he is entitled to etc.

Cross fingers that this is nearly the end please.

OP posts:
charliecat · 25/02/2006 09:45

Fingers crossed he takes one of them...fill your morning if you can.

tiredemma · 25/02/2006 10:24

keep my fingers (and toes) crossed for you x

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 10:36

He has just got back from CAB but it was shut.

He is going to see the first place after lunch. He prefers the location of this one but we don't yet know wether she will accept dss.

The second one deof accepts dss but he isn't as keen on the location.

IMO both locations are perfectly fine so he better pick one of them.

He is in a right arsey mood. I get the feeling he maybe thought I would let it go this far.

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tiredemma · 25/02/2006 10:40

keep at it nutty, he wants you to see how miserable he is so that you change your mind.

are the other places relativly close to where you are now?

good for you for staying strong x

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 10:45

One is Streetly and one is Erdington so both are close yeah.

Am wishing the time away today.

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nutcracker · 25/02/2006 11:19

Right, he has gone to take dd to ballet and will be off to see them both after that.

Feel so stressed today.

Just want to be able to start my new life NOW.

He is gonna drag it out i can tell. Even if he accepts one of them I bet he will drag out the actual moving in.

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nutcracker · 25/02/2006 12:48

ARGH he can't view the house today after all. The current tennants had a set back and now aren't leaving until tuesday.

Crap crap crap crap.

He's just gone to view the flat.

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nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:22

He's back from viewing the flat and it's perfect, plenty big enough etc etc.

I asked him if he said he wanted it then and he said no cos i need to speak to my dad again.

Rings his dad and asks to borrow £425 first months rent, thats all she wants. He says 'oh we thought you were going to move further a field (ie up by them). Xp says erm no i never said that (which he didn't), and his dad said oh well i dunno then ring me back after 3pm.

I am so mad, they are just taking the piss. The flat will have gone by 3pm.

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nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:23

Can't risk giving the woman £100 to hold it incase he dad says no.

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nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:29

and to top it off i'm talking to myself on here and have been all morning...GREAT

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PeachyClair · 25/02/2006 14:30

it's one problem after another isn't it? hugs and sympathies XX

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:32

His family are doing this on purpose. Yes he can have the money but only if it's for somewhere by them so they can control his life.

Back to me looking for somewhere then by the looks of it.

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QE2 · 25/02/2006 14:44

nutty - I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. You need to fill your time so it doesn't feel like it is dragging so much.

Don't think many people are about today.

Weatherwax · 25/02/2006 14:47

get him to phone his dad after 3 and make sure that he goes to CAB on monday morning. Really feel for you nutty, please don't give up and find yourself a different place too soon. You fought so hard for this house and it gives the kids some stability.

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:48

Nothing to do QE, no money, no where to go.

Makes me mad that our lives are in his dads hands. His dad has furnished his brothers and sisters flats/houses, given them deposits, brought them cars etc.

All xp wants is to borrow £425 and thats it.

They are doing it to be spiteful.

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nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:49

Oh he is gonna ring him at 3, i will make sure of that.

I want to stay in this house I really do but I have to be realistic. If xp's parents won't lend him the money then thats it, he can't move out so I have no choice bt to find somewhere for me and the kids.

I cann't live like this anymore it is making me feel so ill.

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charliecat · 25/02/2006 14:51

So where would you get the deposit from nutty? Couldnt he borrow from the same source?

QE2 · 25/02/2006 14:52

Spiteful to you nutty, or to him? Either way, that's pretty low of them to be so.

How cold and hard can you be? I mean, could you lock him out and just not let him back in? That way he is forced to find somehwere else himslef rather than just sitting on his backside.

jenniferjuniper · 25/02/2006 14:52

i feel for you nutcracker.How horrible that his family seem to be holding you at ransom. i had problem with an xp when he refused to leave our flat years ago .It was before i had kids so nowhere near what you are going through. fingers crossed that he gets the deposit

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:53

No i'd borrow from my family hopefully. If yo claim housing benefit they will pay back whatever you have to pay out in advance, which applies to dp too.

It's not the amount or anything, they just want to tell him what to do.

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charliecat · 25/02/2006 14:54

Will your family not lend him the cash to help you out then, specially seeing they would get it back in a lump sum..

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:57

They are doing it to be spiteful and controlling in general.

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nutcracker · 25/02/2006 14:57

I don't think so no, i think that would be asking a bit too much.

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jenniferjuniper · 25/02/2006 14:58

are they being difficult to try and make you backtrack and say that dp can stay ?

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 15:01

Could be JJ yeah, but ther main reason is that they want him to move up by them, thats what the rest of them have done. Xp doesn't want to and so they practically withdraw all offeres of help.

It's a control thing.

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