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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Having a hard day today

78 replies

nutcracker · 25/02/2006 09:22

Xp is supposed to be going to look at a flat and a house today. His dad has agreed to help him out with deposit etc (i think) and so hopefully if either place is ok, he could be gone by end of next week.

I am so sick with nerves though, mainly because I know if he comes back and says neither was suitable, I will wanna jump off the roof.

He has just gone off to CAB to sort out what he is entitled to etc.

Cross fingers that this is nearly the end please.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 15:54

Xp is now looking through the paper........no not for flats, for bands to join so he can get back playing the drums.

I must have done something really bad in a previous life.

OP posts:
PeachyClair · 25/02/2006 15:55

I'd go then, tbh. You could explain that he is being emotionally abusive to the kids by refusing to go, and see if that helps- because it is blackmail / abusive behaviour. Bt otherwise, mush as I hate moving (5 times since 1997 ) then it would seem like a good trade off to be rid, and at least you'd be back in control.

bundle · 25/02/2006 15:55

arse

Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 15:55

Will be back in a mo, don't wanna get upset in front of kids.

OP posts:
jenniferjuniper · 25/02/2006 15:55

would you throw him out nutcracker ? or would that just open up a new can of worms ?

PeachyClair · 25/02/2006 15:59

Nutcracker can't chuck him out iirc, their names are both on tenancy so she doesn't have the right. She can't change locks either.

Really unfair that you're going through this. But every time you look at him remind yourself that one way or the other, you'll be the winner because he will be away from you and you will have your gorgeous kids. He's hanging on because he knows that he's lost and can't face it.

In a few weeks time you could have your freedom and the chance to build a new, fabulous and rewarding life.

jenniferjuniper · 25/02/2006 16:02

yes PeachyClair - he will be the loser and nutcracker will be the one who has pulled her family through .Nutcracker ,you are obviously alot stronger than he is .

tiredemma · 25/02/2006 16:24

hope you are ok nutty, this sounds like hell.

x

my brother has just got a flat in erdington, the landlord has other properties and accepts dss, want me to see if i can get the number?

mistressmiggins · 25/02/2006 16:33

have no advice but just wanted to say keep going - you sound so strong and are still doing all the running around by the sounds of it

like the others say, new future jusdt round the corner

Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 16:38

That would be fantastic emma if you could, thanks.

Thanks for what everyone has said. I had been feeling really strong but just cannot stand they way his family are making me out to be some sort of slapper and i can't even defend myself.
The whole thing is just so out of my control and i hate it.

My kids are gonna end up more wrecked than they already are and I am definatly half to way to being nuts right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 16:39

Perhaps i should jst go and leave the kids here at leat then the arguing can stop and they don't have to live in such an atmospeher.
Am sure i could find someone to stay with.

OP posts:
jenniferjuniper · 25/02/2006 16:41

no nutcracker - dont think like that please .Sounds like you are the only one putting them first .

mistressmiggins · 25/02/2006 16:42

no no and no

your kids need you so dont leave
they need their house so dont leave

you can do this

so what if your ILs think its your fault - the most important person doesnt and thats YOU - write them a letter - thats what I did
I also told them (coS H wasnt going to) about his affair AND that I had tried to make it work

I hope this all works out soon for you
xx
`

Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 16:42

Oh yes i am the only one putting them first but it's getting me no where.

I feel ill, the kids are constantly fighting and arguing and xp sits there watching tv and reading the paper.

His family will love it if i go nuts, infact thats probably the plan.

OP posts:
tiredemma · 25/02/2006 16:45

nutty, my brother has gone to watch the villa in london and im having difficulty getting hold of him, as soon as i can get through, ill come on here with number.

Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 16:46

Ok, thanks Emma

OP posts:
bundle · 25/02/2006 16:46

can you get out (both by yourself and with the kids) for a bit? sounds like you're all getting stir crazy.

bundle · 25/02/2006 16:46

can you get out (both by yourself and with the kids) for a bit? sounds like you're all getting stir crazy.

Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 16:48

No nowhere to go bundle. My moms at work, can't get to my dads and friends on uni pplacement.

OP posts:
bundle · 25/02/2006 16:49

i don't mean to stay, just "out" to the park/shops/museum..ie for a bit. dh was away this week and i nearly went bonkers in the house all the time (dd1 had a chest infection so our options were ltd)

jenniferjuniper · 25/02/2006 16:49

xp needs to take responsibility .it is cruelty to push you to this point .

PeachyClair · 25/02/2006 16:51

call Shelter and speak to their emergency line, they will ahve heard it all before. Explain stress causing you health problems and destabilizing kids. Number here

Honestly, i do think it is emotional abuse and should be treated as such.

Original poster
nutcracker · 25/02/2006 16:52

They will just offer me a hostel though won't they ?Thats what the woman at the council said anyway.

OP posts:
PeachyClair · 25/02/2006 16:53

It's an advice line for housing issues not a refuge, they will be totally straight and give an experienced opinion, rather than us inexperienced (me anyway) types trying to help.

jenniferjuniper · 25/02/2006 17:01

wouldnt you be considered a housing assoc priority in this circumstance ? if you got a letter from your gp detailing the stress side of it that may help .Am just trying to think of what i did when my xp and i split up