Hello all,
I would really appreciate some help with my situation, hopefully some of you will be around before DP wakes up. I have name changed for this as it would out me completely I think and I'd rather not do that.
DP and I had an incredibly nasty and hurtful fight last night and he thinks I am in the wrong, and I would really appreciate someone else's opinion.
We're in our mid-twenties and have been together for around 4 years. We went to a fancy do last night with his friends and colleagues and he got drunk really quickly. Not in a good way but in a bit of a shouty and very show off-ey way. We danced a few times but I didn't want to do all the dances, liked to go back to the table etc in between some of them. Whenever I wanted to sit down, have a drink/chat whatever he would immediately try and find someone else to dance with, telling me he wanted to dance every single time and if I am not up for it then why should he suffer. air enough I guess but I didn't know people there and felt a bit awkward being left all the time, also wanted to obviously spend some quality time with DP. I did't say anything though as I really didn't see it as a big deal (felt a bit childish his whole drunken I need to dance behaviour).
So yeah the night went on, we danced a bit more, he got stuck in my dress and I asked him to be careful as it's an expensive one and it wasn't the first time this had happened that night. He got angry and said 'for fucks sake, I said I am sorry, what else do you want me to do?' (I just asked him to be more careful).
We went back to the table and he asked whether I am mad and I said his whole behaviour had been a bit off that night. Bit of back and forth, he asked whether I wanted to go outside a bit and I said no, I just wanted him to be a bit nicer over all and certainly not swear at me. He started to raise his hand in front of my face whenever I went on to say anything else then and I asked him what that was supposed to mean as it was really rude and seemed like he tried to tell me to shut up. So in front of the whole table he said 'Yes, that's exactly it, I want you to shut up'. I was quite hurt and incredibly embarrassed, these are people I don't know well.
I asked him whether he'd rather I go home then if he doesn't ant to communicate with me and thinks I am being annoying and he said that he doesn't care what I do. So I got my bag, went to the loo, called my friend and she came to pick me up. I didn't have flat keys so I couldn't actually go to my place. He then texted a few times, quite nasty-that he thinks I am in the wrong, he certainly isn't going to play my games and come home now (I didn't ask him but I needed to get away from him and couldn't go back to him after crying in the ladies room).
In the end he sent a text saying he thinks it's best if I stay at friend's place all night and that he is tired, even more drunk and that he is "not sue about our future of us either. At the moment I find it hard to care." and then said that I made everything so much worse by embarrassing him and storming off.
I am now wondering whether I was in the wrong to leave. it seemed to start as such a small thing (me not wanting to dance and asking him to not run off the whole time/be more careful) but he was so drunk it felt like it was all blown out of proportion. And I was so embarrassed and hurt I couldn't face going back to sit with him after being sworn at and told to go home if I want to.
I appreciate it might have been passive aggressive but I was so upset I didn't know what to do and figured maybe cooling off would be good for us. I am now back home, he let me in, but he went straight back to sleep. I guess he is still hungover.
What do I do Do I apologise for basically doing what he told me to do? Should I have gone back and pretend everything is alright after he told me to shut up in front of company? I would have felt like such a walk over if I had done that.
And then him saying he finds it hard to care right now-how am I supposed to interpret that? Does this relationship have any future?
He is usually so caring and I do love him very much, but he can be so nasty and weird when drunk and last night was just too extreme for me to stomach. I mean really, swearing and being nasty over me asking for normal behaviour?
I need someone neutral to tell me what to do when DP wakes up.