Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Caught sister, brother and sisters boyfriend bitching about me (FB is evil)

82 replies

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:03

bit of backstory, I didnt meet my sister and brother until I was 16. he is thoroughly unpleasant and we disagree on pretty much anything. he is a bully, a misogynist and a thug, who spouts shite thinking that he is being "real" when actually he is being a twat.

Ive posted about my sister before, she is very selfish and self-absorbed. one of those people around whom the world turns. she is also The First Woman To Ever Get Pregnant?. I have supported her through some pretty shit times and have never asked for anything back, even when I have been struggling myself.

Her boyfriend, well, I dont know. they have been dating for just over a year and are having a baby. I have met him twice, but he seemed ok.

a few months back DB and I had a falling out, I posted something about the we believe you case on FB and he decided to hijack the thread with all sorts of rape myths and misogyny. I got very upset (as a survivor myself, the realisation that in addition to childhood abuse I was actually raped as a teenager and hadnt been "a silly girl" was very fresh) and (based on his own posts, and previous arguments, including women are inferior to men, send all the nasty forriners back, people on benefits are scum) decided to delete him. no fuss, I didnt tell anyone, I thought it would save a huge row.

fastforward to this weekend, DH is still "friends" with him, and his page was open. on the newsfeed I saw my name on DB's status. the gist was that he, my sis and her boyfriend were laughing at me and my "preciousness" I am oversensitive and a silly, bored housewife. I had sent sis's boyfriend a friend request (mainly to be nice, he is the father of my future nephew) and he was laughing with DB about it saying that he couldnt decide whether to accept, so will just leave me in limbo.

i was pretty hurt. and sent sis a text saying " Hi, this is awkward but DH has shown me what was said on DB's fb page. I haven't told you what happened between us, its not fair to involve you and I didn't want to make things awkward. But after reading, its ok. Tell boyfriend that I've taken back my friend request. No need to feel awkward, or worry about accepting etc. But in future probably best to make sure that the husband of the person you are slating can't see it."

I havent received a reply. about an hour after I sent it DB posted "life is so funny sometimes, hahaha" and boyfriend "liked" it (she and he were staying up there for the weekend, and they all went out together) so, I may be being paranoid, but it seems that it was aimed at me. I'm hurt though. I put so much effort into helping her when her ex dumped her 6 moths after proposing, I was on call day and night. Ive spent days comforting her, including when she had her mc. I was even nice when she was upset about TTC taking so long (2 months) and I feel like a prize mug now.

what should I do?
and sorry for the essay, didnt want to dripfeed.

OP posts:
OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:05

and yes, I know it all sounds very childish.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 11/06/2012 09:08

Drop them

I am not sure why it is mire complicated at that.

You don't like them. They are not nice to you. They do not improve your life. Would you spend a minute with them if they were not related to you.

rainydaysareheretostay · 11/06/2012 09:08

It's FB.

DoingItForMyself · 11/06/2012 09:11

Doesn't sound childish to me, well not your part anyway. They are being very immature and I would say in this situation, just because you happen to be related, it doesn't mean you need to be friends. In your shoes I would avoid 'd'B like the plague and would probably give sis a wide berth too, now that she has shown her true colours.

Your message to her was spot on, dignified calm and rational. Get DH to delete them all too and don't give any of them a second thought. x

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:12

Ive already cut DB, but sis and I used to be quite close. i feel almost obliged to help her, I dont know why.

and yes, I know its FB. thats why I posted that FB is evil.

OP posts:
DogEared · 11/06/2012 09:12

They're unpleasant people. Delete their numbers off your phone, tell your DH to delete them off facebook so that he doesn't have to see any nastiness either. They're bullying you and it's not nice.

Catsmamma · 11/06/2012 09:12

...facebook is not evil....blaming a computer programme is pathetic. Direct your anger properly and find some nice people to befriend on fb.

MrsRhettButler · 11/06/2012 09:13

Oh gosh :( cut all contact, they don't sound worth the hassle.

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:14

thank you doingitformyself. DH wanted to send a much nastier post, but I wouldnt let him.

I am hurt. not by DB, he is an utter twat and always will be. but my sis has really hurt me.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 11/06/2012 09:16

it isnt FB that is evil. Or childish. It is your sister and brother and their respective boyfriend/gf.

Just get rid of them from your life. They clearly dont enhance it at all. Sad

chocoraisin · 11/06/2012 09:19

it's not nice to be treated that way, I am really sorry you've had to find out what they're like this way. It may only be FB but it's a public place and they haven't been very kind, so I would be upset too!

WRT your feelings of obligation towards your Dsis though, FB isn't the only way to be there for her. So I'd def delete them all from your FB and just resolve to return her friendship when she is nice to you. After all, unless she is nice to you, it's not a friendship, it's just you being put upon by someone not very nice.

As long as you don't get drawn into the slating of people, maintain your dignity and walk away you're not doing anything wrong at all. They don't deserve your attention or energy - if they earn it in the future, you can always start over?

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:19

you're right. bugger it. should I text her and say "since you've not replied I can assume you are both embarrassed or you simply don't care that I am hurt. which is fair enough. Pleaes don't contact me again, I dont need this in my life. I want people who support me and whom I can trust. I wish you the best with the baby. Good luck."?

OP posts:
chocoraisin · 11/06/2012 09:21

honestly? I wouldn't even send a text. It only opens the door to them replying something unkind and you having to think of a response. You've had the last word already as she's not replied. If at all possible, rise above it... (and rant on here when you can't!)

Pagwatch · 11/06/2012 09:21

Your feeling hurt is understandable.

But don't let that blind you.
You wanted to have a relationship with them. When you realised your brother was a cock you put all your wish to complete your family on your sister.
You wanted and hoped that you could be sisters so you poured yourself into it.
But she is, sadly, also a cock.

You actually should thank facebook. They all showed you really clearly what they are like. You can walk away now whereas you could have poured years into your sister and still get no love or loyalty back.

Walk away. They don't deserve you. They don't deserve your energy.
Seriously. Just delete them, their numbers etc. Get your dh to do the same.

cocolepew · 11/06/2012 09:22

Dont send the text. Dont do anything except forget about them. Finish it now by ignoring.

TubbyDuffs · 11/06/2012 09:23

Leave out the "which is fair enough" bit, it isn't fair enough and you don't need to put yourself down.

Drop em!

DoingItForMyself · 11/06/2012 09:23

That sounds fair enough Oracle, but if you do want a future relationship with her you could always say "since you've not replied I can assume you are both embarrassed or you simply don't care that I am hurt. which is fair enough. Pleaes don't contact me again until you're prepared to be a bit more mature and respectful and not bitch about me on FB. I only want people in my life who support me and whom I can trust. I wish you the best with the baby. Good luck."?

DoingItForMyself · 11/06/2012 09:25

Actually, second thoughts, I agree with the others, don't even bother sending it.

Post on here and vent but put them right out of your mind. If she's worth anything, she'll apologise off her own back and try to make amends. If she doesn't then you're best off without her. Sorry Sad

Pagwatch · 11/06/2012 09:27

Don't text. Don't text.

Seriously, nothing to gain. It's content may well be dignified but sending it is needy and looks pathetic tbh

If she values you and wants to apologise she will find a way.

Walk. If you send the text you will end up feeling humiliated. I guarantee.

catinboots · 11/06/2012 09:27

I agree with everyone saying don't contact them. Walk away now.

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:27

ok, I wont text or contact her. I said to DH last night, Ive maintained my dignity, ive tried to be nice to her and her boyfriend. I've been the better person in this.

OP posts:
IamtheZombie · 11/06/2012 09:30

((((( Oracle )))))

Pagwatch · 11/06/2012 09:33

Yes, you are right. You have been very dignified, very supportive and have been the better person.

You sound great. You should spend your time on people who deserve you.

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:37

thank you paggy. when she was moaning about TTC taking forever and how hard it was for her, how I couldnt understand (its lissie) I made all the right noises and didnt tell her to get a grip. I kind of wish I had now, she's never going to change.

OP posts:
welliesandpyjamas · 11/06/2012 09:39

It's there in your last post, L, you are a better person. Fact. Anyone who has known you over the years on MN knows you are kind and hood, and let's face it, would never behave like they have done. They've made themselves look like prats in their own little Pratty Club. Rise above it. Time will pass and your sister might acknowledge in herself that she was silly to have been led by the influence of two pratty boys on this. If they show no loyalty to their relatives, then don't waste energy being loyal or kind to them.

Hugs, hairstrokes, and a big sweet cuppa x

Swipe left for the next trending thread