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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Caught sister, brother and sisters boyfriend bitching about me (FB is evil)

82 replies

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:03

bit of backstory, I didnt meet my sister and brother until I was 16. he is thoroughly unpleasant and we disagree on pretty much anything. he is a bully, a misogynist and a thug, who spouts shite thinking that he is being "real" when actually he is being a twat.

Ive posted about my sister before, she is very selfish and self-absorbed. one of those people around whom the world turns. she is also The First Woman To Ever Get Pregnant?. I have supported her through some pretty shit times and have never asked for anything back, even when I have been struggling myself.

Her boyfriend, well, I dont know. they have been dating for just over a year and are having a baby. I have met him twice, but he seemed ok.

a few months back DB and I had a falling out, I posted something about the we believe you case on FB and he decided to hijack the thread with all sorts of rape myths and misogyny. I got very upset (as a survivor myself, the realisation that in addition to childhood abuse I was actually raped as a teenager and hadnt been "a silly girl" was very fresh) and (based on his own posts, and previous arguments, including women are inferior to men, send all the nasty forriners back, people on benefits are scum) decided to delete him. no fuss, I didnt tell anyone, I thought it would save a huge row.

fastforward to this weekend, DH is still "friends" with him, and his page was open. on the newsfeed I saw my name on DB's status. the gist was that he, my sis and her boyfriend were laughing at me and my "preciousness" I am oversensitive and a silly, bored housewife. I had sent sis's boyfriend a friend request (mainly to be nice, he is the father of my future nephew) and he was laughing with DB about it saying that he couldnt decide whether to accept, so will just leave me in limbo.

i was pretty hurt. and sent sis a text saying " Hi, this is awkward but DH has shown me what was said on DB's fb page. I haven't told you what happened between us, its not fair to involve you and I didn't want to make things awkward. But after reading, its ok. Tell boyfriend that I've taken back my friend request. No need to feel awkward, or worry about accepting etc. But in future probably best to make sure that the husband of the person you are slating can't see it."

I havent received a reply. about an hour after I sent it DB posted "life is so funny sometimes, hahaha" and boyfriend "liked" it (she and he were staying up there for the weekend, and they all went out together) so, I may be being paranoid, but it seems that it was aimed at me. I'm hurt though. I put so much effort into helping her when her ex dumped her 6 moths after proposing, I was on call day and night. Ive spent days comforting her, including when she had her mc. I was even nice when she was upset about TTC taking so long (2 months) and I feel like a prize mug now.

what should I do?
and sorry for the essay, didnt want to dripfeed.

OP posts:
welliesandpyjamas · 11/06/2012 09:40

I meant, kind and good!! (Unless you are also a secret gangsta in da hood Wink in which case, send the heavies round!)

Pagwatch · 11/06/2012 09:41

Awww it's so hard.
We should swop war stories. I spent my whole life trying to get in a place where my sister didn't hate me and blame me for every bad thing that ever happened to her. I finally walked away last year when I too realised she was never going to change.

you are way quicker than me. far more sensible Smile

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:41

oh wellies, thank you. (and hijacking own thread - hows that baby cooking?)

OP posts:
welliesandpyjamas · 11/06/2012 09:42

(cooking good, thanks, up to 23 weeks and very kicky now...probably a girl too xx)

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:44

paggy, thats it! I kind of understand, before I came along she was a daddys girl, a proper little princess. then, suddenly heres his long-lost daughter who is far more like him and the total opposite of her. I even ended up dating a man that she had a crush on. it must have been quite difficult. and Ive been trying to make it up to her, ever since.

which is silly.

OP posts:
runningforthebusinheels · 11/06/2012 09:47

Oracle, that's awful, just awful. You have definitely been the better person, but I'm afraid she has (at least for the moment) allied herself with the brother/boyfriend. It may be that the db and bf have 'bonded' over this whilst staying there - this is how bullies operate.

Don't send the text - delete them all off you and your dh's FB. No contact at all from now on is the most dignified response. Get on with your own life, and your own lovely family, and surround yourself with people who actually make you feel about yourself.

I might add that if any of my family did that to me I would be so upset that I would probably bin FB permanently.

(hugs)

AmazingBouncingFerret · 11/06/2012 09:52

Oi no more contact from you.

I mean it.

Or you'll have me to deal with.

Pagwatch · 11/06/2012 09:52

Ahhh ha

notactuallyme · 11/06/2012 09:55

Why do people try to manage tricky emotions by txt and FB? Caant you talk to her if you have something to say?

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:56

running, the thing is, I like FB, I have some wonderful friends on there. just a shame I'm related to some utter twonks. and yes, they are bullies.

ABF, I wont. Wink

OP posts:
OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 09:57

notactually, because I didnt want to get upset, I didnt want to lose my rag or make myself look silly.

OP posts:
ibon · 11/06/2012 10:01

Really sorry you're going through this. They sound awful, you sound lovely. Just a note, if you want to make sure you avoid all fb contact in the future make sure you and your partner block them, not just delete them. That way you become invisible to them.

runningforthebusinheels · 11/06/2012 10:06

Ah, I wasn't really telling you to bin FB - keep your lovely friends on there and bin the twats! Smile I just have a very love-hate relationship with FB at the mo - that's just me though.

runningforthebusinheels · 11/06/2012 10:06

Oh, and yy to blocking them.

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 10:08

had a text, apparently it was just joking.

so thats ok.

OP posts:
LadyMud · 11/06/2012 10:08

What's that fridge magnet slogan? Something like "Friends are God's way of apologising for our relations".

Oracle, you sound lovely - warm, witty and wise. I wish you were MY sister!

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 10:09

Grin I have the same sort of relationship. I tend to just hide people updates (I did this with DB AGES ago) unless they really piss me off. I can get pretty strident though.

OP posts:
OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 10:12

ladymud, thank you! and yes, that magnet is very wise. My friends are ace. my family are not.

meh, I'll get over it Wink

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 11/06/2012 10:16

Aww Lissie
The ups and downs are the hardest.
My sister would contact me and be nice for weeks at a time and then turn on me. It happened like this for years. I thought the nasty stuff was the aberration and she was always sorry or 'just joking' or 'a bit drunk'.
But actually the nice stuff was the front.
She would be hiding her real feelings until they burst out.
On some level she resented everything about me and could only hide that for short bursts.

I don't want my experience to colour how I feel about yours but honest to hid, wouldn't you or I say 'i am so sorry. It was a joke. I was an arse. I am so sorry you were upset'
The 'just joking' is meant to make it about you being over sensitive isn't it.

LilRedWG · 11/06/2012 10:17

Oracle - she is being a bitch and he is a prize twat. Even before I read who it is, I thought this sounds like L's family. Walk away - they are really not worth it. xxx

LilRedWG · 11/06/2012 10:20

WAP - saw your news on FB but didn't post as I didn't know if you'd remember me. Many congratulations!

Sorry for the hijack Liss. x

OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 10:20

oh yes, there was no apology in the message at all. apparently my views are controversial and he didnt want to offend me

I sent the text on saturday, and she has just replied. that, in itself, speaks volumes.

OP posts:
OracleInACoracle · 11/06/2012 10:21

red!!!! I will, if there was an apology I might feel differently, but she has made her feelings clear. they all have.

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scrablet · 11/06/2012 10:26

Oracle,so sorry this has happened. Block 'em and sod 'em! Smile

welliesandpyjamas · 11/06/2012 10:28

lilred yes, I remember you!! I think you likied it, iirc...and it was much appreciated :) How's things with you?? X