'The time to leave will present itself' - how very true, thanks mumsnetters.

[chipping]

I had a moment of clarity this evening and told H I was going to divorce him.

I've posted on here a few times, I've been determined to leave, but haven't had the confidence.

My relationship has left me at times at the point of suicide.

H told me today what he thought of me - I am a liar, I am insane, a bad wife, a control freak, etc etc. It went on & on. Then came that moment of clarity when he said he had no respect for me. Everything he said after that just washed over me, it didn't have any effect.

I told him it was over, he carried on with the insults. I told him what he was saying didn't matter any more. Because it doesn't - does it?

I don't have to put up with it anymore. I told him I was setting him free to find his ideal woman, someone he can respect. It didn't seem to register.

I thought I would feel sad - i don't. i thought it might drive me back to smoking - it hasn't, I thought I might spend the rest of the night drinking glass after glass of wine - I haven't. I feel very calm. it's odd.

If i can do it, anyone can. I NEVER thought I could, but I have & feel (dare I say it?) happy & positive about the future.

thank you mumsnetters.
x

:)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Good luck

Good for you chipping!

Delighted to hear it, chipping. He pressed that particular button one too many times and it broke. Love "setting him free", yes do that man a favour!

He probably won't believe you for a while, not until an actual divorce petition drops on the mat. (Now see, THIS is one of those perfect places for an evil smiley.)

Well done xxx

My FW went last week after a similar tirade. from a stranger who feels for you.

I had a similar experience a long time ago.

After all the drama and tears for months, there was an incident one morning, and I decided "thats it". And it was. I was very clear. It was daylight. Like you, I felt very calm.

All the best for the future.
x

Go you. And don't look back. :)

I'm delighted, I think I've read some of your threads before. The man has serious problems, you will be so much better off without him. Ironic that he calls you insane. Classic projection.

Anyway congratulations OP.

Well done chipping- this sounds like real disengagement. Please continue to take strength and support from us here. X

That's great.

You feel well because you feel in control of your life and not in his hands hoping that he turns out to be someone better to you.

Keep strong. :)

Well done for being so strong x

Good for you!

the straw that breaks the camel's back

the final paper cut after years of death by a thousand of them

thank God for them

I hope everybody who needs to gets there in the end, I have faith they will

good for you chipping (now please capitalise on that calm and steely determination....no caving under the inevitable emotional blackmail that will ensue)

Well done love

Hurrah! I had a similar moment of my own with a twunt of a boyfriends a few years ago.

And I love your lightbulb moment as well chipping - it is freeing and emacipating. What a wonderful new life you have to look forward to!

You are going to be absolutely fine

Feeling total indifference towards an abusive and controlling twunt is akin to experiencing Nirvana - ENJOY!

You've seen the light and from hereon in he might as well be speaking to you in tongues for all the no difference it's going to make to your equilibrium.

Hooray for you!

Your post has brought back all the feelings I had early last year. Leave him was the best thing I ever did. Total freedom and not a tear shed. Knowing you've done the right thing is a wonderful feeling. Enjoy it!

Ian Fleming in his short story the !Quantum of Solace" said that in a marriage there comes a point when your own quantum of solace, what you are getting out of it , reaches zero. At that point you leave. It was so for me and so it is for chipping. Then it doesn't matter what the other person says at all because you will simply be free of it and indeed you can even feel sorry for them.

So get the practicalities organised, know where all the financial paperwork is, marriage certs, decide what reasonable financial split there might be, if you can afford a clean break from each other, where children will live, see a solicitor.

thanks for your kind words & great advice!

I thought I would feel regret when I woke up this morning. I didn't. It's the oddest feeling EVER.

I know there will be some very difficult times ahead. I have a brilliant lawyer & support from family & friends.