'The time to leave will present itself' - how very true, thanks mumsnetters.

[chipping]

I had a moment of clarity this evening and told H I was going to divorce him.

I've posted on here a few times, I've been determined to leave, but haven't had the confidence.

My relationship has left me at times at the point of suicide.

H told me today what he thought of me - I am a liar, I am insane, a bad wife, a control freak, etc etc. It went on & on. Then came that moment of clarity when he said he had no respect for me. Everything he said after that just washed over me, it didn't have any effect.

I told him it was over, he carried on with the insults. I told him what he was saying didn't matter any more. Because it doesn't - does it?

I don't have to put up with it anymore. I told him I was setting him free to find his ideal woman, someone he can respect. It didn't seem to register.

I thought I would feel sad - i don't. i thought it might drive me back to smoking - it hasn't, I thought I might spend the rest of the night drinking glass after glass of wine - I haven't. I feel very calm. it's odd.

If i can do it, anyone can. I NEVER thought I could, but I have & feel (dare I say it?) happy & positive about the future.

thank you mumsnetters.
x

Good morning. So pleased to read you still feel the same. Fabulous times ahead xx

The happiness you're experiencing comes from being in the driving seat rather than being controlled. I'm only sorry you had to reach rock-bottom first.

Crying as I read this.

name changed.

I think I am at that point. I just don't care anymore. Im absolutely at rock bottom- controlled and the straw that has broken the camels back is spending the weekend at home with the kids as DP is away and seeing how they treat me just as their father does- Like shit.

I could walk out now. Alone and really not come back. Im utterly defeated - even my kids hate me.

Sorry to hear that realise. How old are your children? Is time away by yourself a realistic option?

Sending you lots of (((hugs))) realise.

Please start your own thread, honey - you'll get all the support you need to turn your life, and that of your dc, around.

Once you begin to respect yourself and take no prisoners nonsense, everything else falls into place. You can do it...

11 and 8. DS1 starts secondary school in sept.

Dp will never leave - he is just too stubborn. I don't really know what to do. I just don't want to be with him anymore- he is making me depressed, snappy, miserable. I look and feel like shit.

Last night I realised that if I lived with just my kids they would absolutely walk all over me. they have lost respect for me and treat me like crap.

I don't want to leave on my own (my mum did that and I have never forgiven her)

I don't know what to do.

sorry for hijacking thread. I should start my own.

See a lawyer and get legal advice. How long until your H is back? Start to stand up for yourself with your kids, 8 and 11 is not too late. Just make it clear that you value yourself, and you are in charge, and they will not treat you like that (act for all your worth to start with).
You can do this.

Chipping I am so pleased for you. Good luck with the rest of your life.

realise, perhaps start with working out a better relationship with your children then. What are examples of how badly the children treat you? Perhaps stage 1 is some kind of family course or book to help you ensure they treat you properly. Stage 2 might be thinking about your marriage.

realise come over to the EA Support Thread here and chat to us.

Chipping didn't get to this point without preparing herself mentally. (And well done to you!!) You can do that too. We all need time to accept the reality of our situation, make a plan and finally implement it despite the protests of our FWHs.

You need to do it for your DC!!

Despair will pass

I remember that moment, and the relief I felt...the first day of the rest of your life.

Congratulations!

What a relief! Well done, Chipping :)

Keep posting. x

Brilliant!
I felt the same way upon splitting with my ex. I thought I would be distraught, but it was like this huge weight had gone.

Bugger the [death teeth]

It was for your sovereign wisdom and rule of sanity!

Congratulations on seeing the light and strength to you for times ahead. It's not always going to be easy...but sounds like you're moving in the right direction. Good luck. x

realise - please make sure you look after yourself - mentally, physically & financially. Sending you some 'strong woman' vibes

Well done chipping. It's a great feeling.

(((realise)))

I've read some of your threads chopping. well done for finally having the nerve to take this step

as my DH says to me when leaving me in the hands of my crazy children for the day "Courage, mon brave"

Well done. Nobody should be treated the way you describe.

Has he left or is he still there? Does he believe that you mean it?

Well done Chipping. The relief I felt when I ended it with ex was tangible, I could breathe again. Stay strong and focused. Best of luck to you.

your replies are keeping me strong.

one question - how do people cope living in the same house with the soon to be ex husband?

H is working odd hours this week, so i haven't seen him much. BUT ...

he has invited his friends to stay over this weekend, he doesn't accept that it is over, he is carrying on as normal, but on the nice side of normal iyswim. he says he will never divorce me (that's ok as i will divorce him )

I still feel good about leaving - there is no way back. but there is the inbetween bit. it's confussing. would be grateful for any advice.

I did that for over a year. It deteriorated rapidly so that by the end we were barely communicating at all. It became a prison and I was relieved every time I had somewhere else to go. Being there without him was not enough, unless I knew he was out of the country and I could be sure when he would return.

Tell everyone you know that you have separated and are just sorting out the details...he will have to accept it when everyone else has! Shame it's not nearly Christmas, you could announce it in your Christmas cards to all and sundry

thanks thornbury - a year omg

It seems really trivial - but food shopping, I'm now using my savings (I'm a sahm) but H is eating the food ...

I couldn't bear to be there, so ended up going out running (well, wobbling). It helped me tremendously to get some head space and perspective.

that isn't trivial, nor is it sustainable to pour your savings straight into your STBX's gob

why haven't you sorted out a house-share type financial arrangement ?

I got up v early, because I coudn`t sleep, went out for a wobble and planned what I was going to do each day, and how I was going to tackle obvious awkward situations. It helped me to stay calm(er than normal).