I'm posting this about a friend (with her knowledge). I'll try and include as much info as possible whilst omitting identifiable details.
Her 'D'P has anger management issues. He finds fault with everything she does - she can't do anything right in his eyes. They have one DC and my friend is (at his insistence) at SAHM. P insists everything is cooked from scratch and that dinner is on the table at the same time every night and if, for any reason, that doesn't happen he goes ballistic. He also has OCD tendencies with regard to house-cleaning (not that he actually does any cleaning!). He will verbally lay into my friend for the slightest thing. For example, he came across a (small toy belonging to the DC one day and because he didn't recognise it (it was a cheap thing that my friend had bought a while back) he shouted at her and said that she was a devious cow and that sort of thing. Another time the DC took a tumble in the garden - my friend was indoors and her P was in the garden and yet she was shouted at that it was her fault!! I could go on!
The P is also seriously obsessive about their bank account. He expects my friend to manage the finances (ok ordinarily fair enough) but also insists that they maintain a balance of £x thousands in a savings account. This is completely unfeasible/unrealistic given they have one (not fantastic) wage coming in. The savings account has dwindled down and down (to top up his wages) that when the day came and he asked how much was in there my friend panicked and lied. Then she did something really silly, she used an interest-free credit card and did a money transfer to top up the savings account! £thousands. She now makes minimum repayments using the weekly "pocket money" he allows her (meant for buying herself clothes and suchlike). She has offered (obviously not saying why) to get an evening supermarket job but the P said he was not prepared to commit to putting the DC to bed every evening!
She can't carry on like this - she is a nervous wreck. She is terrified of telling him and I can understand why. She's not sure if he would hit her (that hasn't been his MO up til now - just emotional bullying).
I hope I've explained this properly - it's hard to try and keep it brief. My advice to her is ultimately to leave him. The money is a red herring as his behaviour is vile now and he doesn't even know about the debt. There is equity in their house so they could sell it and she'll have to get herself a local job in order to get herself and the DC a little place. I've also suggested she speak to someone like Womens Aid.
Please let me have your thoughts. I'm happy to clarify anything I've missed.