Touchy subject

[first1]

How does one go about telling her boyfriend he's got a bit of a tummy recently? Still fancy the pants off him, only been together 4/5 months so should I just ignore it? Noticed he's not going to the gym like he use to, though still plays football once a week.looked at a pic of us taken yesterday and i reckon he's put on about 5lbs since we met. I'm not not not meaning to sound shallow!!

does it really matter? As you say it's no risk to his health. Ignore it and be happy with him.

5lbs? You're complaining over 5lbs? he'll lose that by having a good shit!

What's the problem? You still fancy him, he can police his own body.

The gym use to be really important to him, he'd go at least three times a week and for the past month has stopped completely. I'm just looking out for him!!

looking out for him by being judgmental over his body and the epic gain of 'about 5lbs'??

you may not mean to sound shallow but clearly you are shallow so that's a strain.

I hope you don't put any weight on! Imagine you have a baby and can't shake off those extra pounds. Would you expect him to be on a forum moaning that his wife was fat. If he was he would get slaughtered.

However, if it really is that important to you then suggest going to the gym together, cut out the meals out and cut back on takeaways.

looking out for him? he is an adult, not a toddler..

If it was 5 stone there might be reason for concern....but 5lb?!? Really?! He's probably content hence why the not going to the gym more regularly and gaining the said 5lb! Leave him be!

Maleview - thanks but I've had a baby and I'm a size 6. I struggle to put weight ON.

Don't give your body issues to your DH!

You are sounding shallow though

Human biology being what it is, people often get heavier as they get older and less active. If, after a few months, a slight weight-gain is making you think twice, I don't think your relationship stands much of a chance long-term.

I have to wonder if there is a connection between obsessing over your partner's 5lb weight gain that has caused zero problems in your feelings about him and you being a size 6 and "struggle to put weight on". It sounds honestly to me like you have a problem with your weight and your attitude to eating/exercise and weight and you are not realising that your attitudes to weight are not normal or healthy which is why you are concerned about him and why you "struggle to put weight on":

Doesn't sound shallow, that would be not wanting to be with him because he had put on 5lbs. Sounds like the OP's unhealthy attitudes to weight to me. My anorexic friend does this, she has no clue at all about what is healthy, even though she knows her attitudes and feelings are not she cannot fully explain or identify all her feelings and attitudes that are unhealthy about exercise and eating and consequently her son is also too thin and funny about food and weight and will probably be anorexic too.

She sounds worried not shallow to me but that is not a worrying thing that she has described.

If he'd put on a few stone I'd be worried. But five pounds!!!! If that was the other way round everyone would be advising ditch the

Just tell him how you feel, he can then decide if he wants to lose the 5lb, or if he even wants to be with someone who is worried about 5lb, or if he wants to help you to feel better about 5lb.

I'm genuinely suprised by the response. My first thought was that OP was being really caring. Yes, I see it very much as looking after someone you care about.

Sure, 5lbs - no big deal. But remember, this is 5lb he's put on in 4 or 5 months...if he continues at this rate he could be putting on nearly a stone a year!

5lb is easy enough to lose if you nip it in the bud and either adapt your food intake or up the exercise (or return to exercise, in OP's partner's case) but if he carries on piling on the pounds it becomes very difficult to feel motivated to lose the weight.

So, First1, perhaps ask him why he doesn't visit the gym as much as before, but without mentioning the slight weight gain. Is it because he is now spending gym time with you - perhaps you could both go together? Or take up a partner sport, like badminton or tennis?

He's probably stopped going to the gym because he now spends that time with you. I wouldn't mention the weight gain, but you could Comment that you've noticed he's not going, is he not missing etc. DH stopped goin to the gym when we got together because he didn't have the time anymore, but we now get exercise in other ways - taking the DCs for walk, swimming or bike ride. Maybe you can get exercise back in without It being the gym?

Just really jump his bones a few more times, get him on top and then stroke his tummy and say something like ''OOh I do like a bit of padding there..'' see what his response is...though it might be willy wilt ...perhaps a better approach is needed lol!

And btw, I don't think you are out of order for noticing it and wanting to comment, we all have our visual preferences and to pretend they are not important is unrealistic.

Sometimes the responses on here would suggest that anyone (male or female) who expresses desire based on physicality as well as other attributes is some sort of evil, shallow half-wit , and needs to be re-educated into the Correct And Appropriate way to have relationships. In the real world looks do matter, size does matter, and I know plenty of women who have gone off their men because of moobs, tummies etc, and wish they felt differently but just can't help being turned off by male flabbiness.