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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Touchy subject

88 replies

first1 · 06/06/2012 09:15

How does one go about telling her boyfriend he's got a bit of a tummy recently? Still fancy the pants off him, only been together 4/5 months so should I just ignore it? Noticed he's not going to the gym like he use to, though still plays football once a week.looked at a pic of us taken yesterday and i reckon he's put on about 5lbs since we met. I'm not not not meaning to sound shallow!!

OP posts:

PaulineCalf · 06/06/2012 12:30

Surely this is a wind up. A 5bls weight gain WTF?

I am into fitness and keeping trim myself, ditto my DP, but if he put on 5lbs I don't think I would even notice.

OP you sound like a loon.

Offred · 06/06/2012 12:51

I'm just very uncomfortable with the idea of partners nipping their partner's weight gain in the bud. If I put on 5lbs, I'll be aware of it. If I want to do something about it I will. I would struggle with a partner who wanted to walk me as though I was a dog so that I looked exactly how they liked and no other way.

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 12:54

Well thank you to all those on here who have recognised my post as being a caring girlfriend. As another poster said, this 5lb weight gain is just in 5months, it is not healthy to carry on at such a rate, so I feel it is my duty as his partner to offer my concern and let HIM DECIDE if he wants to deal with it. He use to go to the gym a lot, and as this has subsided, obviously I'm going to wonder why, especially as he use to talk about his interest in exericse.

Anyway, I've just had a tactful and indirect conversation with him. He's got tomorrow off work so I suggested going shopping together for our holiday clothes and I said that I WANT TO GET IN SHAPE FOR OUR HOLIDAY, to which he replied "I need to get back into the gym before we go". That was without ANY tactless or "shallow" prompts for me.

Again, thank you to all those on here who have been supportive.

OP posts:

swallowedAfly · 06/06/2012 13:14

supportive? does one need support in picking on someone else's weight?

sounds like you have issues in this area.

Offred · 06/06/2012 13:21

Sorry but I think you are mental. A. It is crazy to think a partner needs to be told by their partner about their own weight gain and gym attendance by their partner. They will know if it is something that matters to them, if it doesn't then why try to make it be something they are bothered about just because you are. B. the ridiculousness of saying at a size 6 and "struggle to put weight on" you need to "get in shape" that is a dangerous tactic designed to make them compare themselves to someone who is likely dangerously underweight and with hang ups about putting on weight!

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 13:35

Offred - I think you need to read my above post. How can the two of us compare each other that's absurd. I'm 5'5, he's 6'1. Weight is obviously differently distributed.

And for your information, I struggle to put weight on as I have a digestive disorder not for bodily "hangups" not that I need to justify myself to anyone.

5lbs in 5 months is NOT healthy.

OP posts:

ohdobuckup · 06/06/2012 13:51

First1.. interesting responses from certain posters here eh? touchy subject indeed...good luck , you seem the sane one here

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 13:58

ohdobuckup - Nice name! And thank you!

OP posts:

MissFaversham · 06/06/2012 14:03

I don't see 5lb gain being anything on a 6ft 1 guy to be honest. Sounds a bit daft to me.

Offred · 06/06/2012 14:36

Because you are very underweight if taller than average and a size 6, by making out you need to "get in shape" you are idealising the impossible and unhealthy. Just because you have a digestive disorder doesn't mean you aren't funny about food and weight. I have a metabolic disorder and I'm not overweight. It isn't your underweight was that is the problem by itself but that you are so underweight and so picky about your partner's weight. 5lbs on a 6ft man is not what you think it is.

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 14:45

I haven't weighed the guy ffs! 5lbs is a guess and perhaps a massive underestimate then as it is so noticeable even with his height. His mum noticed too.

OP posts:

MissFaversham · 06/06/2012 14:56

Well, he is only a boyfriend so if this is a deal breaker then maybe cut loose.

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 15:07

And when have I suggested this is a deal breaker? I haven't. We are madly in love. I'm looking out for him which he appreciates. I hope if any of you put on so much in so little time, your partners would not only still love and fancy you in the same way as I do, but also look out for your health and well being.

OP posts:

BelieveInPink · 06/06/2012 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

PaperView · 06/06/2012 15:29

its 5lbs in 5 months? so 1lb per month?

melbie · 06/06/2012 15:30

First- see it as a good sign! I tend to gain weight when I am happy in a relationship because there are lots of dinners out and because I would rather be snuggled up with the person I am with than off doing exercise (except of the bedroom based variety!)

Don't worry too much- I guess just maybe make sure you do exercise together and then you get to spend time together and both get fit :)

Oh and if it is noticeable it is probably way more than 5lbs so probably not that weird to worry but I imagine it is probably not going to be a sustained rise at that rate forever don't worry!

MissFaversham · 06/06/2012 15:30

Well OP you can only mention it and see what he does can't you. It's natural to put on a bit of weight at the start of a relationship.

A few lbs either way isn't exactly life threatening.

Calm down an all ay OP.

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 15:34

He said earlier today, as in an earlier post of mine, that he wants to get back in shape in readiness for our summer holiday. And who doesn't want to do that before they don their beach bod?! I'm happy for him he's made his own choice and I'll support him the best I can :)

OP posts:

Technoviking · 06/06/2012 15:42

Without wanting to pick on you, first1. What would you have said if he had either brushed it off or been happy not to "get back in shape"?

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 15:44

I'd have said that as long he's happy, I'm happy

OP posts:

Technoviking · 06/06/2012 15:45

In that case, your reaction shows that you are not domineering or trying to control him, which is good.

Are you both quite young?

Original poster

first1 · 06/06/2012 15:48

I'm 25, he's 31

OP posts:

Technoviking · 06/06/2012 15:49

So young and in new relationship. Wait til he starts leaving his socks about the place, then you can have a rant!

MissFaversham · 06/06/2012 15:53

He said earlier today, as in an earlier post of mine, that he wants to get back in shape in readiness for our summer holiday

So I don't get this thread really which says...

How does one go about telling her boyfriend he's got a bit of a tummy recently?

I'm confused.

goodoldme · 06/06/2012 16:01

In the early days of my abusive relationship with now ex. I went from 8st 5 to 8st 10 - 5ft 5.

My ex felt that he had to point it out to me, all in my best interests of course and because he loved and cared for me so much... The result being that I spent the whole time watching what I ate, terrified of gaining more weight.

I am not saying your abusive but you do sound controlling and I think you need to work out why this bothers you quite so much.

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