That's the end of that, then

[GitAwfMayLend]

Me and DP have been teetering on the brink for a good year now. Have tried and tried but it hasn't worked (for loads of dull reasons, have rambled on on threads about it on MN before).

DD went away on Friday, we haven't really spoken since. We were invited to a Jubilee party at the weekend, we didn't go in the end. Couldn't bear the pretence that we are happy amongst his family (all of whom are happy).

I am sleeping in DD's room. We have just had a conversation and decided that we can't go on like this. So that's it. I am going to move out.

Not excellent timing as DD is in middle of GCSEs, so will wait until those are over I think before telling her, which will give me time to plan and for us to sort finances out.

I feel like shit, but not as bad as Ithought. Am fine but have pangs every so often when I remember.

One thing - I will NEVER believe it again. Never. We really did love each other and look what it has turned into. Never, ever, ever again.

Just a ramble on, no need to respond.

GetorfThe problem when you break up is that you do what you are doing and romantisise about the past,the thing is that is the past and was great then but no longer here. Those years were fab but now is now iyswim.

I think the memories are often fairly rosey too.

I remember weeping over a programme about blackpool when a friend called in. I told her I was crying cos we had had "a lovley holiday in Blackpool" She reminded me that on that holiday I had called her several times in tears cos exh was acting like a knob and I was pg. I had completely blocked that out

Hope you are bearing up chuck.

Evening Getorf. Sorry no point in offering (although upside is there's more for me!), and coffee and walnut cake might get squished in post to London.

What is dd planning to study? Quite a few children move anyway at sixth form, there doesn't seem to be the old assumption that you'd stay on at school to do it.

GetOrf. So sorry. Try to eat, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, and plan something fab for the new you.

Ah, feeling for you Getorf, it's a crap time but it will get better. Had a wry smile at ledkr's Blackpool experience... It's so true that you idealise everything - him, your relationship, your shared past, the rosy future you thought you might have together (and it can be paralysing not seeing where the future is going without him).

Then you go to the opposite extreme and can only see what a knob he was with all his faults, and realise how great it is not having to accommodate him in your life anymore.

And eventually you reach somewhere in the middle, where you can smile about the good times, be glad there won't be any more of the bad times, and the whole thing doesn't seem like such a waste of time after all, not least because of your lovely DD.

Ghana sounds great by the way - whether you get there or not, the possibility of doing something you felt would have been out of the question in your 'old' life is exciting and liberating and a glimpse of how much is still out there for you. The best of luck to you!

how are you today getorf?

I missed this, and I haven't read the whole thread yet, but OH no. Getorf, my darling, darling girl.

I'm so sorry to read this.

So sorry GOML

I feel fine today - thank god I am busy to take my mind of it.

I haven't spoke to DP for a bit - he hasn't been here. Gawd knows where he actually is - but it is no longer my concern anyway.

monarch that is so wise and true - and so upsetting in its own way. So sad. But better that then waking up in 5 minutes when I am 55 thinking 'what the fuck'

I think you're doing the right thing. :)

Being single is far, far preferable to being in an unhappy relationship. Have you spoken to your DD yet?

I remember your previous threads too and how unhappy you seemed. And I felt for you as you are so young but seemed to feel like you would never have another chance.

I agree with some of the other posters about talking to your daughter and seeing what she'd be up for. You need to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy right now.

I do think that this has to happen for you to find happiness in the future. You'll look back at this moment and be astounded at how far you've come - because you have the courage and common sense and self esteem to change something that wasn't right.

No I have not told dd yet - she is away until Saturday so will have to tell her then (dreading it).

From feeling quite chipper earlier on I now feel absolutely rotten. Just the thought of having to sort everything out. Plus have found out this evening that DP's dad is very ill - he has some sort of shadow on his lung and is ill, they don't know what it is yet but it doesn't look very clever. He has lost an enormous amount of weight as well. And he is such a lovely man (all my in laws are, apart from a couple of bitchfaced SILs )

I went rummaging for some scissors earlier (fuck knows where all the scissors are in this house) and found some photos of years back of me and DP, like they were waiting to jump out on me in spite. We both looked so happy. We really did. Just having to accept that it has all withered away somewhere is just bloody horrible.

I feel sorry for the poor cats, I keep cuddling them (and they keep looking at me like this and scarpering.

Thank you again for your lovely and SO WISE words.

The photos ALWAYS look good. Everyone makes lovely history in the photos. You don't photograph the times when you are staring into space feeling shit or knocking back pills...

I must admit that it is still leaving the cats that seems to upset me more than anything else.

Sorting everything out IS time consuming. The thing is, as someone said earlier, you will go through various stages. It is all just beginning. There will be tough times ahead, to get to the good times again and to find yourself again. But the good times will come. xxx

My gloomy perspective.

Once it has gone, there is no point thinking about it. My Ex-DP said and still says some horrible things. I do not want to be reminded of the marriage at all. I think that every last memory has been completely destroyed. Some here mught say that it is a bit extreme. Marriage is a horrible institution. Stupid Tories should shut up about it.

Can I start ranting about the horrible wedding venue places?

How are you doing this morning GAML?

GetOrf - I hope you are feeling better this weekend. How did the conversation with your DD go?

Hope you're OK, GetOrf

Oh I didn't tell dd. She cam back from Devon all in a staet about her exams. I just couldn't tell her. Just said me and DP had had a row. I will have to wait until after her exams.

I am so fucked off. I thought I was OK but had an awful day at work, had a team meeting, am being allocated a SHIT assignment and instead of being cool about it and arguing my case in a rational way, I got really upset and stroppy. What a twat I must have looked. Then I went and cried in the toilets. Then cried on the drive home. Am now in bed eating a bag of skittles, DP is downstairs drunk and dd is out at cadets. I feel fucking awful.

I am dreading telling dd. She was so pleased to see him, the fucker. He took her out for a driving lesson yesterday. They do love each other and I really don't want to tell her.

After today's shite I am very tempted to apply for a job in Liverpool, just see how it goes and if I get it. I have been to liverpool once, 15 yrs ago. Know fuck all about it. Deep down I know I am not in the right place in my head to apply for jobs (albeit internal moves) but just want to run run away.

I have been here before. Remember when was with XP and wanted to run away, applied for a job on a whim in Barrow in Furness. Didn't have a bloody clue where Barrow was, assumed somewhere near Chester (I know). Then looked at a map.

My nerves are jangling because I am currenrtly existing on coffee, red bull and coke, and sweets.

But then I read active convos and I read about poor expat's dd, and people who have lost their children to illness, and poor trinity who is struggling, and feel utterly bloody stupid and self obseSsed.

I would kill for a glass of wine and a fag.

You deserve a vino

And a fag or 10.

Everyone's misery/grief isn't on a sliding barometer of worthiness.

I turn my back for a few days and shit happens

I was going to be all sympathetic but actually, lots of other people have done that better than me, so I think I'll go for bracing.

You do realise that your and DP's relationship ending doesn't mean DD's and his ends too? He will still be able to see her and take her for driving lessons etc - she's old enough to sort out that contact with him independently of you.

And you are still so young (from my vantage point of 10 years on you) - this is the end of one thing, but not of everything. You'll find what you want and if it's to be a career woman with cats, isn't that just grand? And won't it be better than slogging through each evening and weekend miserable?

See that shit assigment at work? I raise you my shite assignment, which is an ongoing project with the most dysfunctional team I've ever come across in my working life and most of them are in another country, so everything has to be done by email and TC.

And photos? Some of the happiest photos I have are of a friend's DH, who struggles terribly with depression but can lie to the camera so easily.

I'll drink the wine for you, mate.

And then I'll come and cuddle you as if you were a little girl again and listen to you cry {{{{{hug}}}}

How long til her exams are over? I know teenagers are can be self-obsessed, but there's a good chance she'll realise there's more to it than just a row.

Can you go to your line manager tomorrow and a) argue your case as you wanted to and b) without going into details, say that you have some personal issues so if you are stroppy/withdrawn/strung out on coffee and sugar, that's why?

I don't know where Barrow is. Er, Scotland?

oh gitawf, Ive missed this. Im so sorry off to bed now, but will read whole thread in the morning.xx

How are you doing today GetOrf?